I think this was a nice little one shot. The plot fell together nicely and was interesting. I think it was neat how everything got twisted up and, for once, everything didn't work out for the main character. It was a nice change of pace!!!
I didn't really like this line: " It was an acute type of pain". I think small would have worked fine and acute sounds kind of strange to me. I also noticed you missed a few commas here and there.
I didn't really like this line: " It was an acute type of pain". I think small would have worked fine and acute sounds kind of strange to me. I also noticed you missed a few commas here and there.