The In-Betweeners - Comments

I haven't commented on this for a while and I'm terribly sorry about that because I love this. I really liked chapter twelve. I think you perfectly described James' thoughts and feelings about the date. I could just imagine him being all flustered trying to find the perfect shirt.

I also liked the way he said that Melanie looked different, but he didn't go into a lot of detail. I think that makes him come across as the typical guy and makes all of this more realistic for the reader.

My favourite part of the whole chapter was the last line. "I'm not writing a fucking porno you know." It made me laugh out loud at my computer screen and look like an idiot in front of my brother, who looked at me weirdly.

I hope you update again soon! (:

okay hi again! i want to cry because i just realized that you haven't worked on this in a while, haha. umm, but this is really great, so you should.
your writing is phenomenal by the way. the diction, the flow, the language. this is the way i imagine myself to be, haha.
update soon please(:

sorry for the spelling errors, im using my touch screen in bed. it's annoying, but convenient.

sooo i don't realky know where you're going with this, but i'm excited! the main character is suoer relate-able, he is basically exactly what i consider myself as (this is my view from the first chapter)
i'm intrigued, time to read more(:

I like the layout, it's pretty and I like how the sidebar clash with the background even though they're two different patterns, it just works. When I first saw the title, I thought it was a 'The Inbetweeners' fan fiction or something but I quickly saw that's not the case. I really like your summary and your definition of normal, it's all very psychological like and it definitely captured my attention. It makes you wonder what normal really is, since that word is tossed around a lot but nobody can actually define the word, y'know? It just makes me really think. x]

The narrator is very relatable, and I just agreed with him on everything. Seriously, most high schoolers aren't conformed to a stereotype, most of us are just average joes really, but people just insist of putting a label on others. But I really like how you started off the story, as someone said, it's very psychological, and it just really makes you think and leaves you with questions, wondering this and that and perhaps changing your views on what's normal and what's not. I like how he blends into the crowd, I'm a sucker for one of those loner type stories where the narrator just sits back and observes the behaviour of people. I've noticed those types of people are the most interesting to read about, and are the smartest. :D

I really like how he states that freshman year was the year when he realised that he was a nobody and I just wanted to say, that is so true. I've noticed people are often grouped off into their little labels and stereotypes and the populars and the 'losers' seem to be chosen at that time, because through my years of high school (I'm currently in 10th grade, but here in Australia, we start high school in 7th grade and finish at 12th grade), and I've noticed the social hierachy has never really changed, it's as if your first year of high school defines who you are. I like the sound of Shane, she's beautiful but she's complex, she's one of those people who never really seem to question things and go on with life as if nothing would phase her, and because of that, you find it hard to figure her out.

I like the fact that you explored his family and that his family is just some ordinary nice suburban family that doesn't have any dark secrets or skeletons in the closet, it's quite refreshing to read about families that are perfectly fine, I know there's a lot of dysfunctional families out there, but a lot of perfectly functional families do exist.

He seems a little rambly but I like it, it kind of reminds me of Charlie from the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower, like your narrator James, he's pretty much a wallflower and just observes the things going around him. Your descriptions are fantastic and your questions really do leave the reader thinking :D I'm subscribing :)

I really love the layout :)

You've got a great idea here. I'm sure many people can relate to this story and that makes it all the more enjoyable, in my opinion. I really like the way you're making the story about the In-Betweeners, the ones that don't have an actual group, or clique. Most stories talk about the jocks, or the populars, or even the nerds but the In-Betweeners are never metioned and I think with this story you're actually giving them a voice and an opportunity to be heard. This is very original. I love your writing style, too. Great job!

This.. this is amazing.
Your characters, they are so believable, and just relatable.
And James
he's simply amazing
the way you wrote this story is astonishing. you don't just describe a character
but you bring their very essence out.
and your vocabulary, and elaborations, I can't get enough of it
I can't wait for more
I'm dying to know what happens next, how his life will turn out.

Okay, I love your banner, but I’m afraid I had to switch to the default layout, as the background pattern hurt my eyes a bit! I do wear glasses, so that is probably why! Ah, bless my sigh-impaired soul.

Chapter one:
I don’t think there are any appropriate adjectives to describe the beauty of this short chapter. I am in love with it. If it were possible, I would marry it. But that would be strange, wouldn’t it? That’s a rhetorical question because of course it would be.

Anywhoo, what I loved so much about this chapter was the way you described all the different cliques using simplistic language that still created a clear image in the reader’s mind. I also love the description of Shane’s personality, and the fact that you used the name ‘Shane’ for a girl. That’s awesome! (:

The whole wallflower metaphor really captured me. Especially the line about complimenting the colours of the rug. Haha, that made me smile so much (: You are a wonderful writer.

Chapter two:
Okay, amazing display of perfect writing in the first few lines. Wow. “I remember the way the concrete sidewalk sliced through the perfectly manicured lawn..” Um, can I just be you, please? The wording of this little part is magnificent. Oh, I like that word. Magnificent. That’s what this story is. And Marvellous. And other lovely words that start with ‘M.’ Yup.

I was interested to find out that the protagonist is actually a boy. I assumed it was a girl. I don’t know why. But when I came to the part where the teacher said ‘Mr,’ I had to read it a few times to understand! Haha. I’m slow.

Other comments about this chapter? Um, I love you. And your writing. And you are fabulous and all kinds of wonderful and yeah. Clicking onto the next chapter. I honestly la la la love this.

Chapter three:
I love the introduction to this chapter, and can relate a lot. I especially loved the line: “ I liked history because I liked reading about those people who were more fucked up than I was.” I just love it. Wow. You’re so good!

And I am infinitely happy that you wanted to comment swap with me, because I found my twin and a fabulous story that I’ve already fallen in love with! It’s safe to say I’m not stopping this comment at three chapters. This baby will be longer than two of your chapters put together. Oh. (:

What did they do when they weren’t busy making history? I’ve thought about this, too. No one seems to care about their life in general. Just the important things they did. Sigh.

To me, it’s not the important moments that define a person, it’s the between moments. YES! Exactly. Oh my word, I love you x3785632852918487365487. That’s really quite a lot. I love the way you describe their non-committal relationship. It seemed very real to me, and also beautiful in a way (:

“You have a nice smile, James.” jdkshfhdbhbaej I died <3
I love the name James, and I never tire of his inner-dialogue because it’s beautiful, although, I can’t wait to read the dialogue in the next chapter.

This is me typing from beyond the grave. Yup.

Chapter four:
I loved the way you described the kind of silence that often falls between Shane and James. My favourite line in this whole chapter was: I would try to break open the television to try and see the little people inside. It’s so adorable!

I can’t believe this isn’t published. This story actually reminds me a lot of one of my favourite books of all time, The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, which is probably why I love it so much. I loved this whole part right here:

When it comes down to it, potential is potential, and you could have all the potential in the world and never amount to anything. The same way that somebody who never had any potential could become somebody great.
The world is a funny place sometimes, I suppose.

Amazing. Can I just be you, please?

Chapter five:
I like the way James describes himself as normal, because that’s what he is. So painfully normal and average and just, wow…me. Yay. I love this story so much. I loved how you described the relationship between Tom and Alexis. That is the most adorable thing! :3 The only constructive thing I have to say at this point, would be to try and not overuse words like “though” because it has the potential to ruin a lovely sentence.

Chapter six:
I love the way James over-thinks everything. It’s adorable :3 That’s really all I have to say about this chapter, really. Haha. A+ writing as per usual.

Chapter seven:
I couldn’t help but laugh when his whole family froze when James said “friend.” It was funny! And then the way he just says “What?” I can imagine him being a little irritated, and the word just jumping out of his mouth. Ahhh. Lulz.

I like the way James was nervous, and didn’t know what to wear. I smiled when he chose a Blink-182 tee, because it so happens that I love Blink-182, and this whole chapter reminded me of their song, ‘First Date.’

James’ dad seems really nice, and so do Shane’s parents. Yay for lovely parents. It seems that almost every story on this site has mean parents, or divorced parents etc, etc. It’s nice to read a story where the characters have normal parents (:

Favourite line of this chapter! Don’t ask me why. It’s just beautiful, okay?
I watched as a butterfly fluttered lazily by us and I began to wonder about life, and the curiousness of it all.

I also loved the way James summed up Shane, saying that she was just living, and didn’t see the point in anything, really. That’s so odd, for a person to be like that. Such a strange character trait, and I really, really love it. Shane actually reminds me a little bit of Alaska from Looking For Alaska by John Green (:

Chapter eight:
I like the way James addresses the reader every so often. It directly involves them, makes them feel like they’re part of the story, in a way. The way he does this reminds me of the way Charlie talks to the person he’s writing letters to in The Perks Of Being A Wallflower.

Who is this Brian fellow, hmm? We shall see…

Chapter nine:
I love the way James describes Brian in such a critical way and then at the end of degrading him, he says that he became his best friend. Lulz. Made me smile (:

I liked this part, a lot:
"No, she doesn't have a boyfriend. And I don't know, she's just a friend. I've never thought of her any other way." I said slowly.

"Why? You gay?" he grunted.

The way James words his sentences is so honest and beautiful, and Brian totally disregards that and blurts out his comment. It wasn’t exactly rude of him, it was just.. I don’t know, abrupt. Lol Brian. Oh, you.

Chapter ten:
Melanie Ryan, the girl with two first names. Awe, I love the way James describes Melanie. The way she looks with her normal haircut, neatly clipped back. The gorgeous blue-green eyes. It all seems very real to me and I love it and just wow.

There was nothing special about the way she talked, or about her smile, or about her teeth. But those eyes, those fucking eyes were astonishing. They say that eyes are the windows to the soul.

Melanie Ryan had a special soul.

CAN I PLEASE BE YOU? WHY ARE ALL YOUR SENTENCES SO PERFECT? I LOVE YOU OMG.

So yeah, we’ve reached the end of this comment. Over the period of time I’ve been writing this comment, I’ve had two glasses of raspberry-apple cordial, a bowl of chicken-flavoured noodles, and six chicken nuggets with ketchup. I’ve listened to Augustana’s self-titled album through four times, because it’s absolutely beautiful and I’m half-way through the fourth page of a Word document. Also, I have to pee, but you really didn’t need to know that. But now you do. Oh well.

This story is just wow and perfect and marvellous and magnificent. Terrific and brilliant and everything I love in a story and more. I am so glad that I found it. Because it is now one of my most loved and most favourite stories on mibba, and I’m almost certain that you would have absolutely no trouble getting it published when it’s complete. It’s a masterpiece.

The only thing I can fault is the layout, really. When I saw it, I assumed the story was going to be really depressing. Or something. Because it was so dark and yeah. I think a lighter layout with a beautiful tumblr-looking photo would suit the story a whole lot better, but that’s really up to you.

I can’t wait for your next update.
- Becca (:

P.S. 1, 536 words. How’s that for mammoth!? (:

The layout is really gripping especially with the summary, the minute i read the summary I was hooked.It got me thinking was really is normal. Your style of writing is brilliant, the story was easy to understand and to get into. Great job

Well, well, well. Mr. Pricky needs to shut zee fuck up, no? xD I'm sorry. Weird. I like this. I like the tone and the way you wrote it. It's very simple with a "coming of age" feel. I like Brian at about the same time I don't. I do like James a lot. He seems bored and meh...ish. xD I love Shane, just because she doesn't seem to give a fuck. The layout it pretty and sweet, btw.

At first, I was a little confused (since I haven't read most of the other chapters), but it'll all made sense soon, and I love this chapter very much. It had a nice high school feel as well, and you should definitely continue writing this. It brings intrigue and annoying cliches into it, and it's just really good. <3

This is definantly interesting and you surly have me hooked. I love your writing style. It's easy to read and, well, it isn't boring. Cant wait to see where you take this:D

The layout is lovely. I love masks and such haha.

The first chapter is pure gold. I relate so much. The first paragraph was my favorite. I found so much truth to it. You have a very vivid way with words.

Second: The dialogues in this is great. A lot of the thought processes is relatable.
I kind of wish you'd describe the setting a bit more. It would have given the story another dimension.

Third: It's scary how much we have in common. The whole history thing is the story of my life.
The whole 'between' moments is an amazing concept. Gives a lot to think about.
James? Man...I was far off. xD

Fourth: The story seems to be going by very quickly by this point. There are no real events happening and it's kind of just like an endless dialogue.
Shane seems a bit out of the loop. Their conversations seem forced as if they weren't quite comfortable with each other. I kind of like that. usually people are so keen to each other right away.

As of what I read, you have a great way of writing. Descriptions are few but your wording is great. What you write is something I think about all the time.
I plan on reading the rest later, so I shall subb.

:}

I really like how in the third chapter you continue with that sort of in-between philosophy with the whole moment thing. I think my favourite thing about any type of writing is when it makes you think, or it shows you something in a new perspective, and that's what it did for me and I really like that. Usually I'm someone who doesn't like things without at least some sort of action, but this entertained me throroughly, aha.

And their relationship too, I like how it's not all crazy or anything, but just like an adorable little friendship they have where they don't feel the need to... well, try so hard. They just sort of understand each other, like you said. I liked that bit about how their friendship was so strong but so weak that it's like a contradiction.

I like how James is such a thinker, he mauls so many things over in his head and things like that, I think it's a great perspective to write from because I feel like he picks up on things others don't and thinks of things no one cares about, and it's unique. I like him a lot, aha. I feel like Shane and him sort of... well, they fit well because he has this thirst for knowledge and she couldn't care less, they balance each other out. :)

Summary: I really liked this. It said a lot about the story, and it takes a lot to be able to write something that relevant to your story. I know that doesn't make sense, but I just love it, because it's not one line, and it's not a million paragraphs. It didn't give too much away, or too little. It was perfect. I love it.

Chapter One: I really liked this. It was.. Kind of a light to what would happen in the story. I hope to dear lord this foreshadows for later references in the story, because I love when authors do that. You can make a connection! Confusing parts become clear with the story. That's why I don't like to ask questions when someone hasn't completed the story yet. I just wait and see what happens.

Chapter Two: This was also interesting. It has a slight.. confusion to it. But also this assurance. It's vague, but not. I can't explain your writing style. You put it right in between, kind of like the theme of this story. It's really easy to read, and I like that. I am, however, wondering about Shane and what significance she will bring to this story. I shall keep reading.

Chapter Three: I like this a lot! Just like everything I've read so far. This chapter was more in depth, and kind of gave us an insight on this friendship. I'm wondering where it's going. I see no.. plot yet. We're still in the beginning stages of the story, and I like that. It reminds me of a book I once read. I don't know what it was called, what it was about, or who it was by. But.. For the first 10 chapters, it had absolutely no plot at all. Every chapter had it's own little twist to it, though. Once we got really deep into the story, though, it became a well thought out, well written plot that was intriguing and hooked me right in.

Chapter Four: Hmm. There has to be something she cares about. I just know it. And I know we'll find out soon enough. I can't explain this chapter. It was.. Different. I'll keep reading.

Chapter Five: I really liked the paragraph where you described the day of the kickball game. I loved it. Oh, words cannot describe how much I love this one paragraph, simply for your way of describing it. Thank you for that paragraph. <3 It was lovely. (also, the story is really interesting so far. it's more of like.. an insight on someone's life. i really do love it. )

Chapter Six: This one has potential for the next chapter, or few chapters. I want to know what's going to happen! Is this going to fail miserably, or is it going to be a big success? I did notice one mistake, though. It's not too big but it kind of interrupted my happy reading of this.

There was no discussion about it, she did not ask me to be friends she simply offered me the opportunity and left the rest to me.

You're missing a coma, and it only bother me because I've yet to see any other mistakes. I really do love this, by the way. <3 I think I shall subscribe after I finish commenting.

Chapter Seven: I think I kind of had a little Harry Potter moment while reading this. James seems a lot like Harry, in the sense that they both have no friends and don't know how to make them. They don't know what to do when they make them, so it's very awkward. I don't know I'm comparing them, but I liked the idea of it. It made me very happy.
I also like when she appeared! :D Even though it's not a date, it seemed like a date. Kind of like when a girl appears at the top of the stairs for prom and the guy just stands there and stares, while she rambles on. He's just kind of out of it, and is very infatuated by how stunning she looks. That's what I half-way expected from him. Eh, maybe it was just me. But I liked this chapter. It was very cute. (almost done ;-;)

Chapter Eight: Argh no I was so into it and then this extremely short chapter. Why? D: I do love this story though so I'm going to subscribe. I like the way this is written. The point of view is really nice, and the characters are relatable. (I think I spelled that wrong because my spell check says I did, but I looked it up and it is the word I want, so I'm not sure...)

Anyways, thank you for the lovely read. <3 You deserve a cookie for this.
*gives cookie* ;-;
<3 *subscribes*

layout is beautiful, as had been mosty likely said in previous comments multiple times. i don't quite understand why you used the picture for the banner though. that's just me. i still like it very much, so don't get me wrong. there were no spelling errors, or grammatical errors that i came across, so that's a "yay!" in fast advance!

your view on the different groups of people at schools caught my interest as well. the cliques and so on, jocks, stuff like that... i'd be terrified to know what a jock thought. i never considered history that way either, but that sort of view made me laugh!

i don't really go to a public school, but from what i have heard this sounds like a spot on narrative about daily life at one of these schools. I do like Shane and James as characters. Shane is rather nonchalant and doesn't seem to be bothered by much of anything. she has a common view of her parents (that part i can relate to) and also is simply living to live. a very interesting character.

James is also very realistic. A bit of a daydreamer from what i can tell, but that makes him likeable. he has very realistic relationships with his siblings (i know i'm that way with my brother as well, but we still go out of our way to torture each other now and again)

all the chapters out so far were incredibly interesting. i don't think many writers can get the realism of things down like you did.

so far i really like the story! the imagery was great, and so is the first person narrative. i definately respect people who can do first person narrative because of how difficult it can be. i hope you continue to write, this was a lovely story and i believe i shall be subscribing~!

I absolutely love this.

Your writing style is amazing. Everuthing flowsand just goes well together.

I freaking love how you talk about the cliques, because the way you put it is a true. Like, why do people act the way they do? what motivates them?

And I cannot explain how much I love Shane. Shes quiet, and mysterious, and beautiful, and she has an awesome name. I think its cute how she said that James had a nice smile ;

I didnt catch any errors, and the layout was really bold and I just really caught my eye.

Im definitely curious to read the rest. :3

This is an interesting little story. It was the title that really caught my eye. Excellent job with tying in the story with it. Also, the picture was lovely, and I was able to comfortably read the text because of the layout, so thanks for that.

The summary was interesting. Hell, the whole thing was interesting. It reminded me of philosophical musings of old guys from those countries, but modernized and easily understandable when it comes to us. I'm sure that at some point we've all subscribed to some kind of thinking of the same nature as this story.

I only read the first chapter (so far) so all I've seen was the stream of consciousness, but it was a damn good stream, my friend. The way everything was phrased and set up just flowed easily, transitioning beautifully and connecting, making us want to continue on with the story. Well done, darling, well done.

So, I only read the first three chapters, but only because I'm at work and can't focus as well a I normally would be able to.

This story almost reminds me of looking for Alaska. Or rather, Shane reminds me of Alaska. I'm not really sure what it is, but they seem similar to me. I really like her, even thought we haven't really gotten to know the chapters much in the first chapters.

James seems like a really interesting character and narrator, He seems to focus on everyone else but we still get to learn about him at the same time.

The background was a bit...bold for my liking, but it was still pretty nonetheless. I loved the banner.

I really like your writing style and will definitely be subscribing and reading the rest of it very soon :D

Sorry. I'm slow, I know. Also, is it bad that I half-expected/hoped that this would be about the TV show? XD Yeah, probably bad. Someone needs to make me watch something other than the BBC - though, I'd be angry if they did.

Now that I've got that randomness out of my system, time for a real comment: I loved your summary page. I like it progressed from a definition, to a real life explanation, to your character's voice. Very well chosen, I thought. :D

I totally giggled at the emo example in the first chapter. I love how the monologue has a sort of humor to it, that anyone ranting could be liable to do. Makes it more realistic, and more entertaining - not that it wouldn't be interesting without it.

I really love how in that first chapter, you get to know the speaker, even though the speaker is focusing on everyone but themselves. It's a great tactic for exploring personality rather than the minimum, "This is my name, this is my age, this is where I'm from," that a lot of people do.

Great first chapter. Sorry, this comment is only for the first. But, believe me, I'll keep reading, and comment when I finish the rest of what's up. And then, I do believe I'll be subscribing!

The layout is a bit too much. It's not bad or anything, but the background image is way too sharp, I'd love the same one just slightly faded.

Shane was the daughter of an ex-football player who almost made it to the NFL before suffering from a career-ending knee injury and a personal trainer.
- You need a comma somewhere in this sentence, because it sort of sounds that she's the kid of someone who had a career-ending knee injury and a personal trainer. As in the personal trainer was also something that happened and was career-ending.

I like the concept, even if it is a bit overused, and the narrative is starting out good. It's a bit long in certain places though, and it gets tiring to read, because my interest is lost here and there. So it's a good start, and I'm definitely thinking "hm..." but there's also nothing really dragging me in to want to read more chapters. It feels sort of like a prologue, and a long one at that. The flow is really nice however, and you manage to choose the words well, and except for the sentence above I didn't find anything that was confusely written.

I liked it, you're definitely a good writer.