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  • theperfectpirate

    theperfectpirate (100)

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    I know you love me. I know you love me soooo much. And if you do not update very very soon, I will be forced to become Olimpia and creep into your room. But, instead of cold bacon, I'll be bringing REVENGE. Which is a dish best served COLD. You know, because most people like their food to be warm, unless it's a sub sandwich, or ice cream. In which case, it should be cold. But, REVENGE is cold. REVENGE for not updating this story. Which, I just so happened to stumble upon when heading over to Fat Girl to scold you for not updating that. Sooo. Now, you will have leftovers of REVENGE for lunch as well because you haven't updated Fat Girl either.

    REVENGE.

    Love,
    me.
    December 31st, 2011 at 11:51am
  • LieToMeHoney

    LieToMeHoney (100)

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    Are you into witchcraft? Cuz you work magic with words;)
    Are you a strong wind? Cuz your story just blew me away.
    Haha that was creepy. Goal achieved!
    Okay but seriously this is awesome. Haha
    September 13th, 2011 at 05:51am
  • SkyLyte

    SkyLyte (100)

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    Awesome job! I love the scene with Jules and Victor - the pompous boy he always is.

    Olimpia is a serious bitch! No offense to you turducken, but I seriously hate her now. I hope Jules never trust anything she says next time. What a stalker.
    July 17th, 2011 at 09:19am
  • not our division

    not our division (100)

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    I have not subscribed to a story on this website in almost a year, (I guess nothing really grabs my attention anymore) but this piece of work you have here is a real gem and I'm very excited to read more!
    July 1st, 2011 at 07:29pm
  • fun ghoul fez.

    fun ghoul fez. (100)

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    You know, just the other day, I was wondering when you were going to update this again! Therefore, when I saw the email, I may have squealed slightly. xD

    I'm sure I've said this before (more than once) but you manage to capture your character's unique personalities so well. I must say that my favorite, at this moment in time at least, is Jules. He's such a delightful, condescending idiot and you write him so believable. I loved this line: God, some people just looked ugly when they cried. That is definitely true but it just sounded so much like him.

    Two paragraphs later, Jules is definitely my favorite. What an amazing smooth talker. That was absolutely wonderful, in a really weird way. He's like a chameleon; he's a multi-faceted character, which is another reason I love this story. These aren't just stock characters; they've got their quirks, their problems and they're so believable.

    even though Victor’s shown know sign of... I believe that should be no. (:

    Another thing I love (yes, yet another) is that your humor doesn't seem forced. When Jules is describing his incredibly wacky dream, it didn't seem forced, it was actually funny. Not to mention that it suited his personality completely. While here, I really love Victor's character and how mysterious he is. Although Jules is still my favorite (for the moment), Victor is definitely near the top as well.

    Oh god Olimpia. I loved the ending of this chapter; it was a major dose of "what the fuck?" Jules should really just call the police but then that would take away from the excitement of the story. xD As always, I loved it and I will now sit here and use my wishful mind powers to make you update again soon. :D
    June 22nd, 2011 at 07:25pm
  • NothinNNomore

    NothinNNomore (100)

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    I do not worship he-who-must-not-be-named. I'm glad you updated
    June 20th, 2011 at 05:36am
  • silk tea.

    silk tea. (400)

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    FINALLY caught up. Dude, I love this story and just how fucked it is. I still am having a hard time deciding who my favorite character is. But I think it's a toss up between Victor and Wyatt. I like the strong silent types. XD Jules is gross, and Olimpia be crazy. I kind of feel bad for Vicki--why do I feel like I'm getting names wrong? Anyway, I'm so glad that I've finally caught up with this brilliant story. XD
    June 14th, 2011 at 04:45am
  • audreyhorne

    audreyhorne (100)

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    So wow. I just blasted through everything you've done so far, all through chapter 9 (because I was so behind on this story), and it's definitely so much different than what I would've imagined it would be in the beginning. But a good different. Definitely a good different.

    As I've said before, I adore the detail that's put into this story. It isn't so much that I get tired and feel the need to skip ahead to keep from being bored; it's just enough to keep me interested. It allows me to delve into the surroundings completely and put myself in the situation, and I really love how the majority of the story isn't dialogue like so many stories are. Not that dialogue is bad, it's great in many situations. But I feel for this story to truly work, more of the content, the detail is needed rather than pages of just talking. I feel like you pulled that off wonderfully.

    The way you write is so eloquent and pretty, it flows so perfectly, I'm honestly jealous. And your vocabulary is outstanding, by the way, but not so much that it's showy or awkward to read.

    I love all of the characters as well, and find them very believable and easy to like. Jules being blunt and loud and boisterous seems like the perfect blissful little crush for Olimpia to have and I like the fact that it isn't some total opposites thing. For some reason I find Vicki very interesting and very peculiar, though. I don't know why, but she seems to be more observant and much less selfish than any of the other characters. She seems to pick up on details about everyone in the story, and in noticing them, her point of view not only reveals things about her character but about their character.

    I love a good mystery, and this is definitely a great read for that. I subscribed a while back after just reading like, two paragraphs in the prologue. If I were to give a critique though, I'd say that although I'm completely in love with Olimpia's comic relief, I feel it a little bit odd going back and forth between mystery and drama to her humor. I'm not by any means saying to change anything about her character, I really adore how charming and eccentric she is, but maybe making it flow a tad better? That's the only thing I have to say about this story that isn't flawless, though. The characters are believable and different and I love that they all have problems that you wouldn't expect, especially Jules. Who would expect incest from someone so seemingly perfect? The title and layout all help tie into that perfectly as well. Definitely keep up the good work, Gabby, this is fantastic. :D And I'm sorry this comment is so excruciatingly long, I just had to tell everything I was thinking about this story.
    June 13th, 2011 at 10:08am
  • NothinNNomore

    NothinNNomore (100)

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    I really like this. It is mysterious and very well written. Good job, I hope to see more soon :)
    April 25th, 2011 at 04:45am
  • SkyLyte

    SkyLyte (100)

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    Sweet. That was definitely a long chapter. Who knew Olimpia would get to hang out with her 'boyfriend'. Hahah
    April 21st, 2011 at 04:01pm
  • Painted Bones.

    Painted Bones. (100)

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    Olimpia is so strangely loveable :D And I loved the gorilla scene where Jules practically hides behind Wyatt.

    Poor Vicki :(
    April 20th, 2011 at 04:12am
  • TheAwesomeRandom

    TheAwesomeRandom (100)

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    Looks like I missed a few chapters... :(

    Anyways, the new chapter is kin of sad because Vicky misses Mark. I don't know why, but the why you wrote made me feel all depressed inside.

    I can't wait to read your next chapter!
    April 20th, 2011 at 02:35am
  • goodbyeeeee

    goodbyeeeee (100)

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    OH MY GOD. The thing where Jules asked Wyatt if he was part gorilla. LITERALLY LOLed. I was dyinggggg. omg. xD
    I loved this chapter, because of Jules & Olimpia. :p
    April 18th, 2011 at 04:29am
  • fun ghoul fez.

    fun ghoul fez. (100)

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    HolylongchapterBatman! :D

    Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoy reading Olimpia's character? No matter if she isn't the main character of the chapter, she is just so damn strange, in the most believable way. And I love the dynamic of her and Vicki's friendship; they're such opposites but it somehow seems to just work. There was one line in the first few paragraphs that confused me though; she got on the bus the was... I'm not really sure what that was supposed to mean so I thought I'd point it out. (:

    I've never been to the zoo either, so I adored just how excited Vicki was about the trip. I could definitely relate. :D

    Going back to Vicki and Olimpia's friendship, it actually reminds me of the one I have with my best friend, who would be the Vicki. I think that's why I enjoy Olimpia's character so much; she reminds me of myself, although she is definitely a little more out there. But this is really true about all the character's; although they all have these dreadful secrets, they're still so interesting and so appealing, in an odd way. They're just... kids, which I think is one of the major reasons I adore them so.

    Sometimes she wonders if maybe the people aren’t as normal as she thinks them to be. I adore that line; that's the huge focus of this entire story and I just love how you slipped it in there. Same with the penguin fact; that is really cute. :D

    So seriously, this story always gets me. It is just... so amazing. I noticed some other little mistakes but that would be silly to point out every single one. xD However, that didn't stop me from immensely enjoying this chapter. :D And now, two things.

    By the time we're done, those things will be illegal in 40 countries. ;D Also, fucking Rasputin. <3
    April 17th, 2011 at 11:27pm
  • little motorkitty;

    little motorkitty; (630)

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    Okay, wow. Just... wow. The way you write is absoloutely amazing and so unexpected. Your descriptions, narrative, everything. It's all amazing and so well written. Not only that but the story you're telling is so original but also relatable at the same time. It's an amazing peice of work, well done :)
    April 6th, 2011 at 02:59am
  • SkyLyte

    SkyLyte (100)

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    I absolutely hate Victor. How does he know about Jules' secret? He's very good at acting and I see his motives are pure evil. I also loved the part when Jules was asking himself how does Olimpia's mind work. I had probably read that three times. It was really funny. I loved the chapter. Keep up the good work.
    March 30th, 2011 at 09:55pm
  • fun ghoul fez.

    fun ghoul fez. (100)

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    Can I just say, right off the bat, that I absolutely adored that first paragraph? I love when repetition is done really well in a story and that paragraph just stuck with me. I also think it gave us a bit more insight into Jules as a person; I really, really like his character.

    God, how the fuck does that girl’s mind work? lmfao That is all.

    Going back to Jules, I love how you so effortlessly mix his personality into your writing with just these little asides that you wouldn't notice if you weren't paying attention. Actually, that's true about the entire story and it is one of the reasons that I pay attention to every single word; I don't want to miss a single detail.

    I adore how Victor talks. You've kind of made him sound like a smartass, which I love, but there's also that hint of malice in his voice; we know he's up to no good but I have no idea what it could be! I can't wait to see who you focus on in the next chapter but no matter who it is, I'm sure I'll love it. :D
    March 28th, 2011 at 10:55pm
  • youcanholdmyranch

    youcanholdmyranch (100)

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    This is amazing. The way you write is so convincing, I can picture every bit of it in my head.
    It definitely makes me think of the secrets I keep and what others may be keeping. Opens my mind it does. hah :)

    I gasped aloud when I realized that Wyatt was a murderer. He's my favorite<3 :(
    Hahah.
    Keep up the good work! :D
    March 28th, 2011 at 07:29am
  • goodbyeeeee

    goodbyeeeee (100)

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    Whoa whoa whoa. Jules needs to calm down, ahah.
    I loved Victor for some reason, I don't even know.
    DUDE. The weird thing about this is that my name is Taylor & I dance too. O: WEIRDDDDDDDDDDD.
    Anyways, awesome chapter. :D
    March 28th, 2011 at 07:14am
  • Painted Bones.

    Painted Bones. (100)

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    I love Victor, even though I'm not very familiar with him XD
    Jules is strangely endearing, even though he's so ditzy, lol
    March 28th, 2011 at 05:02am