Infinite Love - Comments

Comment Swap. Right off the bat I can tell this is gonna be kinda hard to read since you have no line spacing between paragraphs or dialog. There's a few grammatical mistakes. This should give you a few helpful tips and pointers =] But besides the grammatical errors, there were quite a few names thrown out really quickly and It was kind of hard to keep everyone and everything straight.

I feel like the use of more detail would really help grab your readers into the story. When you tell it, you seem to just be jumping from one activity to the next with out really savoring the moment. Instead of 'I dried off, got dressed, and put some make up on.' You could instead describe what she was thinking when she was drying off? The process of her picking out her outfit, or what she chose to wear. How she put her make up on, and the colors she wanted to use. Granted, don't go crazy and start adding in a bunch of superfluous details but a little more wouldn't hurt in your case.

I also feel like, even though you are trying to move the story along, you think about how you wanted to end your chapters. Cliffhangers keep the reader wanting more. Or the build up of drama. Something to make me want to be sucked into the story. I would have liked to have gotten to know the characters a bit and connected with them on some sort of personal level.

*COMMENT SWAP*
UM..... I don't agree with revelations. I like this book. The fact that it's in a bunch is not a big deal. It's how we want it and if other readers don't like it they can just get the boot. I love this story and you would be going me a favor if you just turned your head form all the negativity

I'm from comment swap, and it gave me this story, but I'm guessing this is the sequel, and I'm really not sure.

It's hard to read this because everything is chunked together, and there's barely any description. This all can easily be fixed by having someone look over it.

Hope my comment isn't too discouraging

I haven't read the story "Love Undefined" But I do enjoy this so far. I'm a little confused about the characters, but that's probably because I haven't read the original story.