Fall of the Unsinkable - Comments

  • Bridgesmademyday

    Bridgesmademyday (150)

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    i am in shock.
    omygawd. i don't think i could have ever lived the tragedy better than what you wrote here. good job. good job.
    September 17th, 2008 at 04:28am
  • dr. faustus

    dr. faustus (1070)

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    "Fall of the Unsinkable."

    First of all I loved how you described everything. "the chorus of the damned." it was just beautiful and heart warming. While I was reading all I thought about was the movie and that's not a bad thing, and I believe it made the story more powerful.

    I like how you didn't give the main character a name, like she was an unknown soul on the Titanic that night. "I watched in horror as human beings, mothers and fathers, old couples and children, all were forced into the water. Deck chairs and tables were sliding down; some desperately threw them overboard as floatation devices."

    I felt the emotion and it was like I was there. I don't know much behind the real story, but I think you done a great job of putting yourself in someone's shoes and feeling what they did.

    "The surface disappeared, all I could see was black, and all I could feel was the tightening in my chest as I made my way to my cold ocean grave… "

    The ending was mind blowing and like I said before, the thought of not giving her a name was brilliant all she is now is just a memory.
    July 22nd, 2008 at 11:28pm
  • The Lovecraft

    The Lovecraft (500)

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    :Like Spaztastic said, your experiment went very well(we seem to agree a lot on comments.:)).
    As to what I think... Well, what could I possibly think than "Well done!"? One big "Well done!" for you, your description was very very good. I could literally visualize the ship at every moment, just like I saw her, a few years ago, in the movie.
    Thousands of voices pierced through the night, crying for loved ones and begging for help; the chorus of the damned. - that's gorgeous in a way that terrifies me.
    Thanks for telling me about your story.:)
    February 5th, 2008 at 03:38pm
  • Spaztastic

    Spaztastic (640)

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    I read the AN and your experiment went well.
    I've seen Titanic before, so I knew how everything went and what it looked like, but you did a great job with descriptions. I liked the metaphors you used.
    Like this onel Almost all the lifeboats were gone, and yet…I was escaping them as if they were the portals to Hell.

    Another thing that I give you points for is knowing ships are called 'she'. If you used 'the ship' or 'the Titanic' constantly I would've gotten annoyed since, after all, ships are called 'she'. I'm glad you knew that.

    The echoing yells of the boat hire man echoed through my ears as I kept running.
    ^ I felt like this sentence needed some tweaking. Using 'echo' twice doesn't seem to work. One needs to be taken out or replaced, because using it the first time told the reader the yells echoed - meaning the second use was unneeded. You could keep the second use and just change the first one. Maybe to piercing, or something.

    Nice job.
    January 18th, 2008 at 11:27pm