For The Nights I Cant Remember - Comments

I really like this. I have a bit of a secret weakness for really mushy romance one-shots. I think the story was very cute, and I like the way that you described how Chloe was dancing in the rain. However, some of sentences are a bit awkward. Espeically 'The her he was thinking of was Chloe.' Maybe edit it to something like 'The girl he was thinking of was Chloe.' or something along those lines? Also, the title needs an apostraphe in 'Can't'. But other than that, it was a very good story. I like it when these kinds of stories are told from the boys' point of view rather than the girls', because I rarely see that. So, good job. :)

I'm going to agree with what everyone else has said so far. The layout does need some work ,they are quite simple to make and it doesn't take much time at all. The pucuation needs some work and I seen a few lines that took me out of the story.
"The her he was thiking of..." if you were to describe her then state her name it would add a btter vibe to the story. I think you wrote "she" instead of "he" in one of the paragraphs too. It's just a simple thing a quick proof read would do well for this story.

The overall storline and plot you have is reall cute. I could really picture two 16 year olds being in love and being sad when one has to leave the other. You have got some really good work started here, I can't wait to see where this story goes.

I would recommend a layout, even if it's just really simple. Just as long as it's something. It would really draw in a lot more readers for you, I think. That's what layouts are for! To lure people in. ;)

I listened to the song in your summary while I read this. :) It's a very pretty, touching song and I think it fits in with the story well. And I think listening to it made the story better, overall. One thing you should probably work on is your use of commas. You left out quite a few that should have been in this. It's an easy fix to a story, and it's not that hard to learn. Well, yes, it kind of is. But it's not impossible. XD

This whole this is just really bittersweet. It's sweet because the guy is completely head of heels for this girl, and it just makes me go "Awww!". But then it's bitter because they have to be so far away. And unrequited love is the worst.

"I'm going to miss you too." He said matching her tone, 'more than you know' he thought in his head.

That was just really sad. It's stuff like that, that gets to me. </3

"Hold back your tears this time."

^^ That's in the song! I read that just as he sang it in the song. I love it when that happens. I really do like this song. It's very easily listenable, if that makes sense! haha and it really does make the story better when you listen to it! ^-^

And awww, you gave me a happy ending. They kissed, and they get to stay together. I was afraid you'd give this a sad ending, and I've read too much of those lately. This was really sweet toward the end. I liked it. (:

Like everyone else said, work on your punctuation, dialogue, and a little bit of a characterization (or just details about the characters). But other than that, this was very sweet and very touching. I loved the part where he was thinking about Chloe and how they danced in the rain. :) You did a nice job with this story.

Hm. I think this story shows definite promise, and it has its moments, but overall I'm a bit undecided. The writing is well enough, but I think this particular piece might have benefitted from a bit more proofreading and revision. There are definitely points I liked and points that for me didn't quite work. I liked the overall plot, but I would have loved this story more if perhaps you could have done more to describe the characters and really made me feel more like I know them. I'm not trying to slight you or anything; you did provide some scenes, backstory, and description, but it's just that what you provided made me crave more. Other than that, like I said proofreading and revision because I caught a few errors (and my rule of thumb is, for every error one catches there's probably one or two lurking elsewhere unseen):
It was three in the morning and Anthony was still awake.
-there should be a comma before "and"
The her he was thinking of was Chloe.
-I find this awkward. It pulls me out of the narrative because it just doesn't sound appropriate.
Unfortunately he had to move to California from their home town, Connecticut.
-This should probably say from their home town "in Connecticut" or "from their home state, Connecticut" more aptly. (The latter is better for the fact that like saying he had to move to California it only mentions the state, but the former is better because home town in Connecticut is more personal than just going by the state itself.)

As and additional note just to end the review on a high note, I would like to point out my favorite scene, which is the one where the two characters are dancing in the rain together. This is the sort of scene that left me wanting more direct scenes and development of these characters.For starters, I love the very activity of dancing in the rain, and secondly, in this instance it's just so sweet and romantic! Plus, I love that sort of strange energy behind it of "I'm not quite sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love"; it's so wonderful and relatable. Especially how they both obviously care enough to be beyond friends, but perhaps not quite enough that they feel comfortable sharing. Like they can't be sure that there's any basis for reciprocation. Like I said, wonderful and relatable.

Well, keep it up, dear! Cheers! :)

First off. I love this. I am not saying this because Im doing a skittle for you...
It reminds me so much of the situation I am..And, Im a sucker for sappy love stories...gosh..now I miss my Buu so much.
I love that you gave a little background before going to the current time..On your next short story..I'd add a little more character description so you can visual the characters more..but other then that its great.
gosh..I love sweet short stories like yours.

Oops, I forgot to add something. My favorite scene was the one where he caught her dancing in the rain. It was well written, and captured a romantic moment :)

This story would do a much better job of drawing in readers if you had a layout, I think. They're pretty simple to make. I can help you if you want :).

I stress this to just about everyone, so you aren't alone. Make use of commas. Most people don't use them nearly enough because they're afraid of using them too much, but their purpose is two separate two thoughts so that you don't have run-on sentences. I'd work on the dialogue a little bit, in terms of content and punctuation both.

Other than that, I thought that this was a cute little story with an equally cute ending. Most things have room for improvement, but it was pretty good. Good job.

Aw, Y U NO HAVE LAYOUT OR COMMENTS?

I would suggest working on some of the dialogue. I am no expert but I know you've got punctuation missing. Also, some of the sentences are a bit off.

Like this one: The her he was thinking of was Chloe. – Maybe revise this somehow.

and this one: As he laid - lied down would sound much better.

Any who, this one bothers me a bit too: he ever saw - he had ever seen.

Well, there is room for improvement but it isn't at all bad. I've read much worse, not that yours is a 'worse.' Maybe get a layout and a beta, and then make some improvements.