Neuropathy - Comments

This is amazing.

I really cannot express how much I love this.

<3

Reveiw:
Okay, this was a really good story, and you organized it really well. I would like to point out though the over usage of commas, as well as it being wordy at certain points. Like this:
Whether it be a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, any other family member, a best friend, a teacher, a spouse—anyone—there always seems to be someone there to hold your hand when you have the sniffles.

It just seemed like 'any other family member' was impersonal compared to everyone else listed in the sentence. I would also like to point out that you made really good use of adjectives to get a point across. You could feel the pain the main character was in through the use of how you described her state of being.
You made a plot that's diverse and many people can relate to-- I'm sure, mostly anyone who reads your story has been sick at least once in their lifetime. You put it into a language everyone can understand and relate to. People feel completely useless when they're sick, and someone told espectially that there was no way anyone could help them and that they were crazy would be frustrating.

As for the setting and characters, since you are only on the first two chapters, they of course have not been introduced much into the story yet. I did like how you held off until the very last sentence to give a name as to who was speaking. It seemed to fit so well as to say "Okay, you know my background, now you know who I am, this is my story." This story seems very unique.

I really like this story.
It's very detailed, well researched, and the writing style is to die for.
(Excuse the pun, terribly sorry about that.)
Your style reminds me of Andrew Davidson's The Gargoyle,
which is, coincidentally, one of my favourite books.
I encourage you to read it because his descriptions are eerily
similar to yours only not as morbid and dark.

But your writing is effective and kept my attention the whole time,
I assure you, there is so much I could quote but I fear that I'll
quote about eighty percent of it. xD Pardon me for that now.

Anyway, I understand this is based off of your medical experiences,
and that's very brave of you to write about it in this way. I admire you.

Plus, the title and layout are divine. I am a sucker for short titles,
especially one word titles, so I was intrigued by it.
Your summaries are very good. It made me curious in the first place.
Anyway, I'm definitely subscribed at this point. (: Keep up the amazing work.

-kitsch.

I read chapter one!

The things I wasn't too fond of first.
Personally, I don't like centered text in stories. I don't know why, it's just a personal thing really. I also felt like it was a bit... too long? I mean, you did a great job catching my interest and I was definitely wondering where you were heading, but I also found myself drifting off a bit because it felt like there was just too much. The paragraphs were a bit too long too, perhaps - but again that might just be me.

Positive:
When you get sick, you shut down and turn off. Your body is drained from the world and you become antisocial for a while.
- This sentence felt very relatable for me. I fall into this hybernation thing whenever I get sick, and I always feel sorry for myself. I want to whine and mope, but I don't want to be around people. I like the way the sentence flows, and makes me go "oh, yeah!"

The fact that they can come from anywhere and everywhere is alarming.
- Another sentence that makes me go "that's true!" Especially since I've been working a lot with kids, I find this relatable. And having a cat, I can also see how the sentence makes sense. It IS alarming. >_>

No matter how much your teachers and nurses would harp on you the importance of washing your hands, there really is no way to completely avoid germs unless you decide to become a “Bubble-Child” and shut yourself off from the world.
- Absolutely true. But should "bubble-child" be capitalized? If it is, then pardon moi, but haha, I don't know, it just seems odd for it to be capitalized. x]

When it comes to being sick, only you know what’s real and what’s not.
- I both agree and disagree. Which is a good thing, because you don't always want your reader to agree blindly with everything you write. The fact that I'm disagreeing means that I've taken an interest in your text. :)

If person after person tells you time and time again that you’re crazy and that everything is in your head, would you believe it?
- OH MY GOD! Yes. D:
Or no?
I don't even know anymore...

But I loved this. Really. Except for the few things I pointed out up there, and the minor abuse of commas (I do this too, a lot, so eh, don't mind that), I loved it. The story could really go anywhere from here, and I think that's why I found it so interesting. I mean, you've got something where you could head in a reasonable direction. Or you could really write anything. Everything could be some sort of fantasy, or it could all be real. That's what's so interesting, the fact that I don't really know if this will be reality or fiction.

The flow of your sentences is really good, I think there was only the lenght and too much detail issue that made me stray, but other than that I stayed with the text and had no issue picking up what you were putting down. You use a variety of words which is always a good thing. Sometimes your sentences are short and other times longer - just the way it should be. All in all, I'm bookmarking this and I'm dying to know what'll happen!

Merry Christmas!

Um, I think I already commented on the first chapter. But, I'll comment on the second. Wow, amazing. (: Awesome layout which I'm sure I said before.
I love the way you write, It makes me what to write on and on. (: Please keep on going. I don't know if I'll stick around.... but I will check in again someday.

Already, you've got me from the start. When you’re sick, you expect someone to be there for you. Whether it be a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, any other family member, a best friend, a teacher, a spouse—anyone—there always seems to be someone there to hold your hand when you have the sniffles. Seriously, how much closer to real life can you get? <3 Honestly.

I love how this is written in 2nd person. So much emotion went into it, you can really feel the things you're describing, as you're reading them. God, and you thought I was good at that? That was nothing, yours is so much better. This whole thing is scary but at the same time, incredibly realistic. So real, it's like to the point where I'm almost afraid to get sick again.

They’re all the same—they do nothing for your pain. No matter how many you pop in a day, you still feel like you’re being repetitively stabbed with a fork all over your body. The pain is so unbearable; all you can do is lie down in bed under the covers, hiding your defeat from the world. That part really got me. I seriously got scared here, like if modern meds can't do shit for you, then what will? How terrible.

The overall feeling of desperation and loneliness covered this and made it just perfect. I really think this is one of your best works yet, honestly. I loved it, I'm not kidding at all. It was powerful, it was scary (I made that clear, right? Haha) it was everything in between. Bravo!

This was absolutely amazing.

I loved, loved, loved the way you wrote it as if someone was talking to me about something that was happening to me. As if someone was sitting there, musing over my situation. I started to feel bad for myself. Why won't anyone believe me?!

Over all, this was beautifully written and hadn't a flaw I could find!

The layout is like erie, creepy, but the story is a great idea. (: 'thumps up' dear.

First of all, sorry about the delay >.< Second, this was really, really awesome. Sad, but awesome. This is a good indicator that doctors can be wrong; so they're smart and have a doctorate but that doesn't mean that everything that comes out of their mouth is correct. To me, it makes a doctor like that pathetic. You know that something is very wrong and they don't believe you? How dare they. You're the one suffering with this, not them. I've heard of so many cases like this, mostly with children. The mother felt that something was wrong, but the doctor's didn't believe her and called her crazy. I doubt they care what they say because they still get paid >.>
Anyways, I really love how your wrote this. It's clean and neat and the whole concept is just - this may be the wrong word - amazing. It shows perseverance and how you shouldn't give up. :]
Amazing job! <3

I really like the layout, and the skeleton adds to the mysterious factor of it.

The summary really pulled me in! Like she's so mentally insane, she thinks shes in pain. A unique idea, but a good one.

I like how you use the anologys to explain her condition, it's something I like. I like the whole doctor mosquito one the best, it explains a lot! That pain really sounds unbearable, you explined that very well. This introduction defenitly could get tons of people hooked. You did an amazing job!

Thats pretty awesome....
I feel kinda bad that I dont have a really long comment to post like everyone else.... :D But hey, this story has some real potential, I can't wait to read more. ^^

I really like the layout.

"It’s not just the little ‘ouch, I have a paper cut’ pain."
I like how you describe it in a lot of detail.

"Either way, they wave their hand and swat you away like that pesky mosquito."
I really liked this line, too. It seems so true about the medical field today.

This was a great story, and I like how you wrote it based on personal experience. It's just so... genuine when people write things from their heart.
Awesome :3

"You feel like your entire body is on fire and this time, there’s no extinguisher."

Personal experience with that feeling, man. I was in the hospital earlier in the year with some nerve problems and I felt exactly like that. Just like my legs were curling into themselves in pain. This line reminds me of that. Even the phantom pains. Eesh.

"The medical professionals go one of two ways with your case—they either look at you after running a couple of tests and call you a mystery, or they look at you after running a couple of tests and say you’re a nut job who’s making it all up. Either way, they wave their hand and swat you away like that pesky mosquito."

I've got a lot of experience with being in the hospital, and that whole paragraph reminds me of when the doctors told me five different things were wrong with me, before finally telling me 'oh, take 2 aspirins and you'll be fine.' Doctors do act exactly like that, or at least the ones I've dealt with have. I'm glad you put that in there because they often act like patients are annoyances, instead of how some stories portray doctors as healing hands as soon as a patient walks in.

I'm definitely keeping track of this because I think it sounds great and I think that your personal experiences with family reactions and doctors will definitely keep this realistic and intriguing.

This is awesome! :D Though it sounds like it's going to be a little sad ;(

So what would happen if they were to disappear? Like morning fog, they slowly wither away with the crowd, getting sucked into disappointment and unknowing. They’ve given up on you too and now you’re alone.

Those are my favorite lines, because it's too true. It wouldn't be fair for people to give up on you when you're in that much pain (feeling like your being repeatedly stabbed by forks is NOT ideal).

I'm going to subscribe, not only because it's very good, but because I don't usually read stories like this. I'm interested to see how it turns out.

By the way, the layout is cool too, if not a tad creepy :)

I love the layout.
Your writing really does flow well.
Its very original, never seen anything on Mibba like it. <3
Your really good.
Good luck sweetie.

I liked the layout, don't change it! <3

You feel like your entire body is on fire and this time, there’s no extinguisher.

Wow. There were many other lines that stood out, but this one was my favorite. This can go in so many different directions -- pain related, physical or emotion, a broken heart, a nervousness that you just can't seem to over come. Sometimes, lines can be easily related to, even if they have to be taken out of context to do so, and that was what I did with some of your lines. They were all brilliant, though, honestly, and it was easy to read and know exactly what's going on.

When at the same time, you have no idea what's going on.

They’re the one that pushes you to look for your own diagnosis, to see new doctors; to not lose faith.

This was a great line, too. I don't know what it is with semi-colons, but I love them! And I love when people use them right and they just make the words fit together in such a pretty, new and exciting way. This line stood out because it was slightly more up-beat and optimistic than the rest of it was. As if, because she had those people for her, she still had faith.

Until the end, when she didn't anymore because those people were gone.

I'm subscribing. (':

Oooh, this is interesting xD I love this concept. It's definitely a real world issue that needs to be addressed, and it should make a great story :) Your...style of writing is impersonal, but it's so impactful at the same time. I liked this paragraph in particular:
Now that you’re in this vulnerable state, let’s take away the doctor. The medical professionals go one of two ways with your case—they either look at you after running a couple of tests and call you a mystery, or they look at you after running a couple of tests and say you’re a nut job who’s making it all up. Either way, they wave their hand and swat you away like that pesky mosquito.
That was great at conveying the emotions of a whole group; it kept it broad but still very emotionally impactful.
Nice job!

First impression: The banner's really interesting and it draws me in. It intrigues me. The layout is also really lovely and easy to read.

Summary: I like the summary. It works well with the layout to draw the reader in.

Story: The writing style's gorgeous. The words flow really well and capture a lot of emotions and detail. It doesn't feel choppy or awkward.

I struggle with detail in my stories, and I can practically feel the pain this person is feeling. I wish I could do that.

I like how the intro is set up in a question kind of format. I think it conveys the message really well. I think that it's a great way to present your story.

Quote: "In such a big world with so many voices, how do you make it?"

This quote just resonated with me. It's a question I've asked myself before, and I think it's pretty universal. I like how you worded it, and I think it's a wonderful way to leave your readers hanging.

All-in-all, excellent job. I didn't notice any grammar/spelling errors, and I have nothing but praise to sing of this story.

I'm subscribing. Please update soon!

First off, the layout is gorgeous, goes very well with the mood of the story.

I love your style of writing, it makes me feel almost as though I'm a part of the story, and yet you're still painting a picture in my mind. I love that! I do hope to see more of this story (:

I'm already loving this, keep going please?
I'm also wondering what this is..
I must get my Dr.House skills to work, haha.