Little hope - Comments

I liked it. I knew at some point someone would find out and spread it around.

Nice updates the story is coming along really nicely. I can't wait to see what will happen at the birth and after. so glad her friend was accepting it sounds like she needed some comfort after the constant pressure from her mother. Update soon!

Love it. It was worth the wait.

i love your story :) and dont worry exams are killer i know im about to start mine and havent updated my stories because of it xD

I love this story, continue please x3

With the layout, there's something about it that throws me off. Most likely, it's the dashing on the outside, but the colors are nice. You need to properly capitalize your title, by the way.

The summary doesn't give you really much information about the story- perhaps this is the song you've based it off of? Is this the theme song? I know that it must play some importance to the story, and I'm guessing that's who wrote the song, but it just looks a bit awkward to me with the length.

Chapter One

The opening line is sort of weak. The conjunction is awkward followed by the adjective - it'd read better if it read as "...but right then,..." or something of that sort. I feel that her using innocuous to describe the offending device is a bit too... I dunno- it doesn't flow. From there, redescribing it as a "bringer of a bad news" is a little awkward as well.

Her narration, I think, reads just as the narrator speaks in A Christmas Story. I think that's what is setting me off, but now that I think of it in that way, it seems to flow a bit better. Calling her hair honeybomb, also, makes me imagine the 40's hairstyle which really doesn't seem to fit with the story. I think the franticness through the story on how she's acting, however, works wonderfully.

The flash back was well done, though I think that if it had been put in italics it would've been something like... an alert to the reader that it was about to change into something diffferent. How she is entirely out of place is true to how a teenager would act, I believe, but you may want to glance at your story and ensure that it's paragraphs are spaced properly. I spotted a couple in the first chapter alone.

The rape is sort of awkward. How doesn't she know that she consented, but was drunk?

Chapter Two

Once again, making a note that it's a flashback would be useful. Anyways, the day after remorse; understandable. What I don't get is why didn't she go to the pharmacy and get the morning after pill? I know for sure that if I thought I'd been raped, I'd go get a morning after pill just to be safe. That seems to be a running theme amongst things that revolve around rape, that they don't even bother to go and try to do a slight remedy that, though it may not be entirely effective, it's still something that can help protect.

I feel that the story talking about the morning after the party is well described, I don't really have any qualms with it. There's nothing I can really see in this chapter that doesn't flow well, or anything that doesn't really fit the self-hate theme that works. The paragraphs seem a little long though, so you might want to find some spaces that it works to be separated and make the paragraphs a bit shorter - it's sort of like facing a wall of words and is very intimidating.

Chapter Three

It would be longer then weeks for the the bump to show - I beileve it's around the four month/five month mark? Just a factual thing, yanno.

I like how Isabel sort of takes a while to decide what to do - it makes sense. Her mini!rant on the abortion sort of seemed to be a way to shove her views on the reader, though in reality that's one of the most common thoughts a lot of users on here think. It'd almost have been nice to see her get the abortion, but I understand that it'd like, end the story there.

I like how her mom is accepting at first, but then sort of goes against it. It makes sense, 'cause that's sort of how a friend's mum would act, but personally my mum would just be like, "... why didn't you get the pill?" Me and her have both spoken about sex and such, so we both know that I know what to do if something of that sort happened. I guess that Isabel never really talked about it with her mum?

Anywho, I find the story to be quire well written. I don't have many qualms about how you've written it or how things are playing out, other then some very slight cliches, I've not got time to review all seven chapters, but I'll get around to it soon because this is able to hold my attention for a while

Nice work :3

I've reviewed your story although I didn't put it on the thread. I just really like reviewing stories because I get to give my input on it. But I've left it open for someone else to review it also because I've already had my same story reviewed twice and I don't want to seem like a story review hog or something like that.

To start, I like the design of your layout but there's a little thing that throws me off. The colors don't fit too well. The background has more pastel like colors that are in the yellow, green and blue family while the picture behind the title is more vibrant with blues and purples. I'm a good art student and I study and learn these things, so, just helping you out there a little bit. This link can help you choose the exact color that you desire.

But I do like the poem; it gives me an idea of what the genre is probably about.

Blue was my favourite colour, but now, it was the one I wanted least to see. Hands shaking, my worst fears were confirmed. I flung the innocuous object, the bringer of bad news, against the wall and slumped onto the cold ceramic toilet seat.

I like how you wrote that. It's like a good way of saying something that you don't want to say just yet.

The next day, I took the pregnancy test again. Positive. The taunting blue line mocked me and my utter stupidity. Repeatedly I ran my fingers through her honeycomb hair,

Right here I think you have your persons mixed up. In the beginning you were writing in first person then you said "repeatedly I ran my fingers through her honeycomb hair," I think it should be "through my honeycomb hair". Just be careful of that because it could outcome to a confusing read.

The next day, I took the pregnancy test again. Positive. The taunting blue line mocked me and my utter stupidity. Repeatedly I ran my fingers through her honeycomb hair, in a state of absolute hopelessness. ‘I’m pregnant.’ I whispered to myself, as if to taste how the words sounded.

When starting dialogue, you always start a new paragraph. Also, you’re supposed to use quotation marks with all dialogue unless the character of the story is telling a story of something or someone from the past.

Now, you have the story in past tense, so I’m assuming that it’s in past tense, but it wasn’t made clear that you’re telling a story from the past in the beginning so you still have to use regular quotation marks and not apostrophe.

[…]my dream was to go to university[…] I believe it’s to ‘a university’

Well, I just did one chapter for now. I’ll probably do one a day (depending on the day). One suggestion I’d like to make is that when doing chaptered stories, you don’t want to go through the story too quickly to lose the reader and possibly confuse them. I think you jumped from her seeing her friend to being raped a little too quickly and I’d like to see a little more detail. A little more detail would be nice to set up a better image in the readers head but don’t give too much away. That’s all. Other than that it was pretty good.

yay keep going

OH MA GOSH DONT YOU EVER STOP WRITING THIS STORY

i amm
soooo ready for the next chapter :))

Nice updates (: I really like this story. You are a really talented writer, there is such realism in your story its really believe. teen pregnancy is such a big topic, yet you tackle it really well. I completely agree with every decision and everything Isabel says. When you wrote: "Abortion felt like selfishness, keeping the baby felt like stupidity, and I couldn’t decide which was worse." - I think that really put the dilemma into perspective and I'm really glad she decided to be 'stupid' instead of selfish. her mother was really smart to act nice and gentle with her and ease her into the idea of abortion like that, Isabel must be a really strong character to stand her ground. Update soon! x

I love it. That last chapter was so intense but so real. It didn't sound fake because I started to get angry too.

awww good job she is angry

lol even i
began to get angry
as the argument grew :P
good writing skills

wow this is really good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! subscribing!

please read my stories :)

I enjoy this. I don't think you had too much dialogue in your last chapter.

I really like this so far! Keep up the good work. :D

this is a really good story so far

i loves it! keep going

Aha the onl advice I can give you is please dont stop writing :) it's an awesome story and I love every part of it :) except when her mom says they have to get rid of the kid that's just not nice..
Keep up the good work! *subscribes*

Umm I was wondering that maybe if u have the time or something u could read my story, it's called Love after Life