Panic - Comments

This is simple, yet vivid. The broken structure really depicts her distress and helplessness. I think this was amazingly written. Chills down my spine.

(comment 1/3 for Halloween giveaway) Wow, for such a short piece, it was so powerful. It's really impressive how much you fit into under 300 words. I can feel the terror and picture what is happening. It also makes me want more! I want to see if they really did make it to the next day. Well done!

Even though this story was short, it was full of such a powerful emotion of being in fear. The title itself made me want to read, and figure out why the character will be in panic. I am sure that people who've survived experiences of being kidnapped suffer traumatic consequences. Not wondering what is going to happen is something that makes people think many worst case scenarios like I felt in your character.

She knew she was taken. The use of imagery as you described her state helped me feel some of her emotions and fears. I felt sad for her when she mentioned that she was sure, she wasn't going to be alive for longer than maybe one night. I wish I could read a sequel, maybe not with this character, but with the person who took her. It would be amazing to read what you come up with if you extended the concept a bit more.

I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors. I think it was perfectly written. Great piece.

Happy halloween! Here's your second comment and rec!

I find myself sympathizing with the victim as their terror was carried through these words. You're very talented with setting the mood because this carries a dark tone well and I can visualize what it would be like should I be there with very little words. I feel myself becoming claustrophobic as I think about this human being caged like an animal and they're completely powerless against the merciless monster that holds them. This piece is an excellent work of art and I'm excited to browse through more of your works.

I really like how you can tell such a story with so relatively few words! Also, you show great proficiency at establishing tone; I can really feel the mood of this piece, so claustrophobic and dark. Just really, really great! I feel like horror can be a hard genre to write, especially to write just one-shots for, and I'm not sure exactly why that is. It's just hard to pull off being convincingly, genuinely scary or creepy, but you seem to have a real knack for it!

Kudos!

WOW.

I really love this. I love the feeling that you get and the amount of detail poured into this. I love the opening line and the layout really adds to the story. You did an amazing job on this, I only wish there was more!

Is it bad that I really like this? It's very creepy. But the creepiness of it really draws the reader in because they, just like me, wants to know what happens next, or what happened to lead to this point. The spelling and grammar are wonderful. Flawless. And the layout is intriguing as well. I hope you do continue this story at some point because I intend to subscribe. Keep writing :)

Is it bad that I really like this? It's very creepy. But the creepiness of it really draws the reader in because they, just like me, wants to know what happens next, or what happened to lead to this point. The spelling and grammar are wonderful. Flawless. And the layout is intriguing as well. I hope you do continue this story at some point because I intend to subscribe. Keep writing :)

Is it bad that I really like this? It's very creepy. But the creepiness of it really draws the reader in because they, just like me, wants to know what happens next, or what happened to lead to this point. The spelling and grammar are wonderful. Flawless. And the layout is intriguing as well. I hope you do continue this story at some point because I intend to subscribe. Keep writing :)

Dear author,
the layout adds to the air of this story. You did a pretty good job in this. It's like its happening right now and its totally realistic.

"I'm never letting you go."
I am imagining like I'm in her shoes. Hearing him saying these words. It gives me the chills.

The last thing I would see before he killed me were his eyes -- green, haunted, murderous -- but oh so lovely all at the same time.
I loved the ending. It was so beautiful.

Overall, well done sweets! This was a good read.

~Marian.

This was what I would call wonderfully creepy. There is so much put into such a short story. You are an amazing writer. There is so much emotion packed into this. Usually I hate stories all short like this but I really liked this. You did an excellent job, and I hope you continue writing,

This is soooo beautiful!! Its so short, yet so sweet. The way you write and describe so much description in so little words is just amazing!! I like the last line also, the one about his eyes being the last thing she would see… murderous yet lovely.. so beautiful!! I really like this and although it is only one chapter, it fucking rocks!! Keep up the good work and awesome writing!! 

Usually, I would get kinda annoyed when I click on a story with no summary but this story is an exception. The moment I saw that picture of the eye, I was instantly hooked. Yeah, if you can't tell, I have obsession with eyes.

This is just amazing! You make me yearn for more of this. Like, make this story a story about a serial killer who seduces his victim with his beautiful eyes, mesmerizing them, making them vulnerable and weak for him.

I like this kind of story. It just leaves a lot of unanswered questions and this kind of open ending just leaves a lot of possibilities in my head.

Kudos to you. ^_^

This story was really creepy, but I loved it. Reading something creepy like this at Halloween is always good in my opinion x] I do agree with the previous comment about the contrast of black background and white writing, but I'm not wearing my glasses so it could be that >_>

The air was too tight, and my throat was raw, weak from all the screaming. ~ I loved this line, the fact that it was long just seemed to add onto the panic that was the feel of the story, it was brilliant and very well decribed.
He wanted me to suffer. ~ I loved this line as well, how you stated it as a total fact. It was really well done.

I loved the end few lines, how it changed so rapidly but still fit in so well with the rest of the story, and it made me think that maybe she knew him from before this. It was really creepy but interesting and mysterious. I loved it :)

I like the banner. (: But I don't really like the black black-ness of the layout against the white white-ness of the text. It kind of strains my eyes, but maybe I'm just sensitive. It's all a matter of opinion, I guess. Nonetheless, I think the layout goes well with the feel of this story! Especially the banner, and the overall darkness of the background. ;D

This was very readable. Really easy to read. I think it's because of the way you wrote it. I could picture everything perfectly! That's great. "Panic spread through me like a virus..." I really like that simile! The way you word things is wonderful.

So onto the actual content of the story. OMG FREAKY! This is awful! WHY WOULD YOU WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THIS, GIRL? Don't take offense to that. It's just so intense and creepy and D; sad. "Please," I muttered, "let me go." ;__; That was really sad. She's pleading with the dude, and he's just unrelenting. It's so weird that this is just all by itself. Why did he do this? What was his motive? You give us absolutely no information about the characters! On purpose? All we know is that the girl (is it a girl, even?!) had too much to drink, and the guy (is it a guy>?!) took advantage of that. Hmm, I just don't know what to think of this. I wish you had made it a bit longer, and explained some of these things. But maybe you left out a bunch of stuff on purpose?

That was freaky, in a good way.

I loved how the story builds up this sense of fear and anxiety, and then sort of turns around at the end when she calls his eyes "lovely". It makes you question the narrator as a person... did she know this man? Does she love him even though he's doing these terrible things? The story ends at a cliffhanger of sorts in that sense, and I love that.

Wonderful story. Great job!

(Happy Halloween!)

Whoa, this was freaky deaky. It was all very. . creepy. I felt chills go down my spine when I read the part about his eyes. How she described them to be so terrible, but still somehow lovely? Let's get real, she's insane. This whole piece was insane. And it was beautifully insane! :')

Twisted, beautiful and so.. interesting.. because I have green eyes >.>
I like the feeling of almost absent thought as she sees his eyes and believes them beautiful despite her situation, sorta like the last sunrise for those people about to be executed.
^_^

Wow. Creeeepy. O.O
But really, really good.
The story was really powerful, especially considering how short it was.
Maybe powerful isn't quite the right word, maybe I'm thinking... intense?
Oh well. Hopefully you know what I mean. (:
But yes, this was very well-written and I loved it.