The Butterfly Effect - Comments

I just read this story, and found it beautiful. I don't really like leaving comments where I don't have anything meaningful or special to say, but I wanted you to know that I adored this. Thank you for writing this, somehow it means a lot.

like these hipsters with their - the or those would be a better word instead of 'these.' It kind of changes the tense just a wee bit, and makes it a bit awkward with the reading of it.

A monarch butterfly flew down and touched upon a discarded piece of paper, as though that piece of trash were his throne. Luke crept around, trying to get closer without appearing a treasonous threat to the king. But the regal insect remained still, perched upon the paper with pride, - I really do like the description you've used here, it sounds all majestic and it flows very well. :) I just like it. :)

e genuflected to the creature as any proper citizen would - this is kind of neat. I don't know if you intended to use the word genuflected simply as a better word, or because of the Churchy connotations it has. :) But either way, it's amusing how the word just fits into it all rather well. :) Oh, on second thought..I was just about to go back and carry on reading then thought of this (hopefully it doesn't pop up in the story as I go on....otherwise this'll sound weird). I just thought of this:
When you genuflect in the Church, you bow down to the Eucharist, or where it has been stored. And you know, it's Jesus and God and such (well, not really...) and it's kind of the same here. Just the way you described the butterfly as majestic, it's a King...and King's were Divine Rulers once upon a time, chosen by God (supposedly) to rule on Earth. And he's genuflecting to this little God. :) (I'm certain that was meant to sound a whole lot better than how I worded it). It's neat how that kind of read through. :)

I think you've written a very neat little story here. :) I like that even though he gave up, Carly lived...because I could imagine a lot of people writing the same situation would have her die and the boy regretting it forever after. But I like how she woke up, and her eyes flickering were like a shutter on a camera. I thought it was neat how you had the print in the coffee shop, and that was how she tracked Luke down, because as I was reading how she remembered a fuzzy voice and such, I was thinking how neat it would be to have this little one-shot about her walking down the street and recognizing him and such. :) But you've done it quite well with her simply knocking on his door. :) And I especially love the ending line of the story, because it means everything to him, and might just sound like relief to her. :) Like it has this huge weight to it that only the reader could understand. :) Very nice write :)