The End of Days - Comments

If the summary is a part of what you're handing in:
My hands. The once prominent wrinkles are gone, replaced with smooth skin, unmarred by age. - I would be cautious of this line, just for the mere fact 'My hands,' has been written as a complete sentence, and then the lines after it are describing them as such, and while it's easy to understand what's going on, I feel like there should be a comma instead of a full stop. Just for the sake of flow, and the fact that the sentence is carried on and makes more sense.

And suddenly my body starts to shrink. - for the sake of handing it in and such for a creative writing course, what does the teacher(?) think of starting sentences with 'And?' From what you told me of the story, I can see it working, but there's always that small opinion of the teacher. Hopefully it'll be all good. :)

I'm following in the footsteps of my children - this may depend on how someone reads it, but... you mean she's following in the footsteps, or following the footsteps?

You're just a glint, they whisper, as they tuck you in at night - "You're just a glint," they whisper as... because you've alluded to someone speaking, chuck in the speech marks, and that second comma wasn't needed. :)

Story
Most of it is covered by leaves - What's covered by leaves? In the previous sentence you've said that the seats are littered with shattered glass, so the only thing that could be alluded to is the window frame being covered by leaves...is that the case?

burgundy around the right door - right passenger door, or right back door?

Okay, now I can see that you were talking about the car being covered by leaves. You need to somehow mention that where the most of it is... because it really does leave the reader going, what the fuck is she talking about?

Each step is one further my body takes me - I can see what you mean by this, but it takes a few goes at reading the sentence to go ah, yes. It reads a little awkwardly, but I do see what you've done. Each step is one further step in a direction my body takes me, or something like that so there's something in there to break out the awkwardness. If you read it aloud, you may see what I mean.

The words write themselves away, - Again, I see what you've done, I would suggest something like, The words write themselves into oblivion, because then at least you're keeping the idea of him forgetting/not remembering but it's not quite erasing.

One by one, first my son and then the one I call my daughter. - One by one. First, my son, and then, the one I call my daughter. I'm not too sure on either of those, or what one would sound better.

Soon, they shrivel into tiny pink bundles - I don't think you need that comma after Soon

They disappear, as my children did. - You also don't need that comma in there either.

Soon, our belongings are piled in the corners, with scarcely anything on the walls or in random corners. - there is no such thing as a random corner unless you lived in my flat last year and there was a triangular corner thing. In that case, I would say that this is okay. But I lived in a shitty building, so this is not the case. :) corners, and there is scarcely anything on the walls.

illuminating dust and spare nails - abandoned instead of spare.

In my section, we are few in number, but I can see the same guarded look - few in number, is the repetition of the same guarded look. If you read what you've written, you'll notice that the use of the comma's doesn't help carry on what you're intending to say. The sentence ends without an ending as such, it just seems continuous...then ends.

and I try to remember. Remember who I am, besides the last name etched into my pocket. - remember...remember who I am, regardless of the last name... maybe?

Emotions make you weak, - me because there has been no other mention of recognizing an outside person in the narrative.

but I still feel only hurt and anger and pain - I still only feel hurt...

I see myself signing my name across form after form - maybe signing my name across lines of dots, form after form just to alleviate the awkwardness.

not more than a simple hug hello. not or no? hug, hello.

We talk more, about mindless things. - Don't need the comma.

and they can’t hold up to my weight. - they can't hold/carry my weight

I really like the concept of this, and I like how even though he's going back in time/space, it still all makes sense and it creates another kind of plot, if you get what I mean. It's rather quite good. :)

I really like this a lot. You've experimented with something here and it's really working. I especially love the part where his wife becomes a stranger. It's really poignant and loving.
This is great. I love it.

how funny. i have a story with the same title.

layout/summary;
the layout is wonderful and i love the image because it's not scary, but haunting in it's own way, especially when you read the summary. i love the italicized words in the summary and then the other part really sucks you in. it makes sense to me in a way, but then again it doesn't.

story;
it's about amnesia? it's interesting. you have this wonderful way of painting the scene. i was a little confused on the first paragraph, so i reread and it makes sense. it's probably my way of reading more than your way of writing. this isn't quite as minimalistic as i prefer to read, but it still makes sense. and it's not like it's a billion metaphors, just very specific. i do like the phrase "metal" skeleton rather a lot.

there's a lot of metaphors about what he's feeling, but they really work here. because he's confused so he's using what he understands to describe what she doesn't. and what he's using to explain it we understand. i did get this amazing visual of the canvas sucking the paint back into it and it was wonderful.

this is interesting. now i'm wondering if he's actually lost his mind or something because what he's describing really does see like he's shifted back in time, especially with the television screens. but he doesn't remember his children so it seems to not make sense. this is why i keep reading. and now i read the line about the children shrinking. this is really weird, very interesting. (weird is not an insult.)

i thought this was a girl the whole time. oops. i think it's 'cause i thought it was a girl in the picture until second glance. oh, well. it doesn't change anything except now i'm going to go edit the pronouns in my review really quick.

it's really interesting how describes the children "dying". and i think it's really interesting how when his wife isn't pregnant anymore he describes her as healthy, not sick. like the children were an illness. it's just interesting how that might look from the eyes of someone who doesn't understand.

it's really weird reading this backward, but it's interesting. and it's interesting what he does remember. like he remembers the war very clearly and he's describing these things in honesty. he can remember them, unlike him remember his wife was pregnant. i find that brilliant.

We used to be friends, but they’re different now. They have small curves and they blush whenever I walk past them. I don’t understand.
i love these lines, particularly the middle one. i just... love this. it's relatable. i think it's beautiful.

I learn to color outside the lines.
i also like this line because it's not that he forgot how to color inside the lines, but that he's learning to color outside the lines. learning instead of forgetting. wonderful.

overall;
overall i'm confused, but not in a bad way. i understood the story. it made sense. i'm only really unsure of, like... is this supposed to be what happens when you die? if not, why did this happen. that's all i'm really confused on. but it doesn't matter. i don't need to know. it's just the thought.

i think this was wonderful, dani. it's so interesting and unique and the way you describe things. i love how he retains his adult thoughts even as a child because it's an interesting viewpoint. wonderful.