Buried Memories - Comments

Thanks, guys. Although I've published in the past this is very amateurish and first draft. I will keep writing it though- I've just been off for a long while with my first kid.

This is a brilliant story. Utterly fantastic.

Um...Wow.
I can't think of anything even somewhat intellectual to say, at all.
You have brilliant writing, best I've read on this site.

I just read all three chapters, and y'know...I really liked it! At the start, reading it reminded me of starting to read a published novel...I was wondering what it was about or what was gonna happen, I'm still thinking it after reading the third chapter. Actually, it kinda reminded me of the book deadly una [I think that's how it's spelled.] Anyways, I really loved how you described the town when Tom just got there:

On the main road, more streetlights cast their long shadows over our heads, the occasional one out in neglect of repair. We turned into the only intersection in town, passing broken neon signs, dim windows and a single fish-and-chip shop with the drunken refuse of the local pub skulking untidily outside.

The description instantly gave me that image, it felt just like driving down the main road from my hometown. Another paragraph I loved was one of the very first paragraphs:

I had become a zombie; just another heartless player in the rat race. I went to work each day for cash- simple money to tide me over while I waited for my agent to push through another novel deal… a proposition for a book I could not write. I couldn't sleep at all by then, and I couldn’t even remember the last thought or daydream I had had beyond my office. I was a dried-up husk, a shadow functioning in a two-dimensional world.

That description was perfect [I love love zombies, btw.] You can just feel how down Tom is and how blank his life is. I also loved the bit how Natalie comes in and she rests her head on his shoulder and he got shivers, very sweet. :D

Now the third chapter, I admire how you gave a bigger problem just at the start of the story, shows that there might be more drama, drama is good. The Dad character and the way you written his dialog is perfect for the typical Aussie Father.

All in all you write pretty damn well. Your descriptions and writing style is basically perfected. I want to see how you develop this plot and Tom's character. :D Great job.

this is so good.
cant wait to read what happens next. :]

Yes! Chapter three. And I'm dying to know what'll happen next.

This is brilliant.
I love your writing style.
I'm surprised no one has commented yet.
Subscribing.