To The Death - Comments

okay, so I know it's been a while since you updated this story (and I don't know if you're still writting it) but I stumbled upon it again today and I just wanted to say that it's absolutely freaking amazing!
There were a few parts that were so funny I actually burst out laughing.

I would love to see what you have planned for Lennox and Zacky.
Not to mention, zombie stories are awesome =)

holy mother of johnny christ this is an epic story! o.o
i didnt expect the whole zombies and incest parts, but they make fantastic twist for the story... and i think youve done really well showing the characters of zacky and syn and all the guys, not to mention your original characters :)
i cant wait to see how zacky tells lennox about her siblings, and that he sa wthe zombies too!
the world needs more zombie stories like this :D

O.O
I just found this and I'm shocked in a good way, this is so awesome I'm speechless and how their together and the zombies....And everything it's so overwhelming that I cant stop reading I cant wait for more :)

Holy fucking shit...
I...had no idea...oh my god.
Oh my god.
I have nothing else to say about what happened between those two but oh my god.

And Zacky better damn well believe her now. At least someone else saw the zombie.

I just read the first chapter and had to stop to comment.
This is seriously amazing writing. I wish I could steal it and use it for evil haha.
It was really funny and I loved the part where Zacky was looking at the travel brochure with all the phrases jumping out at him. xD
Brilliant writing.
:)

Why does this not have more comments?
Ugh, the whole thing she saw...my knees were literally starting to shake.
I'd be flipping out just like Lennox if I had seen that.

I am soo envious of your writing abilities. Literally everything you write is gold. I only wish I could do the same. Keep up the good work!

Oh my god. That last part really creeped me the fuck out. I always wonder how I'll feel if someone ever decides to attack me - am I just going to stand still out of fear and panic? Am I going to try to make an escape for it? Plot a way for my survival? Try to come up with a strategic plan to injure my attacker the most?

I know it has nothing to do with your story but when I read stuff closely related to, like, being abushed I sometimes wonder how it'd all feel. To the point of where I ALMOST want to get mugged. It's like I haven't experienced the bad in life, I need to get mugged to prove it. Which is totally off-the-chart on the weirdness scale, so I'll shut up. The chapter was really good, but it didn't feel like a cliffhanger as much as "what in the - what the fuck, how did this happen" kind of feeling. It was all too fast for me to understand - I couldn't see how Lennox was suddenly jealous over her sister then be all scared and run inside and burst into tears because of the hands-thingy.

Or maybe I read that wrong. But either way, being her, I would expect Lennox to check it out - see what was happening instead of just like sobbing. I have a picture of a feisty, fearless, doesn't-take-bullshit- for-an-answer type of girl in my head. But I always like to imagine myself as the heroine - conceited, I know - and I could never see myself bawling. I'd see what it'd be all about and then feel safe, 'cause I'd feel unsafe if I didn't know what it was. Ignorance isn't bliss in my books. So maybe that was my problem. Maybe she was just overwhelmed with feelings. I don't know. But it makes me curious. Makes me want to read more. But I'm sure you'll all make it work: you always do. Loved it as usual!

Well, holy shit, I would burst into tears too.

I love the character interactions between Zacky and Lennox! You make it really convincing and funny, and i love that she doesn't take any shit from him. I'm loving all the other characters more as they develop too, and am already hoping each and every one of them survive whatever sort of zombie apocalypse is fast approaching. Speaking of.... your little hints build just the right amount of anticipation, and while i was reading i found myself thinking 'i love that this is a new A7X fic with a twist'. That A.C. guy seriously gives me the creeps for some reason, so i'm seriously hoping he's the first to go. But either way, i'm excited to see what happens next, and shocked you don't have more comments. You're an amazing writer :)

Oh love it sweetie, its really descriptive and Zacky is kind of an ass but thats okay. Update as soon as you can :3

Loved the update!!
Can't wait to see how the story progresses. I wonder how badly Zacky's mental to-do list regarding Lennox is going to go. I hope it's really bad. He's being a manwhore and I cannot just fucking stand those guys. But I still love your story and he'll redeem himself in my eyes at some point. I hope xD.

Oh shit...
what have our guys gotten themselves into now?

"I like that you understand depression and unhappiness isn't always synonymous with being emo."

I completely agree with that statement. I'm loving the story so far and I was kind of annoyed at the end because I wanted there to be more, but I know the story's gotta' build up its climax (which I'm sure will be extremely satisfying, considering that I've read practically all your stories and adore them) so I'll be a patient little reader and wait :D

Woohoo, new story! )

I've got to admit, i'm normally generally irritated by the present tense story telling mode you've got going on in this, but i've found that i don't mind it so much with your writing. You make it interesting with little comedic remarks that lets the reader know the narrator actually has a personality. While i slightly agree with the comment above that at times there was a little too much information, i wasn't overwhelmed or put off by it. To be honest, i don't know how you would have changed it so that all of the necessary information was revealed without confusion and boredom.

I'm genuinely excited to see where this is gonna go, and i love all the characters so far. Especially Lennox. I love that she's not happy-go-lucky but isn't ridiculously 'emo' at the same time. I like that you understand depression and unhappiness isn't always synonymous with being emo.

Overall, i thought it was a good introduction and gave the reader a great general overview. Oh, and i love the layout. Looking forward to reading what happens next :)

Story Review Game

I don't mind the layout any which way - I do like the background however. I rarely pay attention to layouts anyway though unless it just hurts my eyes.

First of all, I don't read fanfic, mostly because I rarely pay attention to the band members and the only reason I can recite some band member's names is because of pure coincidence. That being said, I won't be able to gauge anything having to do with that. Just the story itself~~~

Anyways, upon reading the summary and finishing the first chapter, I think the introduction for the character's is a bit too long, especially for them both to contain an entire chapter. It didn’t really go into the action, or really hint at it. If the end is supposed to contain suspense, I would cut the summary a bit - when the first chapter ends, we already know he's going to a retreat that his friends have kidnapped him on and that pretty much guts the suspense that could have been gotten out of that. Also, I think it jumped into them far too fast and often ended up in a little dump of information. Such as this:

'To tell the truth, he isn’t sure what’s wrong with him. He’s just purchased this luxurious new house. Avenged Sevenfold has just wrapped up their latest album. He knows he should be happy, but somehow, for some reason, he’s not. He hasn’t had a girlfriend in what feels like forever. As much as he hates to admit it, he’s jealous of Matt’s recent marriage. He’s twenty-eight, for fuck’s sake, and he wants something soft and pretty to hold. He wants a wedding of his own sometime soon, but all the girls he’s dated recently have been complete duds, so he’s become a bit of a whore. He doesn’t see anything wrong with that. He likes sex. Scratch that, he loves it—and he’s developed a bit of a virgin fetish, so he spends his nights ripping through the innocence of any virgin who’ll have him, leaving them in broken and sometimes bleeding heaps and delighting, for reasons he can’t even begin to explain, in their tears. And he does see something wrong with that, but he doesn’t know what to do about it besides send the girls flowers and wish them the best in life, so he just kind of pretends like it doesn’t happen. So, okay, he has some issues, but certainly nothing that anyone else needs to concern themselves with. '

And this:

'Lennox bites hard on the inside of her cheek and tries not to cry. She gets it—she’s her parents’ last raffle ticket, the last shooting star on which their wishes and dreams so hopefully rely. Her siblings have long since left the nest. They’ve rejected the comfort that comes as a side dish with a heaping plate of Still Living With Mom and Dad. They’ve moved right into the heart of Hell—or, as everyone on earth, except for her father, refers to it, Las Vegas. And while she doesn’t live at home—she’d applied extra-early for on-campus housing every year for the past four years—she knows that her school’s proximity to her parents’ home provides them with the false idea that they can still control her. She knows that displeasing them in any way leads to being cut off from the family wealth. But she can feel herself getting worse, and she knows she just can’t handle any more school. And as dumb as the thought makes her feel, she’d take poverty over graduate school any day. '

The first is two hundred and twenty two words and the second is one hundred and seventy six. It's a bit much and there are times when I feel you're reiterating what's already been established only sentences ago. The information about the characters and their lives is interesting but it's just too much at once to me. I really liked the characters; that was my only gripe with them - too much at once. I also think you left Lennox's part ending a little oddly. I'm not sure how to describe it - Zacky's part seemed more final while Lennox's was just hanging there.

I do think you have a good balance of dialogue and description; aside from the two examples above. Which, for some reason, I honestly don't count as description. Maybe just back story? But yes. You have a good balance of the two.

Anwyays, on to the characters. Out of the two, I could relate to Lennox more (seriously, whoever can't is lucky as hell), but I found Zacky to have the most interesting set-up. I'm interested in seeing how that may manifest in the rest of the story. And if that could potentially damage the relationship that MAY OR MAY NOT form between Lennox and Zacky. I don't think I like the characters in general though; Zacky DEFINITELY seems like a handful and slightly immature while Lennox just seemed... displeased. There were times when I thought she was a little humorous but not so much.

Overall, I think this chapter could have had a little more foreshadowing on the events to come, which was implied by the summary. But if you had no summary, people would probably think this to be a plain romance story without the whole 'people disappearing' route. I think you should make it more accessible in that sense.

Oh yeah first comment, lol
I love how you used the line out of Unholy Confessions
Knocking out Zacky, desperate times calls for desperate measures
I really like it so far
Update soon
:}