Confusion Is the Strongest Emotion - Comments

Another brilliant chapter. -worships- To be honest, I really wish this fic would never end because I love it so much. But anyway, on with the commenting!

I love love love Ryan's reaction to them getting signed. It was very cute and I didn't expect it of him, but at the same time it made a lot of sense for him to squeal and hug Brendon :3

Maybe he only snuggled into Brendon at night because there was no one else there.
I really loved this paragraph. I really felt Brendon'sinsecurity and his loneliness and his need for Ryan. The last line that I've just quoted, that really pushed the point and it's just such a wonderful line. Word-perfect.

At one house he saw two small bikes next to the tree and a girl hugging her mother. At another, he saw a teenager holding her little brother in her lap while she helped him dig into his stocking. At another he saw two adults holding hands at the kitchen table.

"I want to be your boyfriend." he whispered. "But not yet."

"Just for a little while." Ryan whispered.

I loved the whole Christmas scene, it felt so Christmassy (technical writing term, that is. ). I don't know exactly what it was about it, but it felt like a proper Christmas. Those lines that I've quoted were my favourites :)

Its too cute.
So so cute.
The christmas scene made me so happy. I wish Brendon had been able to spend time with his parents though.. I just feel so terrible about him not being able to. It makes me sad... but its cool.

Brendon was five years old again, running through the apartment to find the aforementioned item, running on adrenaline and Christmas cookies and Santa Claus.
There's something just so perfect and beautiful and childlike about this sentence, and everything you write about in this story feels real.

To be fair, only Brendon saw the elephant as pink. Ryan saw it as a normal, gray elephant. Brendon liked the color pink more than he felt he probably should, but that was his little secret.
That made me laugh a little. I love how you've woven little bits of comic relief throughout the chapters, it works really well (esspessially as the Ryan, Brendan and Spencer are really good friends and would most likely make jokes about each other in real life. And that line fits Brendan's personality in here so well).

And I love how realistic you've made the whole story. It isn't just 'Hey, join our band, hey look we're famous! Let's have lots of sex now!" You've actually made an effort to pace the story and have the characters get jobs and struggle with food and stuff, which I don't see that often on mibba. (Though I'm gonna bet there's gonna be at least one sex scene in one of the later chapters )

And the ending to chapter six is just completely adorable! Usually I'm not a big fan of sappiness, but you've managed to pull it off by not going overboard by it. (I totally love the sound of that notebook, by the way).

“(Brendon wouldn’t have put it past Ryan to check an invisible pocket watch.)”
This line is so, so perfect. It encapsulates so much of Ryan’s character so neatly and I just love it. That and the mentions of him “thinking too loudly” – you have this wonderful way of expressing so much so simply.

“Not that he was homophobic in the least,”
This was the only thing that bothered me. Frankly, it felt like kind of a cop-out. I suppose you meant “homophobic” in the sense of “having a problem with gay people”, so it would be accurate to say that Spencer isn’t homophobic, but it can also mean “isn’t completely, 100% comfortable with homosexuality”, and if that’s what you meant – well, I doubt that under that definition, a teenaged suburban Spencer wouldn’t be homophobic in the least. I would’ve appreciated it if you’d mentioned that despite his acceptance of Ryan and Brendon, Spencer was still a little uncomfortable at the mention of gay sex. It would’ve made him a bit more three-dimensional to me, anyway.

One of the things I really love about this story, actually, is that I get the feeling that Ryan and Brendon are dealing with their own homophobia and trying to figure out how to have non-hetero romantic relationships – it’s so great and real and honest. I really just love how fabulously canon this is. It’s so convincing that I’m losing track of what’s fact and what’s artistic license.

“If he needs to make out with some slut and try to pretend he’s straight or whatever, that’s fine with me. Thank God I’m not that pathetic.”
OH RYAN, YOU AND YOUR DRAMATIC IRONY. <3

I wish I could be more constructive and helpful, but honestly 90% of what I have to say about this story is incoherent gushing. I love, love, love it and I’m so excited to read more.

I haven't read anything by you in a very long time, so I just wanted to type a quick comment about this story. I definitely have forgotten how much talent you have. Amazing job, truly.

I'm sorry I'm not very good with reviews, so I'll just keep my comments short and sweet. Keep it up. I'm a fan.

So I finally got to go through this entire thing and I loved it all. I really liked the first four chapters a lot more than the last, but that could be because this last chapter really fucking depressed me. It's such a different feel in thischapter than the last one. I thought it was good to have some comic relief in there with Ryan having a boyfriend like Chris, at least I could smile when they mocked him because there were really no other parts that I could smile about.

I only really have two things that kinda got to me in this chapter. The first one, which could be totally personal preference, but you can hear me out if you want to. (you may get into this later, and please tell me if you do plan on doing so because if you are, I'll take this right back) I get that this is a fan fiction and you're assuming that your readers know a thing or two about Panic, but it's halfway through the story and you've only really hinted at what's going on with Ryan's homelife. It could be just me, but I think that's a really significant thing, at least at this point in thief lives and nothings really gone on about it. And the second, there were actually quite. Few typos throughout this. I can go through them for you since these chapters are really long and it would be a bitch for you to go through them, but I'm on my iPod right now and that's impossible, so maybe tonight when I get to my computer, i can PM you with the bits that need fixing. Cause that's really all this story needs to be fucking perfect.

I've loved any one-shot I've read of yours and I've really enjoyed reading a chaptered story because it's like, at the end of oneshots, half the time, I'm like damn, I didn't want that to end and so with this it's kinda like more fulfilling in a way. I'll probably feel the same way when you've finished this, but I just love how long this is.

Keep up the great work. This is for sure my favourite story on Mibba, well like the only story I read on Mibba.

I've never been really good at this, but here goes:
This is a really strong piece of writing. Lots of metaphors, vivd descriptions, analogies, and phrases that just work really well. It's almost hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that this is a fanfiction, since it really seems like a lot of hard work went into it. As budgie said, your narration feels very real and true, like something that someone would really say or feel. Please update soon, since I can't wait to see where this story goes.

It’s like they were written for people who are all gone now. They don’t speak to anyone anymore.
God. This is wonderful. ;~;

I've said it before, but I really, really, really love your characterisation of them. I think your view of Ryan is absolutely perfect.

Your narration is lovely. Everything feels very real and honest and not Hollywood-ised (I don't know if that made sense? xD). I can picture this really happening, somewhere.

^Claimed again. I got it this time.

“It was fine.” Don’t talk about Dylan, don’t talk about Dylan, don’t talk about Dylan.

I like how you capture his struggle to keep his mouth shut. I do that a lot also.

Spencer stood up. “I’m going to leave you guys alone for girl talk now.” he informed them. Not that he was homophobic in the least, but he didn’t really want to hear all about the gay sex when he could be playing video games or doing something productive.

Hahaha, you said girl talk.

Ryan didn’t say anything to that, just let Brendon continue to ramble, laughing when necessary, and asking the questions that he knew the younger boy wanted him to ask. After all, wasn’t that what friends were for?

Aw, that's kind of sweet. I'm like that with my sister. You're pretty good at putting real and realistic aspects of life in here.

The first party Ryan went to with Brendon left scalding blisters on his fingers, but the boy simply popped them into his mouth to soothe the burn.

Although that sounds disgusting, it also sounds like a boy.

Brendon wanted to crawl inside Dylan’s voice and just pass out, breathing in the sounds.

I like that, I might use it. Nah, just kidding. My style is different.

I kind of like how you don't shift away from the boy characters and make them completely girl-boy people that sound nothing like boys. I like how you're constantly making him remember that he still his a boy and not a girl or some (shit) thing like that.

I'm feeling kind of dumb. I'm nonstop confusing Brendon with Dylan. I guess it's because I'm used to distinctive names or something. Hopefully I'm the only one.

I think you should... well, It's kind of far into the story... but maybe you could change some of the names of your characters to something a little different and not names that are so common. I find it kind of confusing to read when I read stories with people that have a common names because I get confused with who is who. But then again, from what I've read so far, you book doesn't seem that diverse when it comes to race so it could get kind of hard to change the character's names and still make it realistic. In my school, almost all of the white people have common (white people) names. Like Jacob, John, Trevor, William. But my school is so diverse, people have all kinds of names.

But this is still a fiction so it won't hurt.

[...]“I tried.” Ryan admittedly sheepishly, blushing a little. [...]

I think it should be "Ryan admitted sheepishly" If flows better.

[...]Brendon whispered back, letting his fingers run down of the spines.[...]

Do you mean "letting his fingers run down the spines"?

“I try.” the older whispered back. He was staring at Brendon and there was something in his eyes, some emotion. Hunger, maybe? But then Ryan turned his head and cleared his throat. “So, yeah. There’s one more thing I have to show you.” He looked like he might take Brendon’s wrist and lead him out, but then he just beckoned with his hand, an almost claw-like shape to his artist’s fingers.

Sounds like me in certain situations. Some things in this story I can relate to (except for the gay part). I like relating to stories.

You got some more typos but I don't want to be bitchy about them and point every single one out to you.

Maybe this is a little stereotypical but this is a first where I've read (or even seen) gay guys being friends. It's different, but the good kind of different.

I’m not even all the way gay, he through bitterly as he lit a cigarette, kicking out at the nothingness that was in front of him. So fuck you. He thought it was sort of funny how he and Ryan had completely different home lives, completely different parents, and neither of them was out. Neither of them could be out. Some things were just universal, he supposed.

I see where the title came from now.

The younger boy shook his head, not because he disagreed, but because it was a conversation he didn’t really want to have when he was tangled up in someone else. “Later.”

I'm sure that anytime you put dialogue into a story, you always start a new paragraph unless it's a continuation of what the same person said before. So anytime you're starting a conversation, you start a new paragraph. I'm not 100% sure but I think I'm correct.

"...And he’s so fucking pretty.” He said the last word like it physically hurt him, wincing slightly as it left his mouth.

Again, sounds like me.

Okay, so, like I said before, maybe you should relax a little on the parenthesizes and all that other good ish. Besides that it's pretty good. You perfectly explain the thoughts of a teenager very well and make the characters seem real. Plus I'm happy that you don't make the events in the story too unrealistic and shit like others do. I think that comes with age and maturity though and you seem to have the upper hand on both of those characteristics.

Review of chapter four:

Okay, I didn’t go through the previous chapters in great detail so please feel free to correct me if I’m confused about something and point it out and its about something that’s happened earlier. Hopefully that doesn’t happen cos that’s always awkwarddddd…

Okay, first things first, I really like how this chapter sort of just started. There wasn’t much of an introduction and it surely didn’t need one. I love when authors begin a chapter in the middle of the action, it makes me feel as though I truly didn’t miss anything between chapters.

Brendon refused to cry, not only on principle but because he wasn’t quite sure why he wanted to in the first place. I fucking love that its only two paragraphs and you already have a line that just had to copy and paste in my comment. I just related to this line so fucking much, it made so much sense because there’s so many times where I’ve just had that feeling in my stomach and I can my eyes getting all teared up and I don’t even understand why its happening before it does and its so goddamn frustrating and embarrassing. Its just amazing that you brought out so many emotions in a sentence that really is supposed to detail a lack of emotion, or lack of understanding at least. That was a bit of a ramble, my bad.

I loved the flashback that you just threw in there. It worked so well and it made Dylan and Brendon seem so innocent. And I loved how desperate Brendon seemed to have sex with Dylan because even though I haven’t read the older chapters, I really get the sense that he just really, really needs to feel loved by someone and needs the physical confirmation because something’s happened to him to make him feel unsure of simple verbal displays of affection. That really intrigues me. And when he’s nervous about what Ryan will think about what he did with Dylan, its just so innocent and childish and desperate for Ryan’s approval, really. I think you really got Brendon’s vulnerability down in this chapter (perhaps you’ve done it through the entire story, but I haven’t read that much) and it makes you feel so much closer to him because we’ve all had those insecurities and those desires and its just so relatable that it hurts, you know? It’s like, half the time, I see myself in him and it brings back all these memories of situations where I felt that same way and all that.

You characterize so fucking well, jesus. Like you don’t just write how people are, you just show me through your other characters of their own actions. Like the part where Brendon’s Mum asked if he’d met any nice boy and Brendon scowled because he knew what she really meant; that really showed me what his mother was like and you didn’t even have to really say much at all but I got an immediate general idea about who she was.

I love how forward you made Ryan. It was so him to just ask if Brendon had fucked someone and I loved that you mentioned that he didn’t blush, it just proved how unembarrassed he was about asking. I’ve always thought that Ryan was sort of on another level than most people his age so the way he was asking that, though they’re still pretty young just showed that he was mature enough to know that sex was just something that humans do and there was no point in denying something so natural. I also liked how you kept mentioning that Ryan’s smile was real because I totally get when someone says something and you just smile because you know you should find it funny or whatever but you just feel as though you’re above that concept and I get the feeling that Ryan feels that way a lot and it was good to show that he was just smiling he was smiling because he genuinely cares about what Brendon has to say.

The phone call from Dylan was the first real breeze Brendon felt that month.
You don’t even know how in love I am with this line. I just get the feeling and you described in words I wish I had found before you hahaha.

The call disconnected and Brendon wondered--hoped against it--that Dylan’s home life didn’t resemble Ryan’s, too.
God, this line made me feel sick because when he got nervous when his Dad got home, I had a momentary itching feeling that he wasn’t just nervous, he was actually scared and I didn’t need someone else to think it too because it made my suspicion that much more real and possible.

I am in love with Ryan’s descriptions of old books, it made so much sense and it was a concept I never really thought about though I knew that there were books from a long time ago that obviously didn’t fit our time. It like characterized all of society in like twenty words, it was incredible. And it made me feel as though I were special to be around the books (even though I wasn’t physically there, you know what I mean hahaha) and even though I could never get through them either, it was like a privilege to even know about them. And the part with the stage was so fucking emotional for me because I’m a musician myself and I know exactly what it feels like to look up at a stage and want like nothing fucking else to be up on it and singing your heart out for everyone. Its such a good scene to have.

In the paragraph where Kara comes back, there’s a little typo: Brendon and Ryan were dancing (badly) to trance music in hisrooms… Rooms should be room.

I really like Kara, she seems really sweet and I think she really cares about Brendon, but I just hate it when people bring up a subject in front of people it should never have been brought up with. And it was a good situation to have because even though Ryan and Brendon being gay isn’t really the premise of the story, it’s good to focus on that at some points just so we know that there are still obstacles that people need to constantly work around, especially within such a religious family.

He didn’t really want to meet Dylan, but he wouldn’t say it out loud because then he might actually have to acknowledge why. I love this line. I love that you didn’t even have to say why as an author because its been portrayed so well that we just know why. And I love Ryan’s reaction to meeting Dylan, it was the perfect mix of bitterness, anxiety and desperation covered up with the desire to keep it cool. It was so real. Again, I love how forward he is, with the comment about long distance relationships rarely working.

Dylan is officially one of the sweetest people ever! I love relationships like this where its said to be casual but its just so obvious that there’s so much love there for one another. Its so cute, them trying to deny it and all. And though Brendon really likes Ryan, I don’t think he’ll realise how much he liked Dylan and how good he could have been for him.

And I love how Ryan just won’t admit that he’s fallen for Brendon. And his excuse that Dylan was too old for Brendon was so bullshit that I laughed even before Spencer responded to it. I wish he would just say something so they could both get all their feelings out there because they shouldn’t be hiding it.

Ryan didn’t think that was a completely answer thought. This line really confused me. I’m not sure if there’s a typo or if I’m just completely missing something, but it just felt really awkward to read.

The ending to this was just so fucking sweet and I hope to God that Brendon does it because like Spencer said its so obvious that its painful and it just needs to come about right now.

I really loved going through this chapter. I’ve always loved your writing, but I’ve never really gone this in-depth and it was good to get into why I liked things so much and understanding why certain words you used made me feel a certain way. You’re a wonderful writer and hopefully when I find the time, I’ll read the rest of this and catch up.

finished. Confusion is the Strongest Emotion Chap. 1. Sorry I couldn't get any farther. ::opps:

The layout picture looks like a homemade picture, I think I like it. Makes me feel like this story is more realistic than the fancy, overly edited pictures people put on their stories do. It's like a blatant reminder to me that, "this is a fiction".

“We do need a new guitarist.” Spencer pointed out, trying to keep his voice soft but not doing a very good job. Not overly loud, just not quiet either. “I mean, I miss Trevor too, dude, but we can’t just wait for him to come back from Montana.”

Maybe you could take the thing in bold out. It kind of messes up the flow of the words for me.

“Can I stay over Friday?” Ryan asked.

Spencer nodded. “Let me ask Mom, but I don’t think she’ll care.”

That made me laugh a little on the inside, they sound so young and... just free. The way I am, I guess, because I'm just in my mid teens.

And, just like that, Ryan-the clever master of disguising that pink elephant that’s just starting to take outline in the middle of the room-managed to make it all disappear. Or, perhaps, like most teenage boys, he just thought he was a lot more clever than he actually was. Either way, Spencer didn’t see the elephant.

I like the usage of the elephant and how you brought in the thing about teenage boys. Most of them don't have a clue of what's right in their face.

Brent’s mom.” he lied, before his mother could interject with one of her fifteen-minute long the dangers of teenagers and driving speeches.

sounds like my mother.

His mother nodded and the teenager could almost see all the reservations bouncing around in her head like Mexican jumping beans.

The way you use "the teenager", I like that, it makes the narrator seem older and wiser. Besides, most of us think we know half of what we actually don't.

(Which, in reality, he had. But Brendon didn’t mind because it was such a nice change for someone to actually care about something he had to offer.)

Perhaps you should rid of that. I think it sort of ruins the possible "secret" to come in the story.

“Writers.” Brendon said with a slight eye roll and a scoff, but he squirmed inside because he really had no idea what he meant by it. Brent laughed though.

After class, Brent’s mom gave them a ride to practice and dropped them off at a house with a blue Sedan in the driveway. It was kind of crappy (the car, not the house) and it had a couple of band stickers on the back windshield, so Brendon assumed it didn’t belong to whoever owned the pretty nice house.

You're jumps get a little confusing. Perhaps you could let if flow a little better from one place to the next.

But Ryan did have that look, so Brendon’s first impression wasn’t quite as awestruck. (He actually thought the other boy was a little funny looking but, hey, he had a car so he was going to keep his mouth shut.)

I think you have just a little bit of too many thoughts in parenthesizes. It's a story about people and their thoughts are very important to the story and it'd be better if you didn't make them looked at as something that you could possibly disregard because that's how parenthesizes are read to most people, an optional read.

Or not so jokingly maybe because he knew he had a rather eclectic music taste and teenagers were, for some reason he couldn’t comprehend, incredibly defensive about being forced to listen to music they didn’t like.

Sounds like me.

Brendon had never been in a band before and this became slightly, painfully obvious during his second practice. Or that could have just been his awkward personality. And after Ryan snapped at him for being too weird again, they decided to take a break. Brendon went to the bathroom and tried not to cry, but the tears just came. And then he snuck out the window and lit the last bit of the joint he had in his jacket pocket.

It'd be nice if you further explained how he was being weird.

Death by too-skinny lyricist.

haha, good slay (uh, joke, just in case you don't know my slang)

[...]a face at glanced at the window[...]

I think 'at' should be replaced with 'and'.

Brendon looked up at him, slightly shocked. “No! That’s not. I was just . . . my hand was sweating. I don’t care that you’re gay.” he added, a little too loud and defensive. “Here.” He thrust his hand back at Ryan lamely and the teenager shoved it away, crossing his arms and staring at the floor.

Haha, I liked how you described him giving his hand back lamely. Sounds like a lot of nervous people I know.

Brendon giggled and then felt bad and immediately threw his arms around the other boy in an awkward sort of hug. “Sorry.” he whispered. “It’s just . . . everyone knew.”

You capture the life of a teen well even though you're out of it. It's like, you're looking back and listening to a video of your teenhood and listening to your thoughts while taking notes... if that makes any god-damned sense.

I like the way you captured the thoughts the most. It was like, the actually life of an adolescence. And I like that you don't write with too much creativity with the way you write your words with this type of story because it's more like a story that is supposed to get a story across. (I'm probably making no sense).

But anyway, review as much as I can tomorrow, and I probably broke the rules of this game but oh well. As of now, my eyes hurt.

This is gorgeous Dru... I've always just been a silent admirer of your work, but I can't not comment on this..
It captures a raw emotion in it... the honesty of teenage love. The honesty of a hook up that is always a little more sentimental than a hook up..
And in my mind Dylan is Hunter Parish, so thats also lovely...

I can honestly say that when I began this, it's not how I pictured it was going to be. I think I expected it to be another Ryden or something of the sort. And, honestly, it's a book. Normally, things moving fast paced is rushed and just terrible, but even though I got the vibe of fast paced for this story, it was more like an excellent book you read it one sitting, cover to cover. It was quite a lot for one chapter, but it was necessary and when something is good, it doesn't matter.

I love how you describe it, as well. There was a bit about someone's breath ghosting on another's skin (I say 'someone," because I can't remember who) and I love that, absolutely love it.

Well done.

I love Brendon in this. You've made him young and awkward and unsure without going overboard and I think it's incredibly believeable and so well done and I just want to cuddle him.

The way you kept having him think of Ryan was brilliant, without making it obvious that Brendon likes him. I mean, the reader know that he does but you don't slap us in the face with the fact and I like that.

He even heard the other boy whispering quietly and he felt a small pang of something that might have been jealousy. After all, it hadn’t been that long ago that Brendon used to whisper prayers and actually believed someone was listening to him, that someone cared.
This is beautiful. I still sometimes feel like this and I think it's very relatable.

Excellent installments, can't wait for the next ones :D

I love how Ryan thinks; though I've read your other works so I have an idea of how you write

your characters, its still just so refreshing to read someone that I already sort of know is

fleshed out and perfected in my mind. This is all just from what I've read by you before though,

but in this I just love how he changes the way his mind thinks so quickly. How well Spencer

knows Ryan also is sort of, I dunno, amusing? He knows just how everything'll pan out with

him.

That Spencer sort of tries to convince/comfort Ryan and is so calm about it, and how you

launch us directly into Ryan's thoughts is just wonderfully connected. I'm guessing that he

wanted to keep their [Ryan and Trevor's] relationship a bit of a secret, even though Ryan's

quite open-seeming about his sexuality? It's sort of really interesting and, from there, how

Ryan taks control and simply changes the subject is so fitting for the Ryan I've got in my

mind from the way you write.

The simplicity in your dialogue contrasts in such a way with your description that it makes

the scene seem like an everyday sort of thing, something that could happen in absolutely

anyone's life, and yet I feel more like I'm watching a movie of this in my mind. I think that's

what I'm really liking about this, along with how personable the characters seem even though,

for the most part, they're still static characters and aren't exactly defined entirely yet.

How Brendon is so anxious about the audition and how he sort of seems like he's trying to

convince his mother by promising he'll be back before a certain time is endearing. It's

something I'm sure a lot of people have done, though perhaps not for the same reason as

Brendon right then, that it just adds yet another swirl of reality to this. I sort of feel like

Brendon's mom is a touch crazy, y'know? (argh, shh, I hardly know anything about P!ATD's

backstories, just the music )

Brent waiting on Brendon and that Brendon was sort of touched is sort of showing just how

exciting this all is to the latter, I guess? From there, when Brent mentions that Ryan wants to

decode Brendon and Brendon just recalls something that is such a secret to Ryan so casually

is sort of, I dunno, quirky? I like that Brendon knows more about Ryan then he thinks. It's

intriguing and gives both of them a bit more depth: Brendon's a curious little bastard, and

Ryan's a "secretive" one.

I love how Brendon sort of observes everything. It's like everything is of interest and is

open to be talked about until he thinks about it for a second and decides if, in fact, it's

appropriate to talk about, such as with the guitar and his opinions on it. I tihnk the best part

about this is how little description you actually give about how the boys look. If someone's

not particularly familiar with Panic and they don't really look at pictures of them or anything,

you can sort of just get an idea of them in their head from the loose lines you set.

Still, though, that Brendon is drawn to Ryan despite his odd expression is adorable. Something

about it just works in that scene and it's so soft and just natural sounding. The joking/serious

nature that he holds when he talks about music and everything is just Brendon. The Third Eye

Blind selection would work for an audition into Panic, wouldn't it? That just makes sense.

gdfshgdfgkjdf. That's all I can think right now. We're what, a thousand to two thousand into

this, and I already just want Brendon and Ryan to get together, Ryan's simple admission

of a fact sort of sets everyone off their balance, and the exchange between Spencer and Brent

is pretty much exactly what the reader feels, 'cause we know that something's gonna be up

between Brendon and Ryan later on. Sort of is foreshadowing, I guess.

I think that the bit where they decide if Brendon'll be in the band is sort of a signal that

everyone is sort of just accepting him. Even though Ryan is understandably attached to Trevor

still, it's sort of like something in him is already moving on and going forwards by accepting

Brendon.

Sort of want to just cuddle Brendon right now, not gonna lie. I like how you keep that

awkward-but-likeable appearance to him due to his lack of friends, and I can assume that

he's going to warm up slowly to the rest of the band and his personality might change a bit

and ditch some of the awkwardness. The pot smoking sort of fits with Brendon, for a way of

coping, and I love how he just sort of speaks his mind to Ryan for a moment, then gets his

words sort of spit right back at him.

Ryan's, I dunno, directions to Brendon about toning down the "weirdness" is just entirely

flailworthy. It works and I just don't think I can praise you any more for how well you write

and round out these characters; we're seeing a bit of Brendon here, as we are of Spencer and

sort of with Ryan. Also, Ryan's flat out dislike of pot makes me curious as to if he's had an

issue with it in the past or if he's simply just against it/doesn't like it.

I was so right about Brendon being accepted into the band. I like that Pete's brought in,

presumably adding in that Brendon's been introduced to more people and shaved off a touch

of the awkwardness. From there, his singing is sort of just expected, I guess, I don't know. In

the back of someone's mind, the reader expects something to happen within the band's

dynamics, but we don't actually much think about it until we read it and see, oh, it happened

:D (face included.)

The addition of what sort of songs they play is... I dunno. I like to know that sort of things, and

it makes them seem more like a band that really is just starting out. It works.

XD at everyone staring at Brendon. Awkward for the win. How nervous he just instantly

becomes and how his mind just flies to the absolute worst case scenario and from there how

he fears for his life is just so hjkgdjfskg. Sorry, there's not a word for what your writing is

making me think right now, Dru.

The more awkward Brencon becomes as he feels things are getting worse and then how it jsut

jumps to Spencer and from there Ryan, it's like they're reassuring him without saying "AWWW

BRENDON IS OKAY WE STILL WANT YOU HERE." And now, I think I've found my favorite section of

a fanfiction ever, just ever:

Ryan turned, caramel eyes unnerving and yet still soft, somehow. “I wasn’t being sarcastic.”

And, secretly, Brendon thought that it was necessary to say because Ryan’s speaking voice was

so ironic in itself that it was nearly impossible to tell. “Why didn’t you tell us you could

sing?”

Just the words that are used are stunning, perfect, and asdfsdfsdk. I love the comparisons

from Ryan to Blink, as was mentioned earlier in the passage, and I love how nervous Brendon

gets about singing the words Ryan writes. The smile from Ryan really does seem just so

special and cute and you know it's a bit deal. The vibes from Brent and Spencer sort of do

cement them as secondary characters, though I sort of feel like you're going to pull a Charles

Dickens on us and tie every single person we meet into here into the story and create unseen

subplots that we recognize but don't really acknowledge. It'll work with this story, though, for

sure. It'd work fine.

Aww, Ryan and Brendon alone? That Ryan is sort of nervous and awkward and sort of seeming

to be Brendon's character for a moment and yet all his own is so nice. Something about that

just words too well. But then Brendon pulls through with his normal awkwardness and

everything is normal again, y'know? And then, from there, how Brendon sort of shows that he's

naturally sort of nervous about having someone come over and then sort of casually mention

to Ryan that the church group is coming over is nice.

Brendon's way of getting his mind off a topic is brilliant. Incredibly good manners for a kid

such as Brendon is just so fitting for him it makes me flail under my blanket, really! I

remember being told once that it was either Ryan or Brendon who had a very religious family

and that was sort of their reason for not liking religion as much, and now I'm sort of leaning

more towards Brendon. Still can't remember exactly which one it was, though.

I like how casually his parents just sort of deal with the fact that Ryan's gay, isn't even

concerned, and the addition of the fact that the Urie kids aren't able to use the phone after a

certain time is just working for making them seem like an All-American family, y'know?

I honestly don't know what seminary is, but it sort of makes me feel like that's what the Jesus

Camp kids went to. Something that pushes God-fearing into children/teens/people in general

and I guess that's a good thing for some people. That's sort of what's just I'm assuming from

your description of how nervous Brendon suddenly became.

Brilliant description with the fast mention of the birthday; it's interesting and it works with

comparing how a functional and dysfunctional family sort of work. I dunno.

Their talking after they eat is just so calm and simple, about something that I can imagine any pair of kids talking about. And I just love how Brendon is accused by Ryan and then tries to make things better, it's so jusghdsfkjgdfg. From there, comparing Ryan to a swan fits the boy, and then how Ryan sort of wants to clear the pink elephant again is nice.

Ryan really isn't as transparent as Saran wrap quite yet; I think if this was happening irl and that I was, I dunno, creeping in the back of one of the character's minds, then perhaps I'd perceive Ryan differently. But, as of now, I still see Ryan as fairly complex/secretive/broodinggenius and Brendon as a flaily/funny/smartyface.

This is so wonderful; following this will absolutely HAVE to be a must now. Fantastic job, and I'm sorry for taking an hour on this

This is wonderful, and I think you did a really good job portraying the characters. I was so excited when I saw that there would be more than one chapter. I love the fact that they are just starting their band in this story, rather than starting from when they were already together.

And I like the new characters. Are they real people? Brent & Trevor? I feel so sorry for Ryan, being that he really liked Trevor and he moved. It makes me really want to know what will happen between Ryan and Brendon. It would be so hard for him to find somebody like Trevor again.

And I thought it was wonderful how Ryan just suddenly told Brendon that he would be the new singer. It was so sudden and such a surprise. But, at the same time, it wasn't such a surprise. This story is so realistic and brings so many questions at the same time. I really want to know what is going to happen in the next chapter.

This story is so different from your other stories, Dru, but I love it! Can't wait for another update, and I will definitely leave a longer comment next time.

“Oh, go fuck your guitar case, Urie.” Clever comeback, Ryan. ;)

I'm starting to feel pretty guilty about having read so many of your stories and never commented on a single one, so here goes:

I just want to say that I love, love, love the way you write Brendon's parents. I think so many people just think "Oh, they're Mormon, they're super strict and won't put up with anything." It's really refreshing to read about them being totally cool with someone being gay. Plus, people kind of suck at writing parents as anything other than devils. It's nice to read about parents that are just... people.

And that's what I love about your writing. It isn't super flowery or elegant, but the characters are so, so, real. Reading this, it's really easy to think that yeah, this was totally how everything happened. A lot of times when I read fanfic, I think that the characters just don't come out right. It feels like reading a story about a bunch of people who happen to have the same names as famous people. But with your writing, the characters are those people, one hundred percent.

Plus those last couple of lines really made me laugh. Oh, boys.

Basically, you're an amazing and talented writer and you should continue to be an amazing and talented writer.

I love it, but then again I don't think you could write something that I didn't love :P I'm excited to see a longer work from you :D

Ryan was the most difficult person on the face of the planet, he was certain and-even though he would never admit it-about as fragile as an origami swan.
I like how you specifically chose a swan, not just a bird or anything. I think swan is the perfect choice.

Can't wait for more! :)

this is my nano story.
9 chapters.
just over 50k.

comments are love!

xoxox
-dru