Thirty Days to Discover Yourself... - Comments

  • n. josten

    n. josten (1270)

    :
    Ghoul of 2016
    Gender:
    Age:
    92
    Location:
    United States
    I’m here as the new judge for the ‘10 Ways To…’ contest.

    I really like the concept of this, a lot. I think a month long adventure in a new country is definitely a unique way to find yourself. I would actually love to do something similar—just take off for a month in the summer to discover myself and what’s out there, you know? I was definitely interested in how this story was going to go both because I have a soft spot for tight-knit groups of friends and adventure! And I definitely liked the idea as I was reading. I liked the vibe you set for this. Like I have a feeling there’s going to be some angst and maybe some heartache in the thirty days, but there’s still this adventurous and lighthearted feeling to it.

    Most of my problem with this story came from how unnatural the dialogue and narration felt, though. Your writing style itself is really nice and fluid, but the narration and dialogue didn’t fit right. I didn’t see a group of college kids talking so… professionally and poetically. It breaks the flow of everything else and it reads both awkwardly and stiffly, especially when the dialogue starts. Because of this, the characters actually ended up sounding all the same so I had trouble remembering who was who. There wasn’t any differentiation in the dialogue so it just didn’t sit right with me. I didn’t get a real good grasp on the characters themselves or their relationships with each other because of that, too. So it made it hard for me to connect with anyone.

    I think you do have a promising story though, it was a refreshing read, so good job!
    July 3rd, 2017 at 05:07am
  • moxie;

    moxie; (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    31
    Location:
    Mexico
    Oh, hey! I got you again!

    I'll start off with the layout. It's actually quite nice, although I feel like it could be a little… nicer. Possibly if the title wasn't so close to the picture or if the picture wasn't connected to the content in the story, I think that would give it a much neater look. I also feel that if you possibly lowered your summary and instead of spacing
    every
    single
    sentence
    to
    make
    it
    look
    like
    this, you could possibly simply join it into one paragraph, it would give it a more classy look. But pulling away from the layout and onto the content of the story.

    I mentioned it before in your other story. I found your grammar to be absolutely, positively beautiful and perfect and all that's wonderful about writing. I found it neat, and easy to read. I'm not a big fan of huge, large font that takes up the whole room of the layout, but hey, it doesn't strain my eyes.

    The story itself is quite interesting. It isn't something you read everyday, but I kinda had a little itch throughout it. I feel like the dialogue and narration is a bit… cheesy. I couldn't help but be a little put off by, 'a group of dreamers'. IDK. Maybe that's just me. I do have a somewhat cold heart. Your story holds such a positive ambient, and in so many stories I have read, none of them hold it as well as yours do. This is a really big change from the other story of yours I read and I quite like the change. I find it to be a really refreshing read.
    June 18th, 2012 at 08:19am
  • golden.

    golden. (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    26
    Location:
    United States
    I really like this! I like the adventure, but something confuses me. Why do they choose between Florence and Italy... if Florence is in Italy? That confuses me. I like the size of the font, it's nice and readable. I like the banner, but maybe you could've used colors from the banner for the background? I really like this, I can't wait to see where this goes. (:
    February 27th, 2011 at 04:33pm