Hmmm, normally I don’t like it when the same word is used to start the beginning of sentences that follow one after the other but at the start of the first chapter the sentences that follow each other, starting with ‘he,’ work well, though in places later on there is a little overuse of sentences starting with ‘I.’
‘Melissa and Emily have been my friends since back in the day when Rugrats and Hey Arnold were on’ – I like this sentence, gives perspective on when about this is set and character ages. Plus there is the added fact that I remember these programs.
‘That’s what she said’ – classic
I like how Wayne makes a comment on Damian being straight and then kisses him.
Oh? Intriguing end to chapter two.
Haha, this made me smile in places, and hold my breath in others, nicely written.
‘"I'm fine." She says stubbornly. The woman puts a band-aid on my. After the nurse puts on my band-aid, she leaves. The woman in front of me was a well trained dragon who had lived for many years. Illness couldn't keep her down.’ – erm, the beginning of this paragraph doesn’t make sense to me.
I like Damian’s mum.
Is there going to be a follow up, I really enjoyed this and feel that it’s ending is rather open.
I'm going to admit this before I continue, until this line: I can't help but tangle my fingers in the cool red hair that is barely touching the nape of his neck. I was imagining Gerard Way now with his sassy looking red hair, but then I found out the hair barely touches the nape of his neck and I'm like "but Gee has it longer!" ...
Great update though, freaking loved it! I just want him tell us what he is exactly already. Dragons? ... dragon riders? haha... Eragon. Dragon eaters! God, I love this story.
Absolutely freaking amazing Damian is slightly bi-polar, but I still love him and I really want to know what's up with 21 Wayne is adorable. I love him already.
Hmmm, normally I don’t like it when the same word is used to start the beginning of sentences that follow one after the other but at the start of the first chapter the sentences that follow each other, starting with ‘he,’ work well, though in places later on there is a little overuse of sentences starting with ‘I.’
‘Melissa and Emily have been my friends since back in the day when Rugrats and Hey Arnold were on’ – I like this sentence, gives perspective on when about this is set and character ages. Plus there is the added fact that I remember these programs.
‘That’s what she said’ – classic
I like how Wayne makes a comment on Damian being straight and then kisses him.
Oh? Intriguing end to chapter two.
Haha, this made me smile in places, and hold my breath in others, nicely written.
‘"I'm fine." She says stubbornly. The woman puts a band-aid on my. After the nurse puts on my band-aid, she leaves. The woman in front of me was a well trained dragon who had lived for many years. Illness couldn't keep her down.’ – erm, the beginning of this paragraph doesn’t make sense to me.
I like Damian’s mum.
Is there going to be a follow up, I really enjoyed this and feel that it’s ending is rather open.