Ava - Comments

I want to start off by telling you that the layout is fantastic. I literally never start off a review by commenting on the layout, but I love how simple and nice it is. Good job.

This was really good. I loved it. People usually write stories about protagonist's whose antagonist were just supposed to hate, like automatically. Stories aren't often told in the point of view of the bad guy, and even though this was told in third person, a lot of background information was given on the main character who in the readers eyes is the person were supposed to be routing for. Stories never tell us why were suppose to dislike the bad guy, it's never deeply described, it's always petty reasons that the melodramatic protagonist takes too personally.

Great read.

Ugh, loving the repetition of Liar. I love the namedrop of Lady Gaga. But the Benjamin Franklin quote...isn't it two can keep a secret if one of them is dead? I could've sworn that was it. Anyway, it's a beautiful piece. The repetition of liar and the way you manage to word your sentences with subtle humor and hypnotic imagery. I have to agree with Aaden about the whole Jane Doe type of character this girl is but the liar bit does help. Otherwise, wonderful piece. XD

this layout is so pretty :D and i love that banner picture <3
i also love the name Ava, i find it very pretty and elegant :)
i like how you used liar a lot in this, since it was the chapter title
i mean like how you would state something then say it was a lie
i like how you've created this kind of perfect character in Ava
how she is so gorgeous and smart that she like rules the world with her beauty
i love how you compared her face to Lady Gaga there :)
because I'm a fan of Lady Gaga, i guess i got a big kick out of htat :)
and i also like how she has a lot of secrets, it makes you very curious about her
especially because this is in third person instead of 1st person
you're so good with analogys. how you explain things is effortless
and i like how she is perfect, but has an interior not so good
she keeps many secrets that she shares with no one
gosh i love the name Nolan! always have, always will :)
and i like how he's older, and should be wiser, but she still took advantage
it shows that she really can get everyone around her finger
i feel bad for nolan :( he was so in love with her, and she was too
but she still hurt him and took advantage of him, why would she do this?
I really wish I could see inside of Ava's mind and why she did these things
i like how you said that she really did care for him deep down
it showed that she really did have a heart and not just completely cold
not even a note? Jeez ava, that's not good :( you could at least have been a bit courteous
i like how you explain nolan, you can tell hes very attractive and still a nice guy :)
and then she lies and says hes a bad guy and kicked her out, furthest thing from the truth
i seriously practically fell in love with this very story/one shot
gosh it's so wonderful! you wrote it amazingly, you're just a good writer
and on top of that, the plot was amazing, and you ended it very well :D
love, love, love this :D

Wow, that layout and story are just stunning. Even if you never bring back the character of Ava, this story is just perfect the way it is. I loved the little punctuations of liar between each paragraph. It just made it all the more perfect. It just works perfectly together! Well done!

This was very interesting. I wish I could read more of Ava's story though. Maybe you could turn this character into another story. That would be interesting. It was nice to read a story about a character that I have quite a bit in common with. Keep up the good work !

I'll start off by commenting on the layout. While it's beautiful, I think that maybe some nice pinks or blues would. better compliment the banner and help with the visual aspect of the story.

I like the repetion of the word liar after every paragraph, it helped show exactly what she was lying about. It proved how much she lied about. Even though she was basically described as a "Molly Sue" type of character early on, this lying helped to make her original in some ways. Also, I like that Lady Gaga, Pokerface reference. It made it very modern.

In a way, this story seems a bit unfinished. I think it's mostly because the last couple of paragraphs almost sound like a second prologue, which is a bit intriguing. If you were to decide to extend this, it would make for a good read, but if not, it's a nice bit of ellipsis for an ending.

Really great job!

Wonderfully written.
I enjoyed reading it. :)
People all lie to some extent, this showed the sort of 'id' in lies, for lack of better words.
Well done putting it together.
Your descriptions are amazing and flow together perfectly.
Great job.

Firstly, the layout is stunning. The colors don't exactly go with the photo, but it's beautiful nonetheless. Onto the story, it's very intriguing. It shows how much falseness is in human life now-a-days. We're all liars, we all use people to our own advantage. This describes society perfectly, to me. I don't know if you meant to do that, but you did. I like the way Ava likes to think of herself - she likes to think of herself as perfect. Smart, beautiful, etc. Oh, and I really like the name Ava Steele. It's very sophisticated sounding, she could make herself seem important just because of her name. It's elegant and I feel like it adds to her character, even though she is a liar. A big one at that. I don't think I can describe how impressed with this I was. This is a one-shot, isn't it? It saddens me if it is. I feel as if this could develop into a very, very interesting and original story. Anyway, you've done a marvelous job on this.

Ava Steele was a liar. Ava Steele was a conniving witch. Ava Steele was heartless. This describes so much with so few words. I can imagine her character perfectly. You defiantly know what you're doing. <3

I like it. The liar thing is catchy.

It's very intriguing. I hope you keep with it. :)