You wanted constructive criticism, so I'll give you some: lay off the thesaurus. I understand that you want this to be serene and melodic, but use words that are simple yet powerful. Don't call "water" "aqua." Don't call "the beach" "the shores." Your readers will respect simple language. Don't over-do it.
Also, titles don't need periods. In fact, titles with periods make me lose interest. You should lose the period.
I hope I'm not seeming too harsh. :(
This story, however...the writing was magnificant. I'll only mention how wonderful it is once because you asked for me to be constructive. So I'll be constructive. Well done.
Also, titles don't need periods. In fact, titles with periods make me lose interest. You should lose the period.
I hope I'm not seeming too harsh. :(
This story, however...the writing was magnificant. I'll only mention how wonderful it is once because you asked for me to be constructive. So I'll be constructive. Well done.
Ryan