You're Mine - Comments

Love it

Holy shit!
I miss this story so FUCKING much!

Thanks soo much for the update. More? :D just can't get enough.

More! :)

Yea!

I honestly thought this story was done forever..

Weee!! I just read this whole story at once and I must say that I enjoyed it.Joey seems like a good guy but I'm still not sure yet.Can't wait to read more!!

Great story. Keep it up! ^_^

Loved the update!

I really like the new guy. Why the fuck is skylar angry! He caused this!

i love this story and i cant stand her family.

i have nothing else to say.

Hello, Daisy here to comment on your story like you asked -- kinda surprised you had me comment on this one since it's had so much attention. To each their own, yes? Do not take anything I say offensively, I do this in your best interest.

I critique things by chapter, so if I repeat something or a question stated once is answered, well, just ignore that, then. I do this so it's more detailed.

Chapter 01:
So, reading this, I am kinda taking it as a prologue. As in, a review before things get into the actual story. At least, that's how the tone of things is going. It's going at a fairly good pace, her re-capping things and she sounds like an average teenage girl, especially with the way she describes things.

Can't say I am too fond of her character, her tone, or whatever -- though this is a good step to show how she'll mature or change through the chapter -- showing how she was before it all happened, so I congratulate you.

I don't like telling as much as showing, but I am taking this as a review, so I won't be too judgmental on it, don't worry. Now, if other chapters are like that, well, I'll pick them apart, hah-hah. Because, to me showing > telling, despite there being a time and place for everything.

...Yeah, I'm not too fond of rape, so, already, I am pretty iffy about this other character in here -- I dislike him. Rape, while a sensitive subject to me, I will be able to read it, and it makes me pretty bias, making me instantly dislike someone if someone raped another person -- so I don't like Erik -- and he'd better redeem himself. If not, some other guy better come and pick her up and save her from her life.

Chapter 02:
Ah, from chapter two, I can see that your tone isn't just a summary as a prologue -- the story is going fast and the chapter was really short, or so it seemed like to me.

I feel bad for the character, mainly due to my personal experience with abuse and rape, and her mother seems like a good mother -- her boyfriend, I don't like so much. It's pretty good if you can evoke these emotions in the reader, it means you're doing something right, which is a great thing.

Though onto my complaint: you tell a lot. "I must have fallen asleep" and onward is basically telling us, you could have showed us she fell asleep by her spiraling into a dark mess of thoughts then just remember looking up into the sun. I think if you describe things more, and make the transitions a little more dark, you'll reflect the story and tone and theme better to the reader.

Chapter 03:
And when I began to think that he could redeem himself, claiming he had a mental disease, where he couldn't control himself, and thinking he was actually confused, when it turns out?

He wasn't.

That's absolutely disgusting. It makes me sick to my stomach, and seeing her doubt herself at the end? Well, that's a total blow to her character. I've actually been in a personal situation like this, with my friend, so I know what she's going through, and you're reflecting someone in that situation almost perfectly, and it's sort of depressing. Though, I still don't like how fast this story is going, some wording is off and there are a few spelling errors.

But in all, it's hitting me emotionally, you're doing a good job at it.

Chapter 04:
At this point, I am just tired of Erik's personality, the way he is. He's actually getting annoying and needs to suffer, but other than that. I think it'd be nice if there was a chapter that went into -why- he is acting like this, what sort of abuse he gets. Since in the first chapter it didn't really state he got any.

Is it survivor's guilt doing it to him?

I've heard about that messing a few people up, as, his father never beat him -- what happened to his family, are they even alive anymore? I sort of want to know what makes this guy tick, and not seeing anything about him is a bit irksome. She should find a journal, or ask a friend about him, or find something, some way to get out of this.

But that's just the writer in me wanting to know more about Erik and to see some characterization going on with him.

Chapter 05:
The one thing I am liking about this story, no, rather, two things I am liking is the fact that it's hitting me emotionally, and it's making me angry knowing someone is going through this. The second thing is that: you're writing -her- character pretty well.

You're showing her spiral into a fit of rebellious activity pretty well, showing how this is distressing her, showing how she's becoming depressed, how her thought process works.

But you're not doing that for other characters. I'm not seeing any depth to them -- and I know, scum don't have depth to them, but these just seem like pieces of cardboard that are convenient to make her suffer, which isn't appealing to the writer in me. I'd like some explanation on who these people are, why they do the things they do, and especially about Erik, as I said earlier.

I just think it'd do the story some good.

Chapter 06:
I like the prostitute at the end -- she sort of gave a bright insight into the story and a brighter tone at the end, almost foreshadowing as if there is a hopeful situation for the main character, like a light at the end of the tunnel.

I wonder if she's going to get pregnant, or maybe her systems in her body were so messed up she can't have any children? I guess we'll see.

I am not looking forward to seeing what's going to happen to her, I am almost dreading it, because it's so depressing. If I was her, at this point, I think I would stop, and let the pictures spread if they didn't have anymore of me. Because it's like: "yeah, I was enjoying sex with a boyfriend I loved, or so the pictures make it seem, and I trusted him, look how trustworthy -he- is, spreading pictures about me, and what sort of pervert does that?"

Then again, like the prostitute said "God ain't here no more". I think I can relate to that.

Chapter 07:
Coincidentally I have a "To Write Love On Her Arms" shirt on, right now.

I wish I could help her, I wish she didn't think of thoughts like that, and I wish she had a friend she could go to. This just makes me depressed, seeing the feelings and emotions reflected through the text. It's almost like re-living what happened. Heh.

Good job in writing it and provoking an emotional response, I still want to see details in the other characters, though, I think it'd be good for the story.

Chapter 08:
Well, the small bit of revenge she got -- him getting caught by the teacher, it's not enough, he deserves more, and I am really wondering why he is such a shallow scumbag. It's bugging me, really. I mean, what turns someone like this? A psychopath?

He needs to be checked, medically.

And so do the people working with him, it's actually getting tiring. I want to see her get a little bit more hope, maybe something good happen to her for once. And for you to cut down on telling, and show a little bit more. Like other characters too, add a good person in there, it'd make the story a bit brighter.

Chapter 09:
I don't believe her mother anymore. You don't call your daughter a whore if she is obviously troubled and cannot tell you something. You send them to a doctor if necessary, but you don't freak out over the littlest thing.

Getting them better > your pride.

But that's just my opinion -- I wonder if the doctor is really going to help her, I wonder what's going to happen next. Ah well, I wonder if we'll ever get into Erik's character or family -- maybe she could remember the family dinner to elaborate on his character.

Chapter 10:
...Herpes.

Alright, so they didn't get her pregnant, and instead she has a sexual disease -- well, she's at least not stuck with a child, and I wonder how her mother is going to react to that, how she's going to face that situation: hopefully she paid attention in Health and Biology and can make up some sort of lie.

I hope not. I hope she gets out of that situation.

Still waiting on elaboration for other characters: you did it a little bit for the mother, but not really anyone else. I want to see how the family is getting affected by what she is doing and what is going on in their lives due to her messy behavior.

But that's just me.

Chapter 11:
The mother absolutely disgusts me -- she's known her daughter for fifteen years but she insists on not helping her? Wow, great parenting, she's almost a reflection of my own mother, to me.

It's terrible. She's losing everything. And the doctor didn't help much. I wonder if any light of hope will flicker for her -- I don't even know if this story is over by chapter fourteen, but I hope her misery is.

Chapter 12:
And finally. Things are finally coming together and she told someone.

I wonder why she vomited -- maybe she's pregnant. I don't have much to say anymore as I had already said things above and these chapters are so short, so I apologize if this comment isn't good enough, heh.

Chapter 13:
Ouch, seeing someone act like this, it's horrible. It's like the situation that happened all over again for me. Well, the last chapter is next, let's see what happens.

Chapter 14:
My gods, finally, someone noticed something, hopefully, this person helps her -- her best friend had better do something, seriously. And her family makes me sick.

In all, you can see what this story evoked from me, what you got, what I want to happen and all of that. The story has been going great so far, so good luck, and quite frankly, happy writings.

Nooooo i cant believe it ended! I feel horrible for loving this story but i cant help but loving it! I subscribed C:

So it seems I haven't commented in a while.
But, OMG. Keep it up! Need to know what happens now!!!

Man that is so messed up!
Erik rapes Jessica and use her for money.
He took advantage of her love for his greed and his cousins aren't any better.
They will have karma bite them in them in the ass for being such heartless monsters.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omg!
Yes!
Tell me those frickers are caught!
And they leave her alone!!

Love it!
Much love,
Katerina

i love this story like sooo much. i mean like love love love it. your awesome.

I hope they get caught!!

uh oh please update realllyyyy soon please, ill love you forever!

great story can't wait for the next chapter