I didn't realize where this was going at first - it was very sad. ): But make sure you're watching out for:
Punctuation at the end of your dialogue. Even if it's a comma, there should still be something. Unless there's some rule for different countries I don't know about. If that's the case, ignore me. XD
Watch out for talking directly to the reader. Unless the whole piece reads that way, one little sentence saying "you" at the reader will come out sounding awkward.
Reread your piece! There's a few spots where you repeat words, or have an awkward sentence structure (some of the sentences felt like they dragged on too long).
I liked the setting you put in this, and the way you described the character's feelings. You really got it passed that she loved fall, and was upset over her mother.
(: It was a good piece. I really liked it, and I hope my advice will be of assistance!!
This was really brilliant, a very beautifully written piece. I actually felt like I was going to cry while I was reading it! I don't even have any critiques because the whole thing was just so well written. Glad comment swap led me here to read.
Punctuation at the end of your dialogue. Even if it's a comma, there should still be something. Unless there's some rule for different countries I don't know about. If that's the case, ignore me. XD
Watch out for talking directly to the reader. Unless the whole piece reads that way, one little sentence saying "you" at the reader will come out sounding awkward.
Reread your piece! There's a few spots where you repeat words, or have an awkward sentence structure (some of the sentences felt like they dragged on too long).
I liked the setting you put in this, and the way you described the character's feelings. You really got it passed that she loved fall, and was upset over her mother.
(: It was a good piece. I really liked it, and I hope my advice will be of assistance!!