Yes, I get to steal the first comment spot! So, the only two things I have are kind of small and yet a bet big, which makes no sense, I know. lol
“I had been the outcast that everyone disregarded.” This paragraph seemed a little out of place to me. It just seemed to detract from the atmosphere of the story. For once, I'm not quite sure how you would fix it, or where a better place would be to put it.
The ending kind of dropped off. There was this really awesome tense feel to the story and with the last two paragraphs it was just like...Well, I'm not sure. Maybe you could expand on it, or at least put in what the MC was sayig, ya know?
As always, I was impressed when I read this. I could tell which words were the vocab words, but they were put in so smoothly that if I hadn't known this was an English assignement, I would have just been like, "Awesome word choice!" and gone on. lol Yeah, and your imagery and sentences always sound so effotless, and it makes me want to hit you over the head and steal your tone and ease! lol
I really liked the concept of this. It's not really something that I've ever really thought of. It was an awesome spin to a situation written about many times. The only thing I'm asking myself right now is why I didn't read this a lot sooner.
“I had been the outcast that everyone disregarded.”
This paragraph seemed a little out of place to me. It just seemed to detract from the atmosphere of the story. For once, I'm not quite sure how you would fix it, or where a better place would be to put it.
The ending kind of dropped off. There was this really awesome tense feel to the story and with the last two paragraphs it was just like...Well, I'm not sure. Maybe you could expand on it, or at least put in what the MC was sayig, ya know?
As always, I was impressed when I read this. I could tell which words were the vocab words, but they were put in so smoothly that if I hadn't known this was an English assignement, I would have just been like, "Awesome word choice!" and gone on. lol Yeah, and your imagery and sentences always sound so effotless, and it makes me want to hit you over the head and steal your tone and ease! lol
I really liked the concept of this. It's not really something that I've ever really thought of. It was an awesome spin to a situation written about many times. The only thing I'm asking myself right now is why I didn't read this a lot sooner.