I really enjoyed this story. Your voice is amazing!
I liked the prologue with the blogs and diary entries. The only quibble I have is that there were probably two or three too many. I just wanted to be on with the story already!
I would normally quibble over the details about the MC cooking dinner, but it was written in such a way that it didn't get boring or bogged down in the details, and it added momentum for the dramatic finale at the end of the chapter.
A couple of spelling errors, and some improvements in punctuation and grammar are needed.
With such an active voice it can be hard to identify words that make it more passive, but have a look and see if there are one or two that can be cut. things like needless "he said" and "she said"'s, two adjectives tacked together, words like "though", on the end of the sentence - stuff like that.
I also don't know how she could pull out a full suitcase "with ease"?
I really enjoyed this story. Your voice is amazing!
I liked the prologue with the blogs and diary entries. The only quibble I have is that there were probably two or three too many. I just wanted to be on with the story already!
I would normally quibble over the details about the MC cooking dinner, but it was written in such a way that it didn't get boring or bogged down in the details, and it added momentum for the dramatic finale at the end of the chapter.
A couple of spelling errors, and some improvements in punctuation and grammar are needed.
With such an active voice it can be hard to identify words that make it more passive, but have a look and see if there are one or two that can be cut. things like needless "he said" and "she said"'s, two adjectives tacked together, words like "though", on the end of the sentence - stuff like that.
I also don't know how she could pull out a full suitcase "with ease"?
Thanks for such an enjoyable read!