If We Ever Meet Again - Comments

  • DarkFireAngel

    DarkFireAngel (100)

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    I love it! Upload!!!
    December 28th, 2010 at 06:09am
  • redda

    redda (100)

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    im holding my breath for the next chapter so don't wait to long for an update
    December 28th, 2010 at 05:58am
  • Bautista

    Bautista (100)

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    waiting for the next chapter :D
    December 25th, 2010 at 09:11am
  • choirgirlx3

    choirgirlx3 (100)

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    i love it and i can't wait to read more:D
    December 18th, 2010 at 10:18pm
  • choirgirlx3

    choirgirlx3 (100)

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    can't wait for the next chapter
    update soon =)
    December 17th, 2010 at 09:56pm
  • choirgirlx3

    choirgirlx3 (100)

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    I LOVE this story. i want more!
    December 17th, 2010 at 01:18am
  • baby102.0

    baby102.0 (100)

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    OMG I love this story please update soon the suspenses is killing me!!!
    December 16th, 2010 at 02:54am
  • choirgirlx3

    choirgirlx3 (100)

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    Pleaseee update soon. I can't get enough of this story lol. I loveeee it!
    December 14th, 2010 at 09:58pm
  • sdill

    sdill (100)

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    You are a fantastic writer! I'm not into twilight as much as I used to be, but this story is just fantastic. I love all the detail and the plot! I can't wait to read more!! :)
    December 11th, 2010 at 11:45pm
  • choirgirlx3

    choirgirlx3 (100)

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    amazing update cant wait to read more =]
    December 5th, 2010 at 09:20pm
  • why.LOVE.me?

    why.LOVE.me? (100)

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    i love it

    update soon
    December 4th, 2010 at 04:33pm
  • choirgirlx3

    choirgirlx3 (100)

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    its great so keep going!!!
    November 29th, 2010 at 11:49pm
  • choirgirlx3

    choirgirlx3 (100)

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    its great so keep going!!!
    November 29th, 2010 at 11:49pm
  • candyswirls

    candyswirls (100)

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    Hello. :)

    My first comment would be: THIS CHAPTER IS TOO SHORT! You should make your chapters a bit longer. Try to add a description of Anna, because I can't visualize her at all. I have a pretty weak imagination. :))

    Oh, and your plotline seems very interesting. And I like Anna's name. It makes her appear very innocent.

    You should try deepening this chapter more. It'll make it longer and more interesting for the general reader. My suggestion would be to frame Anna's emotions regarding the death of her mother in words so you could communicate to the reader her grief. It'll be better if you make the reader feel those emotions, because then they could actually care for Anna. A good story should be able to make the reader care for your character.

    I further suggest that you read out your draft to yourself so you could root out tiny grammar mistakes and typos so the reader wouldn't be distracted by them. It's actually a bit annoying to be reading the story in suspense and then a typo appears out of nowhere. You could also ask someone to check grammar and technical stuff for you.

    Oh yeah, and your summary of Alice dying actually gives the whole story away. It's too predictable now. Oh, and try to at least put Anna's background in the first chapter. If you don't wanna let your readers know yet, then put it in a way such that it seems very mysterious and that will get your readers thinking and hoping to read more. I'd suggest putting that in her thoughts while walking and before meeting ________ (if anyone still doesn't know who the driver is and is reading the comment). That'll make her more startled when he honks his car.

    One last thing. Your scenes actually don't make any impact on the reader. I actually found the scene wherein Anna tries to escape her dad bland. It's too... contrived. Try a more creative approach to it so it wouldn't be boring.

    Also, your plotline moves too fast. I'd suggest postponing their meeting until another chapter or making the chapter longer with more scenes.

    I promise this would REALLY REALLY be the last thing. There are sentences in the story in which you mention something already obvious, like when she knew that she is going to school. You could've just said that she "lost" the battle with her dad. No need to mention that she's going to school. We already know that.

    Anyway, I'll read through this again sometime since I'm a bit busy now, and this is all I can say for now. Feel free to ask me any questions if you have some, or if you wanna clarify things. And I hope you'll edit this out and replace this chapter with a better opening, since most people I critique on offer lame excuses why their writing is like that and just leave it there like that without changing it at all. I mean, why ask for criticism when they wouldn't even take it? Ooops. I ranted too much. Sorry to keep you like this. And I hope I helped you.

    Keep writing and practicing! I shall be looking forward to more of your work. :)
    November 28th, 2010 at 02:18pm
  • choirgirlx3

    choirgirlx3 (100)

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    Love it! Can't wait for more!
    November 27th, 2010 at 09:32pm
  • X.:icy_chick:.X

    X.:icy_chick:.X (100)

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    this is an awesome story. i really want to read more, so please update soon :)
    November 25th, 2010 at 03:46pm