*and, not land.
February 28th, 2011 at 07:50pm
I'd like to start off by say that I really like this one-shot, and I think you did a great job with it. I like how descriptive you are, because I could really imagine myself in that situation. In fact, I have been in an extremely similar situation. I can really sense a passion behind this, like you've been through it, too. That really helps in writing because you know what you're talking about, land you can tell that you do.
"But instead of unleashing my angry I escape to here." You should never start a sentence with 'but.' That indicates, that it's not a thought of its own, and also, 'angry' should be anger, and there should be a comma in between anger and I. When dialogue is used, you should have the opening quotations, then whatever is being said, a comma, and then the closing quotations. I noticed you could work on your use of commas, but that's just something you can grow on as a writer.
But that's just me being a Grammar Nazi. Again, you did a great job with this, and I want to thank you for entering my contest.