Now He's Gone - Comments

This was a really great piece! I love how it started-- just the tone and description of shoes pulled me right in. I also really like how this story was broken up with the flashbacks. The whole one-shot was just put together really well!

I...liked the concept but I got really really confused.

um, did he cheat or did she cheat? you said something about work and and a coworker but in the beginning it seemed like he was with a coworker or something? plus, were they married, dating, moved in together, what? That was never clarified and I was like ummmm... and when you went into Italics, you never ever said who was speaking, so it was just a bunch of talking but I had no idea who was talking? I just really didn't understand and I still don't.

I do like your writing okay and the way she had flashback throughout the story though, even if I didn't understand..

So, this was intense, I mean, I get it. Getting caught up in someone else is like asking for your world to end. I get what you've got going here. I mean, wow, cheating. I guess in away your narrator deserves this, cheating on someone and ignoring them makes them feel like sh*t. This was really good. Like really, really good.

I like it better when there is an original layout, so the layout didn't really do much for me, plus it didn't lend anything to the story at all. However, it wasn't distracting so that was good.

I liked the way it went back and forth through time. I think that's a great way to do a story and you did it really well; it kept my attention and never let me get bored.

The emotions in the story were good. You conveyed them nicely and endeared me to your characters.

Over all, good job!

I really liked this, it started and ended perfectly.
I loved the Snippets of the past, the arguments and the fact that they both have issues to work out.
It held alot of emotions, especially the last part.
The shoes thing was a great idea, her feeling of hopelessness and all she has is his shoes. No grammar mistakes at all, it all flowed really well.
Great job

I think the opening sentence of just "Shoes." was such a great way to start. I could hear it being said out loud, almost, with a heavy sigh after it. It was just a great way to pull the reader in.

How funny that both yours and my story have the italicized storyline going on within the story. What I like about yours is that you immediately know it's a flashback to the past without having to explain it, which I appreciate it. I also like that you didn't tell us because it's easy enough to understand. I like it when authors treat readers like they're intelligent.

One thing was I didn't understand the non-italicized part in the first italicized part (if that makes sense). I just... wasn't sure why it wasn't in italics. It sort of threw me off a teensy bit.

I love the last italicized part most. How she's so accusing (yup, read it as het) and I would be, too if he was always taking off from work early and such, but then he turns it back to her and says she's always drunk/high. I like that it shows they're both having problems with the other.

Oh wow. This was a cool piece of work. And there I am, thinking that it was the guy who'd been cheating and that the girl was the victim. I love that you didn't make this story just another one of those 'Oh, I'm the victim, feel sorry for me,' love stories. In all honesty, it was refreshing. I'm sort of tired of reading terrible heartbreaking shizz about how women were cheated on by their husbands and blah - blah - blah.

Good job dude!