Beauty and the Beast - Comments

To begin with, I'm not really a Bieber fan. So when I was sent to this page by the comment swap, I was a little upset. BUT - when I began reading the story, I began to really enjoy it. It does seem a little repetitive because the main problem seems to be Justin. Add some more into it. Add more detail, but don't get too outrageous. Keep is at a happy medium and it will help the repetitive problem. If the problem is a character, don't let it hang on for too long because the story will get boring. Don't make the problem better suddenly, make it a step by step sorta thing. This story has a lot of potential, so keep up the hard work! :)

I truly wanted to curse comment swap for sending me to this one as I truly dislike Justin Bieber. The little shit annoys me so I honestly pictured someone else instead of him, otherwise it would have been painful to read. Sorry. With that in mind, Lyric is a pretty unique name, so kudos for that. Though I'm still indecisive about her character. I think you could add a bit more detail, but not too much as you don't want it to get boring. The story has potential so keep up the work :)

Comment swap sent me here, and I will first say that I don't like Bieber. Just don't. With that in mind, I will say that I find Lyric almost a bit too nasty. She is also slightly leaning towards being a Sue. I will agree that some things are a bit repetitive. Like DeadRoseCircus said, with some work, this could be an excellent story! Keep working, and always keep writing :)

Comment swap sent me here, and I will start out saying I don't enjoy Bieber's music of image, really, so I can't say if what you portray him as is accurate. Besides that, I love the name Lyric. Her attitude, although slightly nasty, is very realistic in my opinion. Focus on descriptions. It's good to let the readers know what's going on, but adding too many details makes it a tad boring. You're a very good writer and I wish you the best with this. =)

Honestly, I don't like Justin Bieber. Never have, probably never will.

You have a lot of small grammatical and usage errors that could easily be fixed by reviewing a grammar book and a bit of editing. Personally, I like commas, and there seemed to be a severe lack of them. I don't know much about how English grammar laws differ from American, but I would've liked a few more commas to make some sentences flow more smoothly.

I agree wholly with PinkiePromise; some things seem a bit repetitive and other things are just unnecessary.

I think with a little work, this could be a very good story.

Keep writing, <3.

I'd like to start with saying I like the idea of this story. It has a lot of potential and a lot of directions you could take it in, which is good. I also feel Lyric is justified in her anger. The layout is nice as well. However, many spelling and grammatical errors distracted me, an I felt that a lot of the dialogue and description were cliche. It's not bad though, and if I was a fan of Justin beiber I might continue reading.

This is the first JB story I've ever read, I try to stay away from them because I'm not exactly a huge fan of his... fans. But I comment swap for a reason. I believe that this has a lot of potential, it's well written, but there are a few things I believe kind of knocked my rating of it down.

Throughout the story there were parts when you'd just repeat the same thing over, and over, and over again. Like how much Lyric hates JB, or how much she needed space. Also your dialect tags were a bit much: "'Whatever Justin.' I sneered. '

What’s your problem?' He growled.

'You’re my problem!' I seethed.

'What? You don’t know me from eve!' He glared."

I would have personally written it like this: (1) "Whatever, Justin," I sneered.

(2) “What’s your problem?” he growled.

(3) “You’re my problem!”

(4) He glared at me, “What? You don’t even know me!”

Whenever your dialect ends with a period, you should make it into a comma if you plan on putting a dialect tag on the end (see the first quote). In number two I made the 'he' into a lower case since you shouldn't capitalize a dialect tag, it's not proper. Three shows that not all quotes need tags, we still know it's Lyric talking and the "I, he, I, he" isn't getting repetitive. The last one, number four, shows that mixing up the dialect tag helps the story flow and becomes different and doesn't repeat.

Although your story is well written, you lost me at some points when your writing become rushed and boring, it's like you were forcing yourself to add information that wasn't necessary for the story. Like this passage: "After I made her food I made myself a sandwich and made my way upstairs to get changed and listen to music. I turned on some Green Day and ate my sandwich. I decided to take a shower and then got changed into my Edward Scissor hands t-shirt, my shorts, my purple hoodie, my purple supras and my black superman hat. I began to sing along to minority at the top of my lungs." Really I didn't need to know exactly what she was wearing besides the purple supras. I also didn't need to know she ate the sandwich while listening to Green Day. A simpler way of saying this could've been: After I fed my puppy I made myself some food which I enjoyed upstairs while relaxing in my room, my ipod shuffling my favorite songs. After I finished, I took a quick shower and changed, wearing my favorite purple supras and jamming out to the music that blasted through my speakers.

Lastly I really liked Lyric up until the last half of the second chapter. She had a lot of emotion and I could connect with why she didn't want JB staying. Then you lost that with her fighting with him in the airport and making her into a Mary Sue who has everything. Gorgeous, rich and everything else.

That's all, I think by looking over your chapters and editing them before posting this would really have wowed me. Try to shy away from making your characters perfect, no one is perfect and we all have flaws. (Please don't take this personally, I'm strictly talking about writing and I think this was a great story so far.)

SO not a bieber fan...sorry!! lol
Having said that, this is well written!!! Her name is pretty and unique and I like it a lot! I also LOVE your background and totally think you should make some for me hahaha :)

but i do like how her and justin's relationship got better and probably will throughout the rest of the story. :) Keep up the good work!

I've never read a Justin Beiber Fanfic before, but I think your writing is pretty decent :) I have to say though, if I ever spoke to my parents the way she speaks to her father...it would be bad. I feel like Lyric will fall for Justin? If this is correct I think you'll do best by making their relationship grow as a believable one and not too fast. Good job so far :)

Alright. I never really read a Justin Bieber fan fic but I know plenty about the guy so I was excited to read this. I really like Lyric's name along with the other people who posted comments, but I think it's because my closest cousin's name is Lyric.
Saying that lemme just say the whole time I was reading the first like 3 chapters I was thinking "Lyric's a bitch. Did she just cuss at her dad? Is she really mad at Justin for nothing? Is she really calling all these other people fake bitches?" But I assume she'll get better as the story goes on because she's irritating me haha.
I also hope to find out why the story is named after that particular fairy tale throughout the story...
And also I hope you don't rush their relationship alright? Good job :D

The only thing I can say, really, is that you need to double your paragraphs. Everything is crammed together making it hard to read. Her names is pretty but it's really distracting and it'd be good to take that into consideration next time you write a story. It feels somewhat like prose, kind of, and it's hard to focus on the story. Good idea though.

The layout is downright gorgeous. I really don't like Justin Bieber, my opinion on him all together is long and lengthy and will probably bore you, so I'll just get on with it. I like lyric's name, I don't like her. I don't see the point in hating someone you don't even know. All in all, this story is pretty good.

I'd suggest spacing the paragraphs out a bit, because it kind of reads a little smashed together currently.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not a huge fan of Justin Bieber so I don't seek out his stories ever. But I got this for comment swap so.

I'm going to be straight up too. I don't like Lyric (although I do love her name. Kudos on that). Why does she hate a boy she probably hasn't even met? Why would she set out to be kind of rude to him when they first meet?

I mean, I understand not being an ass-kissing-hostess. But Lyric isn't being that at all. I think she's just being a meanie.

Her friends are wonderful though. Being supportive and all that.

I like the layout too. It's pretty. Overall, I think this was good writing. :)

I'm not into Justin Beiber personally, but ignoring that and looking objectively, it was fairly well-written and kept my attention. Kudos on that.

I guess my only critique would be this section that was unclear and confusing to read:
"You know how a few years ago when we first got this life when you got the job? Remember how suddenly got all these new friends well with Justin it will be worse because not only will I have all these fake ass bitches trying to be my friend I will also loose friends and people will start spreading rumours."

I would suggest maybe tweaking it to something like: "Remember when you first got this job a few years ago, when we got this new life? How I suddenly got all these new "friends"? Well, with Justin it will be worse because not only will I have fake ass bitches trying to be my friend, I will also lose friends, and have rumours about me spreading."

Anyhow, good writing, keep it up.

I’m not sure what to say about this. For one I guess, its not what I was originally expecting. I’m not a big fan of Bieber and unfortunately I had to ignore that fact just to get through the story. No offense though. Other then that I thought it was a great story. Unsure if I will subscribe or not.

I'm intrigued, very well written so far! I'm looking forward to more please! *Clicks subscribe* :)

aww i like this can you update this???

i love it update soon pleasse!!

i know me 2 plz update

can u update plz cuz ive been waiting since u updated chapter 2