You're so morbid, my friend. I love it. :)
January 27th, 2011 at 12:03am
I actually really, really liked this. I don't mean to be offensive by this, but I normally wouldn't like this sort of story. When you started to describe the main character as the so-attractive-no-one-can-resist type, I started worrying that it was going to be really cliche.
However, even when you were describing her as that type, the description was so good that it distracted me a little from my worry and kept me interested.
Also, I absolutely loved the bedroom scene. I can't even really describe what I liked about it. I really hate to use the word "cliche" so much while describing your story, because for some people it's an insult, but you took cliche things like the boy-and-girl-meeting scene, the sex scene, the death scene, and you made it work. I really like the way you write.
You said you weren't sure of the ending, and I can see why. It's very abrupt, but I like that about it. The, "And so she did," is so final, and I think that worked.
Overall, very good job. :)