Paperback Writer - Comments

hehe... thanks, Spencer. You're probably one of the only people on the site that'd get it.

All I can really say is wow.

You captured it. The raw emotion. The emotion every Katrina victem felt.

Beautiful.

Slap Happy Bullet:

you should write more of these original short stories.
i think it's nice to see some fanfic writers cutting down their safety net of characters that are already familiar. you are a wonderful writer and i want to see much, MUCH more come from your wee little hands.
which reminds me.....
temptation.... electric stars....

I swear I'll start to work on one. lol.
Probably ES. Meeting them slammed me head first into Green Day overdrive. and the fact that Billie and Mike have matching necklaces made me want to write ES more. Gotta love the subtle love.

you should write more of these original short stories.
i think it's nice to see some fanfic writers cutting down their safety net of characters that are already familiar. you are a wonderful writer and i want to see much, MUCH more come from your wee little hands.
which reminds me.....
temptation.... electric stars....

Slap Happy Bullet:

i remember you telling me about the girl.
and i had wanted to read it and now i'm glad that i have.
it's a great concept and just makes you think. i can't think of anything that you could add to it to make it better or to make your thoughts clearer because it's simple and black and white and just in your face in the most subtle way.
you've always had a great talent for writing and you know that. i absolutely LOVE your stories and always will.

oh and thanks for the shoutout on your interview. it made my day.
you actually gave direct answers and didn't use the space to just babble on and on like most people would. but we've already established that you're not like most people anyway, haven't we?
it was actually informative and gave me a bit of insight to you as a writer.

Thanks so much, Kristina. That's one of the oldest things I've written.

and of course I had to give you a shoutout in my interview. ^_^
:arms:

i remember you telling me about the girl.
and i had wanted to read it and now i'm glad that i have.
it's a great concept and just makes you think. i can't think of anything that you could add to it to make it better or to make your thoughts clearer because it's simple and black and white and just in your face in the most subtle way.
you've always had a great talent for writing and you know that. i absolutely LOVE your stories and always will.

oh and thanks for the shoutout on your interview. it made my day.
you actually gave direct answers and didn't use the space to just babble on and on like most people would. but we've already established that you're not like most people anyway, haven't we?
it was actually informative and gave me a bit of insight to you as a writer.

Emma!:

This was so sad, but great. :]

Thanks for taking the time to read.

This was so sad, but great. :]

Slap Happy Bullet:

i think more than anything, it was a reflective piece for you. if it somehow reaches out to the reader, then that's exactly what you want, but if it doesn't, then oh well. you wrote this for yourself, to proclaim to anyone that you are so much stronger having to go through that, and if you think it's perfect exactly the way it is, then i'll stand by you on that.

and even though i couldn't relate to it as much, the expierence, i did find something that really hit me and put me in your shoes for the slightest moment:
"The curse of an overactive mind, I may be an optimist at heart but I will always have at least one bad thought of 'what if'."
I am that same exact way, and that really helped me link to what was going through your mind, even if I couldn't imagine something like that happening to me.

i loved it so much, ash. you've been able to look at life in a beautiful light, and that is something worth writing about.

Thanks so much, Kristina. It means a lot and I'm glad it could translate.

Lovesick.:

First I need to tell you that this is probably one of the most beautiful story layouts I have ever seen.

Now the story is one of the most beautiful I've seen around too. But you could just make it more beautiful. Emphasize more on the emotions and the feelings. You have a strong plot, you narrate all the facts but you don't put in enough emotion.
Example :
We didn’t get word on my stepfather and his cousin for almost a month.
could be turned into :For a whole month the lasting image of my stepfather and his cousin haunted my dreams, for a whole month we knew nothing about them, whether they were alive or not, healthy or in a coma nothing was sure. There only were horrible assumptions.

A bit more drama to it, more waiting. Don't give it all out to the reader. Tell him how you've waited a whole month and how horrible it was and then tell him that they survived. You're telling a really emotional and beautiful story but in a very dry style, almost emotionless.

And just one thing, in your first paragraph
He punched a whole in the whole just before he left. sounds weird, maybe you could change it ?

Hope my review didn't scare you or anything. I'm subscribing and looking forward to more chapters/oneshots in this series.

Oh thanks for an honest review! I wrote it all in one go at about three or four in the morning. It's the kind of thing I just couldnt read over because then I'd never post it.

i think more than anything, it was a reflective piece for you. if it somehow reaches out to the reader, then that's exactly what you want, but if it doesn't, then oh well. you wrote this for yourself, to proclaim to anyone that you are so much stronger having to go through that, and if you think it's perfect exactly the way it is, then i'll stand by you on that.

and even though i couldn't relate to it as much, the expierence, i did find something that really hit me and put me in your shoes for the slightest moment:
"The curse of an overactive mind, I may be an optimist at heart but I will always have at least one bad thought of 'what if'."
I am that same exact way, and that really helped me link to what was going through your mind, even if I couldn't imagine something like that happening to me.

i loved it so much, ash. you've been able to look at life in a beautiful light, and that is something worth writing about.

First I need to tell you that this is probably one of the most beautiful story layouts I have ever seen.

Now the story is one of the most beautiful I've seen around too. But you could just make it more beautiful. Emphasize more on the emotions and the feelings. You have a strong plot, you narrate all the facts but you don't put in enough emotion.
Example :
We didn’t get word on my stepfather and his cousin for almost a month.
could be turned into :For a whole month the lasting image of my stepfather and his cousin haunted my dreams, for a whole month we knew nothing about them, whether they were alive or not, healthy or in a coma nothing was sure. There only were horrible assumptions.

A bit more drama to it, more waiting. Don't give it all out to the reader. Tell him how you've waited a whole month and how horrible it was and then tell him that they survived. You're telling a really emotional and beautiful story but in a very dry style, almost emotionless.

And just one thing, in your first paragraph
He punched a whole in the whole just before he left. sounds weird, maybe you could change it ?

Hope my review didn't scare you or anything. I'm subscribing and looking forward to more chapters/oneshots in this series.

YouRockMyWorld:

Hey, it was great. really sad but it gives hope to know it made you stronger as a person and your still carrying on.

Thanks for reading. It means a lot.

Hey, it was great. really sad but it gives hope to know it made you stronger as a person and your still carrying on.