The Life Cycle of a Star - Comments

This is intriguing. I don't think I've ever come across a story so well written after just two chapters. The way you described Beverly in the first chapter was detailed and believable. You certainly do seem to show control over the way you throw in designer names and the history of these socialites; it's impressive.

I would definitely like to see more sometime soon.

Story Review Game

The layout strikes me as a bit too plain for a story about a socialite, and I think the font is a bit small. I had to use the default layout after a while. (Or maybe it's just me and my horrible eyesight.) I do like the banner though--the dead bodies tie in with the slightly scientific tone of the title.

I read the prologue before reading Chapter Two just so I'd have some idea what's going on and I think it's great. It reads like the introduction to one of those VH1 celebrity specials or something, which I find incredibly intriguing.

I love the contrast between how the minister describes Chris and how Beverly remembers him. It's an interesting way to tell the story, with Beverly correcting the ministers' descriptions. It creates this sort of haunting uncertainty about who to believe. The whole scene reminds me of something, a book or a movie maybe, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I like it, though.

After all, the pieces fell together like some horrible game of Clue.
Love this line.

Beverly's presence at the funeral makes me think that she's trying to ease her guilt over something, but at the same time, I feel like it's not that simple. Already you've weaved this web of mystery that leaves readers wanting more.

I like the way you portray the Upper East Siders--how they have to keep up appearances, fake sympathy, and how they're addicted to gossip and can't resist even at such a horrible event as a funeral. It clearly suggests knowledge in that area and I love it when it's obvious that an author knows their stuff.

Of course Brett hadn't told anyone it had been Beverly. Brett was calculated in that way; her rage always quiet and understated.
This makes me think that Beverly needs to watch her back. It hints at a major conflict between the two sometime in the future in a kind of creepy, chilling way.

rett's temper was notorious; everyone knew to stay out of her way when she was angry.
This sounds contradictory to me. Just a few lines before you mentioned that Brett's rage was understated, and now it's notorious? It's kind of confusing. Maybe I'm just nitpicking too much, but it seems odd that people would flee from anger that was previously referred to as quiet.

I almost feel like the scene would have been more powerful if Brett had been completely calm and collected throughout and not just at the end--that would have thrown me off balance more than flat-out anger. But I don't know exactly what kind of tone you're going for, so maybe that wouldn't have worked.

Brett grabbed her arm and steered her towards her, so Beverly was forced to look straight at her.
Something about the way this is worded just strikes me as awkward.

Overall, this is great. You have a clear command of descriptions and dialogue. I think you've done a great job setting up the mystery and inciting investment in the characters. Well done. :)

Why is this so amazing? Ahah, it's sort of like a mix of everything I love. That sort of Gossip-Girl rich girl feel, with all the names (seriously, I think it's really cool that you're so specific with it, shows that you've done a lot of fashion research) to it with that gripping suspense of "WHODUNNIT?" Not to mention it's fantastically written as well. And how the first chapter is sort of told from this secret stranger's point of view. One that knows everything but no one knows them sort of thing- which I'm actually dying because I'm so into this right now. :D

I feel really bad for Brett, though, in the second chapter. Just because her brother just died and she has the haunting suspicion that her best friend committed the crime, I would assume that she felt really alone by this time. And I can really understand her anger, but the fact that she sort of plays sweet after just really shows that she still has some sympathy for her friend.

I don't know how I feel about Beverly yet though, other than that she's definitely gotten the shock of her life to straighten out. It makes me wonder if since it seems like her world is crumbling, did she commit suicide? I feel like I really want her to have been murdered (that sounds horrible, aha :D) and I'm sort of leaning on the fact that she was because I'm sure it would totally be this big motive but then I think it would sort of be this big surprise like OH YEAH SHE DID ACTUALLY KILL HERSELF, YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THIS, YOU WERE THINKING BRETT DID IT.
Or something like that.

Anyways, you've just got yourself a new reader<3

Very nice layout. I read both chapters and I think you're doing very well with setting things up. You start to raise questions right off, but you did it in such a way that a person wants to read on. They aren't just the kind of questions that make you think: this is lame. They are questions of: oh, this is someone's life that is going to hell. How is this happening. It is also very well written and despite myself I found it quite the interesting read.

First off, I love the picture in the layout:3 I always hate writing introductions, I feel like I'm not putting my characters through to the reader enough but you make it seem flawless. Even in the first few sentences I was drawn in. I love the way you write, it's beautiful. Keep updating<3

It is very intriguing. I really love the idea. I'm a sucker for a good mystery. :)
I can't wait to see an update :D
you should DEFINITELY continue this.

Story Review Game

I'll be reviewing as I go along.

I like the simplicity of the layout. The silver and white makes me think of stars and glamor, and the banner looks very nice. I know that Beverly is dead from reading the summary, but I'm curious as to why there's a dead man on the banner as well.

Reading the first few paragraphs, I wasn't expecting Beverly to be a relatively unknown star. Reading the summary, I got the idea that she was very popular. I'm not sure what time period the story takes place in, but so far I've gotten the impression that it's in the early/mid twentieth century, for some reason. This may be due to the black and white or even her name though - Beverly Roberts, to me it sounds like it could be the name of a star from that time.

It has been said that there are three things that make up a modern-day star: talent, fame, and celebrity. And those who scornfully look down upon Beverly Roberts, even in her death, should be careful not to accuse her of lacking any of these qualities. Beverly was talented at spending money, that was certain.
I like how you started off the second paragraph, and how you covered both the positive and negative aspects of Beverly and how the media viewed her. It makes it quite realistic, as many stars seem to have a bit of notoriety about them. You almost sound like a critic or a journalist yourself, which is something unique, I don't see it often. It's executed very well here though, coming off as formal while it still lets your writing style show through.

I love the tones of notoriety and the critic's view that are still present throughout the writing, while at the same time you're telling her story. It's very easy to imagine Beverly growing up and being cared for by nannies, at fashion shows, being featured in ads... I also love your descriptions of Upper East Manhattan. I've barely been to New York City in my life, and the time that I did go? Well, I honestly can't say that I'm sure which section I was in. I've got such a vivid image of what Upper East Side life must have been like, the class and parties.

Brett Winston as just as pretty, just as wealthy, just as clever as Beverly Roberts was.
You've got a bit of a typo there, it just looks like you typing missed the "w" in "was."

I like that I'm already getting an idea about Brett and Beverly's relationship without actually reading any of their interactions yet. It's something that's making me want to read on, see if I'm right on my assumptions about their relationship. The old jealousy and only one of two friends being a star is something classic, but at the same time it doesn't feel overdone.

Of course, no one was more horrified than Brett when Beverly was found dead in her bathtub, a gun hanging limply from her pale manicured fingers and the tepid water crimson with blood.
This part took me by surprise. I knew that it was coming, that Beverly has been murdered or had apparently killed herself - but the change was just so sudden. One moment I'm reading about jealous friends and Beverly's minor rise to stardom, and then all of the sudden she's dead. The bits that veered on being a little graphic added to the shock value as well. The sudden change in tone is quite intriguing.

Not to sound like a broken record, but there's that criticism and tone of the media poking through again, which, as I've already said, I do love. I like the mentions that she had probably done drugs, but at the same time, how it was brushed off rather casually due to many stars doing the same.

Ah, so here's a dead man. Could he be the dead man from the banner? I'm assuming so. Now there's even a bit more notoriety to her life, and added secrecy. This character and her life are intriguing me. We know so little about her from reading the prologue, nothing more than the media would know. But I want to know more about her, her relationships with Brett and Chris, the secrets that she kept.

The final paragraph emphasizes the article feel of this that I've been going on about. Perhaps we will never know what led to Beverly's death. But everyone will agree her death came too soon. I think that this was a lovely style to start the story in. I suspect that you will be going further into the characters' lives in the next few chapters, so I could see the tone working better if it was less formal, as you mentioned it will be in the author's note. I am imtrigued by the prologue, and I think that it's a great start!

I hope this is just an original fiction because quite frankly, I don't know anything about Beverly Roberts.

But besides that, that prologue was excellent. I can't lie, it's really hard for me to find some concrit for it. The layout is no biggy for me because layouts don't really grab my attention unless they're a terrible pain to the eye, but I didn't even notice your layout. It looked like you reviewed your prologue over a thousand times. But it's really well written. Can't think of any concrit, honestly... maybe I'm not the one for the job, I don't know. Good thing you said in your author's note that the rest of the story wouldn't be as formal otherwise that would have been my concrit.

Well done.