Ashes on The Playground - Comments

When you think of a five year old child, you think of kids running and playing outside,
^^ Instead of using kids should it be a child. Because You did it in the following sentence :]

They know everything, yet they know nothing.
^^ I really like that line. It's so simple, and yet it contains everything it needs. They know everything in their world, like they know it, but they don't necessarily understand it...knowing nothing about it. Oh, I really love that paradox. :] It gets you thinking, and it makes a whole lot of sense.

their life is nothing more than a playground designed to train you and prepare you for what is to come.
^^ Would it be better if you didn't say you and rather said something like: ...designed to train and prepare them for...

I really like the paragraph sparking the question about what makes parents not care, when they start thinking of their children as a burden. I think it's one of those things in a story which would instantly relate to readers, and that's always good - I guess, even if the subject matter isn't one full of happiness.

Sometimes, you could find my expertly
^^ me

I like how the narrator has to figure things out, things which you would normally have to figure out later on in life...not as a child. It helps create that different world of the playgrounds.

My brother and sister were a lot older with me.
^^ than rather than with

You also show how the apathy of the parents to the child is quick, and not as the child gets older, which is kind of implied at the beginning (unless I'm reading it all wrong).

Take my much unnecessary medication
^^ I think that would sound better without much.

(I started to see that as the story progressed....the narrator is you?)

Anywho. After I read the little sentence in the Author's Note, I hopped on over to the forums then to the story section to see what it was about. And partly knowing what it's about on a base level, I think you wrote it wonderfully, - because sometimes, stories revolving around havens and such, sound kinda cheesy. But this was good. :]

And I really love that huge paragraph before you end the story about greatness, and how the narrator realizes that everything happens for a reason, and it's not through fault of their own. Also, I think I found this at the right time - because it speaks to me. :]

Thank you so, so much. :arms:

I'm really glad you decided to also post this independently.

You are inspiring, Serena.
In every sense of the word.

Your words wrap people up, in comfort, and gently nudge them forwards into the light.
Its just. You're just. Such a beautiful, amazing, soul.

You shine so bright.