In My Bones - Comments

This is simply AMAZING. Oh my goodness... I know how Ryan feels. Like I have been trying to write a story for a LONG time and I have all of these amazing ideas I could work with but I am so mentally and physically exhausted from the littlest things that I can't find myself to do it. SO yeah sorry, I ramble. But this is fantastic! Please, update soon!

Ugh, I feel Brendon's pain. I've never had a New Year's Kiss. Damn him for bringing up these awful memories. Of course, I love this. The way you write is exquisite my dear. I could really feel for Brendon and I like that you made him sort of a feminine gay. A good friend of mine is very feminine and tells me he likes to be the girl in the relationship--then we went to a gay club and he's like "I feel very manly..." lmfao. Anyway, it's a great beginning. There were some parts that had a little bit too much information--like the bit about him not wanting to double park...I found that unnecessary. But otherwise, fantastic job per usual.

This is fantastic!

First off, your layout is beautiful. The colours work together really well and it's just so pretty to behold!

I love how you draw the reader in straight from the summary, and then from the first line. I wanted to know why Brendon wasn't with the others - why he was alone and what would happen between him and Ryan.

"Tears sprung into his eyes..."
The paragraph that starts with this line is brilliant. It's so regretful and emotional, like Brendon blames himself for how the night has turned out even though it was Ryan who'd drunk too much and asked to sleep with him.

"He had started to feel lost in the city that he had grown up in. Nothing seemed right; nothing seemed the way it had once been. The nights felt darker, like the black sky had effortlessly swallowed up the stars and the moon, and the days felt heavier and more suffocating, and not just from the Nevada heat."
This paragraph is also amazing. It's very nostalgic in the way it's written, almost poetic, almost dream-like, like it's something that's been and gone and he can never go back to. It's quite a poignant image; remembering something that's passed like he didn't fully appreciate it at the time.

It's beautifully written. I love it.

Oh my God, first comment. How. I am so in love with this story, and it's only the first chapter. Holy fuck. Okay, just two things I noticed:

He cried from himself

I think you meant “for” instead of “from.”

and

Spencer hated it when Ryan got high or drank

Drunk instead of drank, might fit in better. Just because it follows a state of being (like high) instead of an action. Does that make sense? Probably not…

There are so many kickass things about this. The layout is gorgeous. The background, the the picture. The pink seems a little too bright compared to everything else though.

I didn't get the title until I read the story, but it fits so fucking well.

Your writing style is simply great. The awkwardness of Brendon, the insecurity of Ryan, everything seemed perfect. I think one of my favorite lines was the super long one at the end (the second to last one) because it just captured Brendon's wants and confusions and hoe he just rambles. Brilliance. Just brilliance.