The Music Box - Comments

Oh, it was just adorable. <3 It really was a nice read. I thought Julie was cute. At first I thought, 'This story is going a bit too fast...' but then again, it's a short story. After a while, it seemed normal, and it wasn't hard to read. I just kept going and going and reached the end to a sort of disappointment, but it's heartwarming. :3 I like it.

-Luna.

Ohh my, I loved this, honestly. It blew my mind, the attention to detail and the way you described Derek, perfection- that's what it was. I hope you turn this into a full story, i'm sure it would turn out amazing. Give it a thought? (:

Oh goodness, this was the sweetest love story EVAR. you should make a sequel you know, just saying >.>

Now the critique:

This story, well, the idea itself was entirely marvelous. Original, and not like anything I've read before. I'm not the type to read love stories, but the way you wrote it made me really enjoy it.

This was great! There’s lots of description and you have a great vocabulary.
There were two spelling errors earlier on:
‘I spun around to face the speaker, nearing sending a set of old china flying to its demise.’ Did you mean nearly?
‘“I’m Julie!” The eight year old introduce with her hand outstretched to me’ Introduced is what you’re after, I believe.
I also felt as if this line ‘He was still standing there in front of me for a few minutes and I wasn’t sure what I should say,’ could’ve been written more clearly. It just didn’t flow very well for me.
But apart from that, I really enjoyed it. Despite being lengthy, the story held my attention. I liked how it was humorous at some points and the layout is simple but absolutely lovely.
Great job.

I don't know why, but I accidentally felt the need to cry whlie reading this story. It was amazing.

A tinkle of a bell announced my entrance and a girl – no older than eight, I’m sure – peered up at me from behind a counter. – You said not, but it’s no. Simple mistake.

“I-I… I never caught your name.” – Your, not you. Another simple grammatical error, easily overlooked.

I really did enjoy reading this, though, no the music box having barely any meaning makes it hard to believe that it is titled “The Music Box”. Just pointing that out. I thought it was very creative and very well written. There were only two grammatical errors, which I bow to you for. I’m a grammar nazi. You were very descriptive, which I like. It helps create imagery for the reader, so kudos. All in all, it was an amazing one shot, with a lot of potential to be made into a story. It leaves you questioning how Autumn’s life was while growing up, and what to make of the couple when it’s over. Great job, fabulous read.

“Apology not forgiven,” – You know I’ve never actually uttered these words before. I find them intriguing. I like Derek, well heck I sort of like his whole family, even though you don't really see them much, you know? They seem so normal.

I think the detail was great, and you write very well. And the picture was nicely placed int the story. And I'm guessing that the music box was her mothers?

And I sort of cried when the shop was sold. :/

I quite enjoyed this. It was humorous and enjoyable to read. While I agree with goatee about the length, you did a wonderful job making it interesting.

This was very good. I think it ran on a little long, but it was really enjoyable to read so that didn't matter. You made up a great character and I liked the imagery.

Make sure you italicize her thoughts.

I really really liked this. It's so descriptive and it really gets you in characters shoes.
Autumn is such a pretty name =]
And this was so detailed! There were no clear mistakes, or errors that I could spot out.
You're a really good writer, and I swear if you wanted to (and this was a full story) you could get it published. =]

This is so friggin' great. It's got great description and the length of it is perfect. It's truly amazing.

I really liked this(: First of all.

The 2nd: I swear I was gonna do the same contest and use the same picture, I just couldn't find out how to use the link. (:

Cool layout, gurl!

This is simply... beautiful.
It was wonderfully written, and it flowed so well. The layout is really pretty too. I'm glad I read this, and I can see this story going far in the future.

Alright 1) LOVE the layout! It's goregeous! 2) I ADORE this story. I nearly cleried at the end! Wonderfully written! XD I'm so glad I read it! Tell me if you ever do anything with Autumn and Derek again!

I really like this, the layout is more simple than mine. D: Which I love about layouts. If they are simple they rock.. The characters are adorable. As said above I hope you turn it into a full blown story,

I love love love antique stories like this.

I love the details like Ava and I like the layout like Ava and I like everything Ava.

Gosh, Ava, way to steal the words out of my mouth.

xD

I really, really like this. (:
All the detail was nice.
Some authors/writers are pretty skimpy on it, you know?
But I liked how you had just enough.<3

I adorded this, missy.<3
You've got a way with words and pretty layouts, hehe.(:

I enjoyed this; it was well thought out and I think the characters are adorable. I would ask you to turn this into a full blown story, but it is up to you to decide if the characters were meant to be more than this.

This was the first entry in the contest I read and I'm going to start reading the others now; I hope theirs are as good as yours. (:

awesomeness :]