April 19th, 2011 at 05:55pm
Title:The title itself is interesting. It's like a hook itself, pulling the reader in.
Layout:Where the title is attractive, the layout itself isn't. I'm one of those really naughty people who judge books by their cover and the layout on Mibba is like a book cover. If this wasn't for my contest I wouldn't have read this.
Summary:I like that you included the quotes you had chosen. It made it easier for me to see where you took them and brought them into the story. The little synopsis you put at the bottom, that definitely brought me in.
Content:The writing was cliche in several places and I suggest you proof read before posting. With that in mind I'd like to say that despite what I just said this was interesting. I have never seen a story like this on Mibba before.
Layout- I like the layout. It fits the name of the story very well.
Summary- Good short and sweet. It's not too tell tale and not to short hanging.
Chapter One- It's a good beginning and it captures the start of the story leading to her "choice" although I do have to agree with auden. Your writing is a little cliche and your a little too quick with your plot. I don't like the reaper either. He doesn't fit the idea of a reaper I have and many others have in mind.
Chapter two- It's too short and straight forth. It gives me little to no time to set up an image of where she is or what things are like in my mind. I think you're focusing a little too much on broadening your vocabulary when writing than you are on everything else that truly makes a story good. And the reaper doesn't seem like a reaper.
Chapter Three- Still rushing, you had plenty of word count space for both contests I think. And when I think of a dead person, I don't think of them being friendly like Erik is being. And I think you're making the dead people have humanly connections like touching, feelings, being seen. It's not right. I don't think reapers are supposed to be as talkative as Erik is.
Chapter Four- It's cool how you had the little girl have to die because she didn't take her boyfriend away.
Chapter Five- The story ended way too short for me. You had room to put more words in there and you didn't have to rush the story the way you did. To be honest it was almost like a lazy write, the kind people do when they don't feel like writing something anymore, so they're just getting it over with. And I thought reapers weren't supposed to talk to the people they're taking away. Their only job is to take the dead away.
That's it for the judging of your story. Look out for the dates of the five day grace period. I'll explain it later on on the forum of the contest, so make sure you're on the look out for that. I may notify everybody about it also.