M.A.R. - Comments

Let me start by saying that I've only read the first chapter. I should also mention that I almost always despise romantic drama, especially fiction, and I only read this to broaden my outlook on it. My first thought would have to be YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLY TALENTED WRITER AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT. Seriously, the way the dialogue switched back and forth between the two children was very well done, which not many writers could have pulled off. I found it very easy to follow. My only suggestion would be to slow down. I felt that sometimes your writing style was a big quick - as in when the boat sank, or the girl left the island - but very fluid nonetheless. I will certainly be continuing the story. I hope you stick with writing, because you obviously have a talent for it.
Cheers, Ike.

I read the first chapter of this story and I think that it could have potential if you made it less confusing. If you worded it in a more simple way. Though, I have only read the first chapter you could have very well fixed it. The switching of persons is what confused me the most and I think that you have gotten the genders mixed up in a few sentences. Otherwise, I enjoyed the first chapter of this story. I felt the pain of the little girl because no one liked her and the ending of the first chapter was very interesting and made me feel compelled to read more.

Team Mitsukuni! Team Mitsukuni! Team Mitsukuni! I want Ami and Mitsukuni to love eachother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're story is just so amazing!