Seventeen - Comments

First impressions: I must say I'm really glad you chose a simple layout. It made it really easy to focus and read the story, becuase after all isnt that what its about? Some people forget that. This is one of the few times I havent had to set the layout to default to get thought it or put it on word to read. It was simple yet went along with the story. Kudos to you!

Seventeen.
I'm a sucker for people people start out thier writing with an intresting or vague statement. Its my kind of writing :) I like how you started out that way becuase it really captures your attention and make you as a reader want to read on to find out exactly what the narrator is talking about. Answering questions like: Who is this man the narrator is talking about? What did he do/what happened to him?

As I read on, you really set a tone that was consistant thought out the one shot. It was sad/mourning/longing something lost. Id hate to admit it but i sort ot teared up at the end. It remined me of how I felt when my grandpa died. (he was a Marine.) You have beatiful descriptions thought out which really painted a scene in my mind. I dont think that there was one part that I couldnt visualize well. It was descriptive with out being too vauge or wordy. one of the best example of this had to be when you described the chair. They charged you ludicrous amounts for the armchair, the cloth cover eaten away in places, the dark wood of the arms and legs worn, the now-dull veneer rubbed off or scratched, and the entire thing reeking of mothballs. As well you showed the emotion of the lover throught actions insead of simply stating : She was sad he was gone. I really like when people show insead of just telling, which the sentence i bloded before exhibits well too. I feel like this review is really short, i guess its becuase its a one shot and not a full chaptered story,but i digress. I didnt really see any mechanical errors that i was aware of when i was reading. So good job with that.

It was a great one-shot! If you didnt get a good grade on it, pigs will be flying tomorrow. This is a A+ one shot! Great Job!

This is really good!
I loved the repetition of the numbers, and the way you chose the words carefully.
I thought your description was excellent.
Great Job. <3