April 13th, 2011 at 11:25pm
I loved all the mystery and confusion in this, like neaither the narrator nor the reader knew exactly what was going on but it was too fascinating to stop.
I loved the constant questions asked to the reader, Everything was vague and you described the feelings and emotions very well.
Althought the last half of it was extremely hard to read due to the picture, i needed to highlight it to read it so maybe you should change that or maybe the colour of the font?
All in all i really liked this and your writing style <3
"Oh" you say, looking down at the blood spilling out of your chest and onto the concrete.
- Needs a comma after "oh". :)
Another really good concept, but with a little iffy structures so it doesn't deliver what it could. There's so much promise in the storyline and what you want to deliver, but the words don't quite do the story just. Too many new paragraphs, and it sort of gives the feel of a poem and not a story. Which would be awesome, except then suddenly we get a proper paragraph which reminds me of a story and not a poem. I'd like it to be one or the other, so that the flow stays intact.