Violence - Comments

So even though there's only one chapter of this posted so far, I am falling head over heels for this story. It's beautifully written, and even within one chapter I can tell you've put a lot of thought into it. It's simple, but remarkable at the same time, if that makes any sense.
I also really love how simple the summary is, just with the information about their names, it just makes it all the more interesting, it makes me want to understand how the names will reflect on the character's personalities.
So, to put it simply, I am definitely looking forward to reading more of this.

Before I get into the meat of this all, I want to comment on the simplicity of the layout. It works in a wonderful way, and I love how the background for the story area seems to just fade into the wood backdrop. The banner seems to be rambunctious enough in it's small form that it's attracting to the eye, and I quite like how it's an actual book sort there. Not something you see everyday.

Nice choice in title for act one. Makes you think he's going to be something of a sex maniac, since the story itself opens with the aftermath of sex, y'know?

The stylistic use (or, I should day, lack thereof) of capitals actually works for this. Usually, I'd be annoyed by it, for it's awkward in some stories and confusing otherwise, but I think that even just using capitals in this would take away from some of the sort of, I dunno, surreally real aspect of it.

Mentioning bills was a brilliant thing to do. It makes the story just a bit more lifelike, makes me feel like this maybe truly had happened. The description isn't too much, and certainly not too little, for I feel like I'm watching a film in my mind as this takes place. His mother's house sounds almost like something you'd hear of in the 40's or something, simply because it's just that way to me.

The paragraph with the personified spider was perfection, specifically the line in fact, she'd been in the spectators home today and the day before. a sandwich was shared between the spider and fingers. just made me sort of smile, for it sort of makes me wonder just how that had worked.

How Clyde has a classy sort of way of speaking is probably my favorite thing so far. So few will phrase something as he does - just wait a moment - and it's just lovely to read, even if it's something I won't hear everyday at school or anything.

The 'he did this, he did that' nature of this story oddly enough isn't boring. Usually when I'd see something like that, I'd become irritated and probably just close out of the story. This story utilizes things in ways that normally I'd be annoyed with and makes it work in the best of ways.

Overall, I didn't spot anything that was grammatically incorrect or sounded awkward, and I really think that the only thing you can do for this story is keep writing and allow Clyde to become a real person, for his personality is something I'd love to see more of.

I like this. It interests me. The only problem with it is some comma mistakes, like where you need to put some but didn't, and capitalization, but I think that's your style for format so it's not really an issue as much as the commas are. I like your descriptions they really draw you into the story and make it seem real. Keep up the good work and looking forward to reading more.