Tattooed - Comments

I loved it please make it into a long story! :3

I loved this :]

definitely love this! made me smile XD

First of all, sorry for taking so long with my comment and thanks again for your submission :]

Aww the pictures you chose to represent Alec's siblings are so cute :] About the story, I think your narration has a potential, it was easily readable and flew nicely. There were some cliche moments I didn't like much, and the ending wasn't exactly my cup of tea (the sudden change of the parents... it felt overexposed to me). But the love-line was wonderfully done, and I like a lot that they never got together and that you left the reader wanting to see them be a couple in the future :]

I wrapped my coat tighter around my torso and stepped into the cold winter air. Wind whipped my hair into my face and the frost stole my breath. -> I liked this part, it made me imagine the situation. Nice mental image, I like how you put it.

As I walked down the narrow sidewalk that led to town, I thought about him. -> I liked this a lot too. You don't go very analytical about Alec's feelings, but this is one of the moments when just through one simple statement you tell a lot. How Percy is centre of his universe, in his own way.

"Just go in," The girl urged me. "Don't be shy, kid." -> Another thing I liked was how you led us through the whole process, from the moment he left the house to where he got back. And the characterization of Alec. His speech about why he got the anchor tattoo showed what a good guy he is. He is a nice character, and I appreciate how you told us about his innocence of a young boy not through just plainly stating his age, but through his words, actions... and how others called him 'kid', it was cute. I liked that also Percy, his love interest, called him 'kid'.

It hurt a lot. I was stupid for getting it in that stop. But once he started, I couldn't turn back. I resisted closing my eyes. Instead, I focused on his face. His barely grown beard; his bright hazel eyes; his red lips. He was so focused. Once, he looked up and offered me a reassuring smile.
Again, I did not close my eyes. I looked at his face for comfort. -> Ohh this had to be one of my favorite moments. It's that thing I mentioned before. Through little things like this one showing the feelings Alec has for Percy. This part is just so precious, it made me imagine it all. Made me wish that lovable kid would get his secret crush and that Percy would be responsible enough to make him happy.

He rolled up the window and sped out of the driveway, his laughter floating out of the window to me. Drive safely. Yeah, right. -> Haha, I liked this too. Made me chuckle.

About grammar, I found some typos, but other than that it was decent. I lacked a bit more detail and descriptions, even though I respect your style that focuses more on the narration. Adding more details could make it more interesting, though, I believe.
All in all, it was a nice read :]

Ahh I forgot this was in my subscriptions! You should really make it into a story. I would love to read more. If it's not too late. :]

yes u shuld!

This was really good. I was pulled into their lives. It seems like you put a whole story into one chapter, and I love the details you used. I really like your characters. You asked if you should continue this story line, and I think it would make a good story. I'd definitely be drawn in. ;D

I really liked the meaning you put behind the anchor. It's amazing how such a simple object can have such a complex meaning.
<3
Great Job.

Yes you should, it was a really good story. Hope you do write more:)