Something Like It - Comments

For the Story/Review game.

First of all, I really liked the layout and image you used here. To me, it really fit the mood of the story, doing a lot more than a pale, muted one would have.

I think the biggest thing I appreciated about this story was the length. Too many times on this site, I see 1000-2000 word oneshots. While there's nothing wrong with that, and oftentimes it works, you can't squeeze a lot into the story and let the plot really develop, unlike what happened here. I think the length of the story is what really made me get into the plot and the characters, and come to understand them more.

Granted, I'm not very familiar with the fandom this story is focused on, but it really didn't matter because of the way you wrote it, which is another thing I really appreciate about this. It felt gritty and realistic, not like your average, run-of-the-mill fanfic. I could see this happening in real life.

One thing that really stuck out for me was how Audrey and Brendon didn't get back together after what happened that night. I really, really loved that. It was the real world, not some romantic fantasy, and refreshing for me to read. Also, that it wasn't blatantly a revenge fuck. I felt like it was, in a way, but more than anything, it was about neither of them being alone, especially Brendon. The way you pulled it off wasn't cliche at all, so awesome!

This was one of my favorite parts. It seemed to say everything without saying everything, if that makes sense?:

Brendon looked at her. The whole thing was ending. They would be strangers again. And it wasn't that he wanted to date her, wanted to keep her, he just wanted to feel safe.

And the end! I loved, loved, loved it! I'm probably sounding like a broken record right now, but it wasn't cliche, and out of everything, felt the most real to me. Ryan is an asshole that just uses Brendon, and how he tells Ryan to get lost unless he's serious about him was my favorite part of the story. It was real. Ryan doesn't suddenly change, realize he truly loves Brendon just by seeing him with Audrey again. Instead, he just sees Brendon as something to use while his girlfriend is gone, learning nothing, not really changing, and that made this story far stronger because of it. I really admire you for that.

The very end, how Brendon gets so tired of playing Ryan's game, basically, and finally just tells him to respect him or leave, was the perfect way to end this. You took something that could have been really, really depressing, and turned it around, which made the story impact me a lot more.

And that was when Ryan left because that had always been his greatest fear, Brendon realizing that he deserved more.

Perhaps this is the strongest line for me. It just shows the reader that no miracles are going to happen, than nothing will really change except for one man finally realizing what he's really worth.

I can't really give much criticism to this because it's such a solid piece. If anything, in a few parts at the beginning, the narrative felt too detached, too unemotional, but that wasn't nearly bad enough to detract from the story, let alone make me stop reading. Grammar, style, the rest was spot on. And I must say, I haven't really seen a story quite like this on Mibba yet.

Overall, good job! I really enjoyed this.

the first het i've really written in years that's not si.
yes, there's past ryan/brendon, but it really focuses on audrey/brendon.
~6000 words.

comments are love<333

xoxox
-dru