Featherless Bird - Comments

I'm loving the layout and banner. Honestly. I might need to read the story to see if it suits it, but meh... it's still lovely to look at.

Its' a kidnap story? Cool. I like how light and nice you made the prologue like, then included the darkness into the rest of the chapters. And there's no sex - a usual occurence for captive stories. So kudos for that.

This was a great read sweets, :)

You have created a beautiful layout for your story. I love how the colors work together with the art. I didn't find any mis-spellings and you are a very talented writer if I do say so myself. You have a talent that you should keep working at- I'm sure it will pay off in the end. Keep up the good work!!!!
xoxox
Samantha

Interesting, waiting for the next.

I really like your story! At first, it was a little hard to continue to be honest, but now im like loving it, and i agree. The relationship is a little weird, but at least he's being nice.

I adore the layout, first of all. Next, I just wanted to point out that I love the symbolism between the title and the way she's a bird who can't fly. At least I think so. :) Moving on, I felt like the prologue was an excellent portrayal of emotions. I like the narrative and how your progress the plot slowly, but just fast enough so that I don't lose interest. The dialogue is realistic. The grammar is also excellent, except for one recurring theme I keep seeing.

"“Coming right up. You’re invited to take a seat; there aren’t any costumers right now so I’ll go bring it to you.” He said with a smile."

First of all, instead of a period after dialogue and before specifying who's speaking and what tone they're using, etc., you use a comma. You know, before the closing quote. Another thing is that you don't capitalize "he" or "she" after a bit of dialogue. It should look like this instead:

"“Coming right up. You’re invited to take a seat; there aren’t any costumers right now so I’ll go bring it to you,” he said with a smile."

Other than that, I really enjoyed this. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

The layout was gorgeous <33 I especially adored the banner :)
The details were exquisite and the title drew me in :)
I agree with le soleil this was totally not what I expected xD
though I have no idea what to expect with the mysterious title(which is what made me want more :)
I'm in love with this story and I can't wait for more! So update soon missy :)
Great job :) You're an amazing writer <33

She is not crazy for crying! Crying is ok in a situation like this! I love your detail, it's flawless with amazing and subtle vocabulary.

i enjoyed second chapter of this story and I can't wait to learn more. I think I should just sit here and read the rest of what you have up :)

You are an amazing writer. GOOD JOB! :) haha.

The first thing I thought when I saw your story's summary page was THAT'S A MUSE QUOTE!. I probably even thought in all caps. I'm a huge Muse fan, which gives you points right off the bat. You have good grammar, but you might want to watch comma usage. Every once in a while, you'll have an unnecessary one. I enjoyed reading this, though, and I want to know what happens. Normally, you can just tell, but with this? Nope.

Simply amazing.

Seriously, I was hooked by just the banner, it's incredibly beautiful by the way[:
The detail in this was undescribably beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
You have such an awesome way with words,I don;t know how to describe it, it's almost perfect.If not, just perfect. Everything about it. Everything judt flowed together so well, I loved the summary, the layout, the everything. Your a truly amazing writer[:

Aye! I totally remember reading this! I'm not sure why I stopped, though, that was definitely a mistake.

In the prologue, this is just an iffy thing, do you mean fateful instead of faithful? I mean, the other means having a real significance while the other means hopeful. They both sound similar, so that's why I'm wondering. I do like how you describe her feelings, though, mostly because it can be so relatable, how one thing can bring so many emotions. It's definitely something that intrigues me though.

Everything I mentioned in my first comment still stands, though. And why is it that now that she's out of the room, she doesn't make a break for it? I mean, she's out of the room, I would think since she tried so hard before to get out that she'd at least try to run somewhere. And how she snaps back at him. I mean, I get that she probably felt angry inside, but her life is sort of dangling between his fingers.

In all, I just don't really like her reactions. Again, she's kidnapped, against her will, and yet only a couple days after she's laughing. She doesn't even try to escape. And I'd understand if she were in some cell or something, but she's in a house. With doors. Leading to the outside world. I don't find it realistic how nonchalent she is when she can be killed at any moment. It's not like she really knows his reasons for keeping her, which means that she doesn't know if he even wants to keep her alive for long. That's my only real issue with the story. I mean, she's acting as if she's only having a sleepover, and this guy could kill her. And I mean, when it comes to either running in a snow storm or death, I'd choose snow storm every time. You also mentions he goes to work... she doesn't try to run away then? It's not like she's tied up.

I do like Wade's character, though, how he almost seems to be convincing himself that he's doing her a favour, that he's doing her good. It adds depth, because he isn't some insane heartless crazy guy. Obviously he has some serious problems, but it adds this sort of human aspect to him on how he believes the things he does, it shows sort of why he's doing it, because he thinks he's doing some good. The gifts too, he's trying to make her like him, because he wants her to be comfortable. It's almost like he doesn't know the full extent of what he's doing, but then yet again he does when his darker side shows.

It makes me almost believe that his motives for kidnapping is just because he's lonely, and he wants a someone to be with. I do think that's incredibly realistic and I do like that aspect of the story a lot.

I like the last chapter, in the beginning, mostly because that's how I would think most of the story would go. It's what would happen in a kidnapping case, and I really like that part because it shows the awful side of what happens when these things do happen. It's heartbreaking, but it's true.

I think this story does have a lot of potential, and it's a really original thing to write about because I don't see many kidnapping stories. I think you could really make a wonderful story out of it, but I do think that you should always remember to address it realistically.
:)

Before I get into commenting on the story, I love the layout and the banner is gorgeous :D I like how the background of the layout looks stained in a way, it's quite pretty(:

Prologue:

The first thing that caught my eye, before reading, was the three birds bext to "Prologue". They're really cool :D Anyway, the prologue really pulled me into the story. I'm quite curious to find out who this man was and what it was he'd done to her to make her act up in such a way. Ahhh this is very interesting :D I find myself really liking this girl x)

Chapter 1:

Is it odd that I don't find Carolyn to appear homeless? XD Sounds totally like something I'd wear haha! Also, I can feel some empathy for Carolyn when Albert asked her out. Not exactly something you want to wake up hearing, I find. And oh crap!!! That guy drugged her DDDD: Oh god! This was well written and kept my attention, right up to her fainting. Lovely(:

Chapter 2:

Ahh I'm curious about Wade's reasoning for kidnapping her D: And I feel so bad!! She's blaming herself for this mess! :(( I'm really enjoying reading this and I'm quite curious to see where you take this! It's really good :D I don't think I dislike Wade...yet. aha!

Chapter 3:

She realized that shehad no idea what day it was. - I think you meant to have "had" in there(:
Awwww that was so mean! I can't believe he threw her against a wall! >.< I was actually beginning to like him a bit too! But he's a bit creepy, knowing all that about her and stuff >.> There were a couple more little mess-ups in spelling/grammar, but it's otherwise all good :D

Chapter 4:

And now, I like him again XD I can't believe he got her a violin!! <3 That was nice of him, especially since she seems to really like playing it. I like how you took a bit of a cliche and turned it into something that is much more original then many that I've seen with guys kidnapping others. This is really good :D

Chapter 5:

It started off really good and happy and..... then everything went down from there TT~TT Why does Wade have to have such a short fuse?!? Jeez! She was fricken DEFENDING him and he gets all pissed and slap and punch her! JEEZ!
When a story makes me this pissed, you know it's good :D LOL

Chapter 6:

Wane and Carolyn definitely don't have a stable relationship, so I can agree that in a sense they're both a bit less than "sane". I wouldn't say insane, though they definitely aren't sane. I still have so many unanswered questions and I'm just loving this. So, I'm definitely subscribing and will be impatiently waiting for an update! :)

Lovely story. No joke, I love this(:

:O Wow, you're a beautiful writer! I've only read the first couple chapters so far but it's amazing. I like the kidnapping twist, it's an interesting play on normality. :) Keep up the marvelous work.

Well, first of all I love the descriptiveness. There's an equal balance of description, emotions and dialogue, which I love in a good story. Second of all, the layout is lovely, and so is the banner! You also definitely have a very interesting plotline here, that I can see will develop magnificently. I'd love to continue reading this (:

First of all, I love this sentence: Night had surprised London and settled himself in before anyone was ready. It's so different, in a good way. I like the way you worded it.
I think that some of what you wrote could have better grammar, but you did an amazing job anyways. The only thing I don't really like is the relationship. It just seems a bit too normal. A kidnapper is usually more crazy, and the kidnapped person is usually not as calm. But I don't mean all this in a bad way! Don't be discouraged. I love your story so much. And your layout is amazing.

Don't give up on this, you've got something here.

I feel like an awful Mibbian let alone friend for not having read this before now. It seems so lovely. I mean, gorgeous layout, stunning banner, and it's by you! Gosh, I feel so ashamed. D: I hope you can find it in your big heart to forgive me. <333

Gigglys, now time to read the amazingness, kay?(: <3

Prologue

Aww, the sparrows at the opening are so cute! c:
Sorry, I got distracted, aha.

Onward! (: <33

she had never been the same since those faithful months.

I'm about halfway through this summary/introduction thingy and I already have a thought about this: was this woman in love with this mystery man? O: It's really the only thing I can think that shakes someone up so much. But I could be wrong. More reading. (: <33

I really, really liked the prolouge. It was like I got a look into this character's heart - into her mind and pains. It gave me this great sense of respect and yet sympathy for this character. I liked how easily I could connect with her and or feel for her. Nice job. (:

Another thing I liked was how you compared the melting snow to her memories fading. It was cute and nice and poetic. <33 :)

Chapter One

In all, she looked homeless, but at that time Carolyn didn’t seem to notice, or care.

I like her already. <33 :)

Also, I've never known someone to actually wear Uggs. They don't sound cute at all. D: Their name sounds awful. It's like, "Hey, bruh, lookit them ugghss." I only make that noise when I'm frustrated or bored. D:

Anyways, time to continue with your wonderfully amazing story. :) Sorry I got distracted about the shoes. xD <33

I feel so badly for Albert. D:
Poor kid. ): <33

Carolyn roller her eyes at her friend

Roller?

Oh crap, cliff hanger and devious stranger. D: </3
I feel this overwheliming sense of urgency (to call an ambulance for her or the police to stop him!) and this sense of alarm (of course) and another of worry/concern. Will she be okay? What's going to happen? I hope she's safe.<33

I really like how you wrote this. <3 It's very proper and at the same time, vulgar with it's realism. I enjoy that. I'll admit some of these things, though obscene (like the middle finger instance), made me giggle. :)

Do I even need to tell you how amazing your detail was? Pssh, prolly not, cause you should know how fabulous you are, but I will anyways. It was smooth and easy to read and I loved it. It really sucked me into this enviorment and kept me focused - that's an incredibly hard task to do and you seemed to accomplish it effortessly.

You did an amazing job on this, really, and I feel I should read more. <33 Subbing!(:

This is so wonderful, and so lovely. :) The layout is gorgeous as they came. I find the title intriguing. Anyway, as for the content, your grammar is excellent, and the emotion really shines through. It's beautiful, and it's lovely, and I'm going to follow this story like my love depended on it.

Yours subbing,
Izzy. <3

I always sucked at violin.
Loved the update.

So, I read the prologue and the first chapter.

Overall, I found a few grammar and punctuation mistakes. And I felt that many things in the story were brought up randomly and said in an overly blunt manner.

The end of the first chapter made me interested in finding out what happens to her though.

And, I think it would be good to include a summary of the story.

O.o Wow. The intro chp you did didn't leave me much but wanting more so I read the first chapter. That was a huge cliffhanger o.o I am now scared of abandon coffee shops... I love how You gave a background to everything from her two best friends to her job to the place she likes to get coffee, it did a great job of throughing us off of whats going to be the main plot. I liked that, stories now a days are too predictable and you really caught me off guard. Great job!

So for some reason this prologue totally made me imagine one of those nature scenes where it shows the blooming of a flower at warped speed. I just pictured that as the snow and then the girl just watching it all. So that shows you've got some great imagery. I like this so far, and I think I may have to subscribe. :)