February 3rd, 2011 at 03:19am
You're so legit with this. I'm so excited.
I have nothing else to say.
I'm in Awe.
After the Sun - Comments
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February 3rd, 2011 at 02:59am
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Wow. Just... wow. This is definitely than what I expected, which is a good thing, because I never would've thought of a UV chamber to substitute as the sun for a source of Vitamin D. To be honest, I don't usually really fantasy stories. Romance is usually what I like to read but my God, you have a way with your words that just gets me hooked and makes me want to read about monsters. I cannot wait to see where this goes.
Great job, bb. <3February 3rd, 2011 at 01:30am -
This is amazing and unique and beautiful and I love reading it. :)
Your writing style is really good, I love the descriptions, and it makes me want to keep reading. ^-^
I can't wait to see where this goes. Subbing for sure. <3
Update soon, please? :3
I'd write more, but my brain feels all blahh right now.xDFebruary 3rd, 2011 at 01:26am -
This looks incredibly interesting. :)February 2nd, 2011 at 05:51am
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Dear Billy,
I just wanted to let you know that you are legit amazing and your writing skills could put the stars to shame because, let's face it, your skills are just that dazzling, hehe. I cannot wait to read this so hurry up with the fabulous-ness making, okaydokey? :)
<3 Ava. :DJanuary 19th, 2011 at 05:11am
hdfkjghdfkjhdfkj I love your mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences that you use to describe everything in the opening paragraph. It flows and works and it just seems wonderfully natural for a thought process. The only things I've noticed in here is that you use — a lot; after a while, you sort of want to see a different method of separation. Just food for thought though; as it is now, it reads plenty fine.
How sorrowful the story reads is so perfect. It's sad and pretty and it just sort of seems hopeful. I'm curious as to what the main character is going to be (I love not knowing her/his name!) doing in the story, if s/he is going to attack the vampires or leave them be. You've got a set of beautiful lines that just make the story [for example, The world died a long time ago, and it took humanity with it.; They are the monsters that should've stayed behind the moon] and how you describe the MC's lust for things that we really honestly do take for granted like tanning and swimming and the sun and flowers... it puts things into perspective a little bit.
The "I grew up here" paragraph is perfect. It's my favorite- it fits the whole apocalyptic and quiet and just accepted way of life this person reads, and it sort of feels something like a theme. The knowledge that you won't see anyone you don't know, there won't be a different person there who you'll be introduced to that you don't know a relative of; the knowledge that everything is made of the sameness and everything is accepted to be what it is.
I'm a little confused about the paragraph, though, that speaks of the way they get food supplies. Is that what it's talking about? Or, is it talking about vampires that try to get in? It's just a slight confusion for me, because it can be read either way it it makes sense.
You're an author that I think, if you write a lot of things like this, I'll love you for. You've got a post apocalyptic fic that has a beautiful writing style... it's refreshing to find a really brilliant fantasy that can be absolutely real in the future. I strive to write in that way when I do post apocalyptic/government control stories, so that it's believable and something that doesn't seem too out there and implausible.
I didn't spot any grammar mistakes, though I would review a little bit since you did use dashes just a bit much in my opinion, but overall it's a sound and intriguing piece.