Square Your Debt - Comments

  • silk tea.

    silk tea. (400)

    :
    Member
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    Age:
    31
    Location:
    United States
    The Mystical Creatures Judging
    Thank you for joining The Mystical Creatures Contest, the judging is now in process your results will be posted soon.

    Layout
    Well, I certainly love the layout. You and the other werewolf contestant have similar layouts actually, and I adore them both. The wolf as the photo is fantastic, I think it’s a beautiful photo and your colors coordinate wonderfully with it. I’ve always been iffy on whether I like werewolves looking like wolves or scary savage beasts. It really depends on the story or myth I think, but either way the layout it beautiful. ☺

    Summary
    I don’t have much to say about it other than I’m certainly curious.

    Story Content
    Here is where I will collect spelling/grammatical errors and any awkward or misleading information about the story.

    He's pretty sure what he's doing isn't completely legal, but he needs the money and no the no-questions-asked work that's on offer. I could be wrong but do you mean ‘know the no-questions-asked work’?

    He doesn't look where he's going past trying not to fall over, and he keeps his head down as the shots seem to follow him down the streets that reek of fish. comma after down.

    Or yesterday evening; Brian's not wearing a watch and his mobile at home in his small flat. you’re missing an ‘is’ after mobile.

    They were a peach colour that shone like gold in the light of the chandelier hanging down from the centre of the square hall’s ceiling, decorated in glass baubles which reflected the light in every direction. comma after baubles.

    I could really see this becoming a full written novel. You’ve got an Adult Author style if that makes sense. This isn’t the type of thing you’d find in the YA section of a library or book store. It’s got a maturity about it that’s rare to find on this website and I’m very impressed by it. However, I have a crap ton of questions that I don’t know how to word and I want to know what the eff is going on.

    What’s the bottle? What does it have to do with his transformation, etc. However, I like the way you write it and I like that it’s anything but romance. I like that he’s struggling with money even with being a supernatural creature—and I like that Thomas is almost like his drug dealer. I like the tense you write this in as well, very nice—it fit well with the way you write and the type of story this is.

    I could really see this being continued into a full fledged book one that could be very interesting but would probably be enjoyed by those who can handle something written as maturely as this. If that makes sense.

    Wonderful job. Thanks for joining the contest!
    January 2nd, 2011 at 05:23am