Beautiful - Comments

This is just lovely. It really is.

As many others have said, your description is wonderful. I love that way you put little twists on some of those old clichéd phrases, such as "one could say a bomb could go off and she wouldn’t hear it." You take the perspective of a normal person who seems to be looking over Caramel at that line, and, as a reader, I found it very personal, like we were watching her directly, and like the sight we were seeing was something poised and precious in the moments you show us.

I also adore your choice of vocabulary. In particular, your use of verbs was really interesting; some of the words you use were completely original and inventive, but worked so well in context and was beautiful to read. One of my favourite examples of this was "she took little breaths as her hands whispered themselves across the board." Just the word "whispered" adds a sense of delicacy and fragility to Caramel, and it's such a lovely thing to imagine, how graceful her playing must be and therefore how lovely it must sound. Another example I liked was "her heart sputtered against the heavy treatment." The onomatapoeia of "sputtered" is lovely, and so easy to imagine.

It really is a wonderful story.

I love the description, the way the notes flood into her mind. I could almost feel her focus, it was amazing.

She must’ve got up early , Ron thought.
That should be "gotten" instead of "got." I like this because it shows how routine this day has become for the both of them. She was expected to be at the piano every Sunday.

Ron caught her hand and bought it to his cheek, “I like to watch you play. It’s beautiful.”
Bought or brought? I'm thinking the latter. In a way it feels very unfinished. Like there's so much more to their relationship that we can't see. If you were ever to extend this, it would make for a brilliant chaptered story.

Overall, really great job.

Swap:
This was...almost classic, the way it was written, it seemed like it to me.
It was interesting how I couldn't really understand what you were talking about until reading it halfway. The way the scene is described it's like it's black and white, then the dialogue comes along a puts a small streak of color into it.

It was very nice, I didn't find any spelling or grammatical errors, and the flow was good.
(: Nice job.

I love it!!! Especially the piano part and her curly hair and the sweater. and her husband.

i like your intoduction... its very mysterious. what time setting is it? cant wait for you to update.