Waiting - Comments

Wow! I actually really liked this... Though it was a bit creepy :)

Near when she starts saying how they'll live together and won't worry about a thing I started getting slightly suspicious, but I didn't actually expect that ending at all.

It was VERY well-written and I only noticed after I looked over it that there was absolutely no dialogue, but you got a good feel for both characters through her thoughts, though her impression of him is probably not that trustworthy. I actually really loved the end because I think this is one of the very few times I couldn't predict it. Though we don't learn much about the narrator I actually kind of liked her. However, I think I'd be a bit freaked out if I was in the mailman's place, having someone watch me put mail in their mailbox from the window EVERY day.

Anyways, it was really good and I'm really happy that I stumbled upon this story, becuase it was amazing. :)

D:
I'm speechless, it was amazing. I couldn't see any mistakes and yeah... wow..

I know I promised a detailed comment but I can't, I'm blown away :3

After reading, I couldn't decide if this was a sweet story of true love or a creepy story of a delusional (or simply one-sided) crush.

If everything the narrator believes to be true, it's very sweet (though still kind of creepy). That she knows this person so well without actually knowing him, I guess, is a sign of 'true love' and 'destiny' and just knowing that someone is meant for you from that first moment. I love that the narrator is so in tune with this guy even though they've never actually interacted, that she learned so much about him from just observation and assumptions.

But, what I think might be more likely, is that she's concocted this whole 'relationship' between the two of them, which can easily happen with someone you see everyday but don't actually interact with. I think that's a very realistic thing, that when someone becomes a part of our lives in that way - as simple as just seeing someone every day - our minds kind of create a reason why that is so. We make up stories about their lives and what they think of us and, of course, if you develop a crush, you think of what it would be like if you were together. If that's the case, then I really really enjoyed this piece because it's incredibly realistic.

At the end of the story, I wondered a few things, like how old the narrator was and what she did with her life (what was her career) - because I think both of those things would effect the outcome of the story. I thought, if she's home everyday in time to meet the mailman, maybe she's someone who works from home. Maybe she's a writer. And if she's a writer, I can definitely see her creating this relationship and their feelings in her head.

I also wondered what happened next, like if he really did feel the same as she did and if he made that known, or if they continued on like before, never talking or meeting. I liked that this was open-ended and we don't really know what happens next, it gives the reader a chance to decided for themselves and maybe make up a story of their own.

Though I'm not a fan of present tense usually, I did think this was well written. I liked the narrative voice and the hint of melodrama she brought to the piece. I thought that worked really well for the story. I thought your descriptions were really good as well. I liked that you didn't focus on physical descriptions of the two characters and instead kept the piece inside of the narrator's head.

This is precious. I really do love it.

Add more?

Oh wow, this was quite a lovely and surprised reading! I had no clue what it was when I clicked the title, but I’m glad I did. I read the summary and thought it was very intriguing and I did quite like the small banner in the background.

I just thought the whole thing was extremely cute and sweet. I must admit that this is my first story ever reading about a mailman, but I enjoyed it because you gave it such a sweet touch. I thought that it was so cute that the narrator always ordered stuff just to see the mailman come everyday. Some people might think that’s weird, but I think it just shows that the narrator is shy, which I find very endearing and adorable.

I thought that the mailman might would have came in or looked up when he read her letter, but he didn’t, and my heart broke a little for her. But I liked that you didn’t let it get cliché and gave it that little twist.

Overall, I thought this was extremely lovely and well-written! Great job.

jees, i feel so sad for this girl that's pining over the mailman. i love her assumptions for his life like, "he grins and bears his life such as it is." she wouldn't know that, that's what she assumes, and it's strange because i think that all girls do that. they assume characteristics of the strangers they fall in love with.

oh god, when he didn't storm in to her house i felt sorrow. she wanted him to, so badly. though, her determination gives me hope (: nice story!

I wait by the window. This is my favorite time of day. I await his arrival with bated breath; my heart pounds. His car pulls up, and he steps out. I heave a sigh; I love him, and now he's here with me.

This first paragraph seems a little repetitive and dull with the use of “I” and the sentence structures. The first paragraph, if not sentence, should be what pulls in the reader wanting more. Sometime it’s nice to be simple, but the trimmings and frills are what change the story. To me, these sentences were hollow and could have more life to them, but that’s personal opinion.

But, to the story as a whole, it’s quite attractive. The usage of stream of consciousness was done well, with all the exclaims of excitement or such, and the anti-climatic ending made it even the better, probably because you don't see them as much, well at least in that way. It was more interesting to see that than having the narrator chicken out on giving him the note, because I thought that was going to happen. A sigh of relief when that wasn’t the case.

I also have to agree with Kurtni about the layout. The black is rather hard to see, a lighter color would make more sense. Anyway, good job, I was quite surprised in the best way possible. :)

Wow, very interesting story. I loved how the tone changed as it went on. In the first chunk I imagined this story would be just another very stereotypical romance, then it seemed as if maybe she'd have to work for the love, then it seemed her feelings were just a crush and nothing would come of them and then I got that she was perhaps a bit crazy, and that last line really drove that point home (since to me, her "knowing" that he'd come back was unrealistic and in her head).

Wow! I love this a lot! The beginning paragraph is exquisite, and instantly grabbed my attention! And I love the flow of the whole thing. I wish I was half as talented as you!
But I must know, WHAT IS HIS DEAL? IS HE COMING BACK? Is he married? Creeped out?
XD

I love the mystery of this piece! The ending is brilliant and so unique to the story, it's such a twist.
Great job!

Oh, I knew that this sounded familiar! Anyways, since I haven't read this in a while, I'll have to re-read it. Honestly, I still didn't expect the ending - waiting for a mailman? I've never read such a unique one-shot in my three years on Mibba. I totally thought she was waiting for her boyfriend or someone that she dearly loved and missed, but a mailman? Very interesting! I really enjoyed reading this again, haha (:
Lovely job! <3

Wow. Just wow. I seriosuly didn't expect that. I honestly thought that he would've been a boyfriend that she was waiting for or some friend that she liked, but I honestly didn't think that it would've been the mailman! I felt so sorry for her as she seems like someone who's desperately craving for love, but might not find it, or is craving an unhealthy love. I thouroughly rnjoyed this piece and I really really want to know more about the mailman. Is he married, single, whatever!

It's interesting because I'm not quite sure how to interpret the character. On the one hand, she seems a rather sympathetic character because it's not certain whether he feels love for her, but on the other hand she could be interpreted as creepy because she never considers that he might not be interested and theirs doesn't seem a particular involved relationship. I get the sense that their interactions don't go beyond pleasantries - the kind of interaction that you'd just share with anyone you meet throughout the day.

I would have liked to have seen some dialogue between them - maybe one of those days where she orders a package so she can talk to him. But at the same time I like the ambiguity and, like I said before, I think the ambiguity gives her the potential to be sad or creepy. I do wonder how my interpretation of the story would have changed if the roles had been reversed - the female mail person with the male admirer (at least, I think this character is female?)

Anyway, I'm getting off track here. I liked the ending line. I do get the impression that he doesn't share the feelings, but it's a good place to leave the story.

This was really interesting; I don't think I've ever read a story where the love interest was the mail man! That was definitely a unique touch. Though I usually don't like stories in present tense, I thought it worked well for this because the reader felt as if they were in the moment and riding that emotional rollercoaster with the narrator.

Like the commenters above me, I also loved the open ending =D I also really enjoyed the last line and her assurance in his return. I also love that throughout this oneshot, the thought never comes to her mind that he might not be interested in her, and I love that confidence.

This was a really great read! Nice job!

I like the narrative style of listing off someone's thoughts. I like the way it ended too, almost with a little hint of desperation. I'm crazy curious about what her note said though, I must say. I think by leaving that detail out you make your reader contemplate and analyze the character, to imagine what she would say.

I like your banner, but I think the text would look better in white? The black is hard to read and looks odd with the other colors.

Oh, I just want to give her a hug.

He could have at least looked at her, maybe give a small (sad or happy) smile...

I love how you didn't give them names. Sometimes it seems by naming something it brings that thing closer to us, like we feel more about it, but not this time. It's almost like I put myuself in her position, like I was the one waiting for him to come to me.

This is a beautiful oneshot because it had the possibility to be more. It reseambles life perfectly, as if you took a section from her life and immortalized it by writing (or typing, lol) it.

I loved it <3

This was absolutely incredible. It was beautifully written, it flows amazingly, and I really enjoyed it. I like how you lead us up the moment - then boom, you put in that cliffhanger that leaves us all gasping for breath. Like the rest of the commentors, I'm freaking out as well! I keep wondering what's going to happen - will he be back?! Does he like her? Is he married?! WHAT'S HAPPENING?! Eek x] This made me smile, no lie. It was so cute :] <3

Like turducken, I'm like, freaking out. What's going to happen?? SHe's given him a chance at changing her everything and then what is he going to do?? Does he like her? Is he married? Aurg!!

I love your writing, it flows very well. Thank you for the read!

whoa, this story was not what I expected at all! I read the first paragraph and the summary and I expect he is a friend or boyfriend and is going to walk up to her door but then I read the second paragraph and pow! its the mailman and he just leaving the mail in the mail box. T'was an incredible short story.

I... I don't know what to think. IS HE COMING BACK? DOES HE HAVE A WIFE? A GIRLFRIEND?
I sure hope he does. It's sort of heartbreaking, y'know? I picture her as one of those people with those phobia's of going outside. And since she's putting so much trust into someone to save her, into someone she doesn't even know, well.... damn this being a oneshot. x]
I like how you don't over-do, you can tell that you've got a nice vocabulary but sometimes less is more, and it's nicer to read. In all it was sort of that simple sort of cute love. It makes you smile in that way where everything's so lighthearted and just so plain adorable.
So cute, really.
:D