Eponey - the Millenium Bug - Comments

In Eponey's world, things are not always what they seems to be. Just like it isn't either 'Black or White'.
You're not either Human, or Centaur, you can as easily be both, even if it doesn't make sense on our Earth.
People still react, much like we do, when faced by something, and just like you're happy, when things go your way, she is. The real difference, isa all the things, like actual Magic, that change everything.

Hi, I'm from the comment swat also! I've only read the first chapter, and within that I have a few things to say.
1. You have a few grammar issues, but they're not a big problem. Mostly just that "no one" is two words, "okay" is spelled like so, and not "ok," and also only proper nouns and the beginning word of a sentence are capitalized, love.
2. I find this incredibly confusing. Perhaps it's because I haven't read much, but I just don't have a clue as to what's going on. I thought she was a centaur, but now I know she's not, and I have this strange feeling the story takes place in China but I have no idea why.
3. I love the names of your characters.

Hello, I'm here from the comment swap. I have to say that the story is very good, but there are some things I'd like to point out. I found the story is a bit hard to understand--at least the prologue appears to be a bit foggy. Besides that, it seems to have potential. Take our critisim and use it to your advantage; keep writing!

Hello, I'm here from the comment swap. I have to say that the story is very good, but there are some things I'd like to point out. I found the story is a bit hard to understand--at least the prologue appears to be a bit foggy. Besides that, it seems to have potential. Fake our critisim and use it to your advantage; keep writing!

Comment Swap brought me here. Your story is interesting,and it's definitely something I haven't read before.I love the name Eponey, it's so different. I do agree that some parts of the chapters seem rushed but overall it's intriguing...

Considering what's ahead, guess I can as well say as much, I have already stated that she is well beyond the common child her age, both in maturity, and mental capabilities. The test is mentioned in Chapter 5 "Xenia 1", this refference may clear up a few details on who she is?

I usually don't read stories like this. It bores me. But I found this through the comment swap. The info made no sense. And in the chapters you're rushed and jump from one thing to the other. But overall the story line is interesting

This is not usually my kind of story.
Eponey's voice sounds much older than a seven year old, I don't know if that was intentional, that's just what I noticed. I think you could add a bit more detail. The plot seemed to progress relatively rapidly.

Hey, comment swap took me here and this type of story usually isn't my thing but i actually really do like it! It grabbed my attention because it's actually unique and good.

The prologue doesn't exactly seem to make sense and there are a few things that get sort of fuzzy in the story. Perhaps clearing some things up through description may help and rereading it to yourself to make sure it makes sense.

I noticed a few people commented on "overuse of commas", which is understandable, but i use commas in the same way. Im not sure if it's the case with you, but it's because I often read older literature which uses commas in a much different way, and i wouldn't exactly call this a misuse of commas because if it was accepted in literature before, i don't believe it's wrong now. No matter how many grammar freaks and English teachers say so.

You just have to follow th4e events to see how she became, what she is. She doesn't attend to a run down school, like the once you probbaly see down town, which's only half the trough of it.
Her birth-day party is in the chapter1, even though it's not the only event?
I'll go into greater details about 'Ki Kokoro', and a few other places, son enough, along with more on what this world is like. I hope you're with me, following her story.
Feel free to check it again, I just changed it, hope this makes more sense.

So the summary had way to many commas in it. I also would have liked an explanation of where Ki Kokoro is and what a Centaur is, just to make it clearer for the reader.

You seem to incorrectly capitalise words randomly, like "story" and "mistake" and "past". They don't need to be capitalised. Maybe you should Google what kinds of words you need to capitalise if you're unsure?

Again, you overuse commas, which makes it a bit difficult to read.

I don't really understand the prologue... It seems to jump all over the place, and I don't know why there are "- - -"s there (are they supposed to symbolise something, like a break or change of scene?).

It's interesting that you've picked a 7 year old as your main character, so I hope you can write that appropriately.

A tip not related to your writing - if you're wanting to reply to people's comments, leave them a comment on their profile, because they probably won't see it if you just reply here.

This isn't something I've come across before. That's for certain.

Is your main character actually seven? That's not the give I'm getting. She's smart, yes, but I feel like she's beyond capabilities if someone her age.

At points its a bit hard to follow, and I feel like its lacking some description. Was it a birthday party she was partaking in? I wasn't quite sure about that. Also, be careful with your magical artifacts (like the bracelet and such) sometimes those can get over played. Good luck with this!

This isn't the type of story I listen to but... I truly did catch my eye. Very different from most stories on Mibba of course. I really did enjoy reading the first few chapters though your writing is... Choppy? Therefore making is some-what difficult to read. Either way, the idea and concept is very original. Also, I assume she isn't your normal 7 year old but her vocabulary is a little... too much. In my opinion at least. Still, I believe you should keep writing. Lots of love and luck to you.
-NatalieDeJayy<&3

Interesting idea! However, I found it rather hard to read because your flow is really choppy. There were a lot of sentences that just didn't make sense, and capitalization where there didn't need to be. Also, for a seven-year-old, Eponey has a rather impressive vocabulary, although I guess she’s not a normal seven-year-old, is she? The action kind of drags, as well. With some editing and streamlining, this could be quite good.

First off I agree with Desi Galaxy, she does sound a little mature for her age. You ask the average 7 year old and they probably wont know what intriguing means. Granted, I know she's not an average 7 year old, but she is still a 7 year old. Also I suggest making your own layout. It does a lot for the reader and really sets the tone for the story. Other than that, it's not a bad story. Keep it up! :3

This story is interesting, but she's 7 yet she sounds way mature for her age. The way she talked felt like nothing a 7 year old would sound. I like it; the story. Centaurs are great, so keep up the great work. Some errors and typos, but nothing a good look over can't fix .

Two periods is a lapse, or trailing off, depending on where, I think.
I keep writing, but to those who really enjoy the scope, please read the latest chapter too.
If you enjoy the story in general, both subscribe and recommend are excelent choices. just like a comment is apprecuiated, so long as it's expressing something about the story.

What I meant by that is that was it an ellipses or just a period.

What I meant by that is that was it an ellipses or just a period.

I'm sorry, but I just couldn't get into this. I thought that the idea behind it was great. I just thought that there was not as much description as I would have wished for. With this said .. I was a bit confused by this line. Shoot me if you want to, but I just don't know. Keep writing!