Dreams Can Come True - Comments

You've Already Written It Prewrite Contest:

Praise: This was very cute and I really liked it. You portrayed th characters very well and I could see the characters and their feelings very well. Great job :)

Critique: It seemed like they were already dating before the end, with the way they were acting. There were also a couple of grammar problems but none to take away from the story.

I quite liked this competition entry (Also, hooray; you're the first!). I liked that you used the colour and the lyric seperately - I only have two qualms. I would replace a few of the 'and's with commas (this priceless piece of punctuation was scarce - sorry!) and the background was a wee bit garish (this was probably just my eyes, though!). I liked the plot and the description, and it was surprisingy detailed for a one-shot. My favourite part, however, was your developement of the characters. I absolutely loved the portrayal of 'Jas'. It definitely got better towards the end. Good job - keep writing! :)