Something Left Behind - Comments

Luna, this was beautiful. This was a really, truly beautiful story. I can't coherently explain it now and this comment does you absolutely no justice, but it was perfect. <3

[font=2]this entire piece is written beautifully. your words flow extremely well and I didn't catch a single grammatic error.
I love Dom's character, how he seems upset without letting on that he's upset. you did excellent in capturing all of him, imo. :cute:
But how long had it been now since the last time he had heard the music coming from the piano, as Matthew's long, lean fingers flew over the bright keys? How long, exactly, has it been since he'd had the chance to tell Matthew how beautiful the music was?
this sentence melts my heart a little bit, simply because of how lonely it makes Dom sound.

I wonder what happened to Matthew, too, and like that you left the question unanswered. it sort of feels like he died, but with the way the question, "why didn't he take it with him?" keeps getting repeated (another something I loveddd), I have the feeling he didn't.

this is beautiful and incredible and it all flows incredibly. I love it. <3333

This is such a beautifully written story. I adore the personification of the piano, especially in the first paragraph. I really like the way you use the instrument to map out Dom and Matthew's relationship.
I also love how you don't tell us exactly what happened to Matthew (though I got the impression that he died from the term "ghost") and the exact nature of their relationship (I imagined them as lovers, but they could have been brothers, or best friends), it left more for reader interpretation and let us focus more on the piano and Dom's grief, rather than specifics.

The only piece of slight criticism I have is that I would have liked to see some slightly more sophisticated vocabulary in a few places. But as you said, you wrote it up in one go and I know how hard it is to go back and change something once you have it all written out. But otherwise, I toughly enjoyed it. Brilliant work.

It does leave me wondering more about Matthew and the whole situation.
Curiosity sparker.

It was wonderfully written with a lot of detail =) Which is important though rare.
Thumbs up most definitely.

I think that you've got a brilliantly beautiful opening sentence. It shows what sadness is held within the words and that the selection of words you use paint such a soft, brilliant picture. I love how he seems angry at himself and the piano (though more at the former), and how he speaks of the instrument with so much... it's a mix between anger and love. He just wants it gone, but underneath the words it sort of gives off the vibe that he wants it still.

Dominic seems to be entirely in love with Matthew; I love the repetition of Doesn't belong here because it just reinforces in one's mind that that is Matthew's piano. From there, Dom's remembering of the pieces Matthew would play sort of fits the story - often, flashbacks like these are annoying and seem not to serve too much purpose in the story - and adds to the simple colors you've painted the picture with.

You use a bit of runon sentences - Dom came to recognize the melodies that Matthew played, sometimes humming along softly, and took pleasure in hearing the music as a backdrop to whatever he may have been doing, whether it was anything from cooking to watching the telly. It's a little overwhelming, even though it makes sense and it's pretty, but you might want to run through and say the story aloud and find what sounds weird or makes you fumble your words a little.

The dialogue you've thrown in just made me flail a bit. There's not much of it, but it works in it's own way. Matthew seems so demure in the way he speaks and acts, though his personality just seems to flare to life through Dom's stories of his piano playing, that it sort of fits my idea of the RL Matt.

Dom playing on the piano sort of makes me giggle, 'cause it sounds just like how I am. A friend of mine has a baby grand and her and her sister are both skilled pianists, so when I tinker on it it's a little weird 'cause it feels like they're judging me. They're not, of course, but there's still always that niggling through in the back of your mind, and that's how Dominic seems to be.

I'm curious as to what happened to Matthew- did he die? You keep that little bit of information from us - for all we know, he could've moved halfway around the world and became the Indian Prime Minister - but it's not something too dire. It works for something that was written in one go, as you say in your AN.

Overall, I found this to be soft and moving; it's a man's love for another man, whether it be brotherly or intimate, and his pain of when he knew that a huge part of that person was left with him even though he didn't exactly want it. die to the memories. The usage of repeating words and phrases makes it so... hnng. I think you've taken all the words I can think of for this; as the person above mentioned, this story is brilliant.

I thought this piece was written beautifully. I love how you expanded on the already romantic idea of a piano and turned it into something so much deeper than that and added in all of these different emotions such as the regret Dom felt and his guilt (for lack of a better word) for touching it because it was an object so distinctly Matthew's.

I loved the simplicity of this and how you managed to portray so many different emotions in just one routine moment in time. The lack of words was also amazing, it was like they didn't need the words to know that there was something there.

I also loved your simple uses of repetition. The repetition of the light coming from the Freanch doors and the dust collecting really worked well to both open and close the story.

Anyways, I really loved this piece for so many different reasons, and I just hate when a story is so brilliant that it affects my ability to produce a helpful comment XD

Comment Virginity!

alright, I like the chosen layout, very simple, but fitting. And the summary was cool, it gives you a hint, but I would have guessed what was left. There were a few spelling mistakes. Just like four missed letters basically so nothing you can go back and just tweak. I love the descriptions and the back flashing. It made for a real and touching story though it makes you curious why Matthew left...