Intertwined - Comments

The first thing that I noticed, apart from your beautiful layout, is that this looks like it's overwhelmingly long at first. This could be the layout making it look longer due to how narrow it is, but it does seem slightly daunting. I'd break it up a little bit, I think. (Originally this was a three-shot, right?)

Reading it, the idea is intriguing. I'm interested already. I do want to note that you do seem to use a lot of repetitive words - 'water,' 'cottage,' and (though less so) 'lake,' for example.

Ohhhh, I do adore the underwater sequence. Very prettily written. Very visual. Also, why is her dead mother talking to her? Must continue reading.

OOH. POSEIDON STORY. GOOD THINGS. (Sorry. Automatic love of Poseidon stories.)

Everything about the description at this point is wonderful, actually. Really fun to read and visualize. And I adore the dialogue between Cora and Poseidon. Also, the backstory. I'm really impressed. I know I sound like a bit of a broken record at this point, but really, I am!

Oh my God, Aphrodite. This is exactly something she would do. This is awesome. I can't form a coherent review because this is awesome. Oh my god her characterization is perfect.

This is awesome. I can't. This is such an original and (surprising for a story about the Greek Gods) actually plausible. This is one of the most enjoyable things I've read in a long time. Thank you for writing it.

...awesome.

First of all, this layout is so simplistic and lovely that I could cry. (Sorry, took that a bit too far, but you get the point, hahaha.) I like the way everything matches so perfectly and nicely. So pretty! And I also like the slight creepiness of the summary; it kind of offsets the prettiness and feel of the story, and I really like that. Anyways, onto the review!

So far, the story seems so be beautifully written. I really do like the character’s names; Cordelia sounds so elegant and beautiful, while Ivan sounds brave and strong. It really adds a bit of something that I can’t really point my finger on to the characters. Very nice! I really like them. Oh, and the sandwich scene? So cute. It gives these characters even more character, haha.

I’m also fascinated by the change of pace and idea in the story; it goes from one of those lovely little stories that you rarely see floating around here to those completely awesome fantasy stories. I actually have a great fascination for myths and you really weaved this one into an almost unsuspecting story perfectly. I honestly didn’t expect her mother living under the sea for all this time, after everyone around her thought that she’d actually drowned. I’m hooked and amazed at the brilliance of this. <3

As the last few commentors have mentioned, this is the most originally beautiful story that I’ve read in a long while. I truly enjoyed it; it’s absolutely lovely and I hope that you’d continue this on, so that we may see what’ll go on between Cora and Poseidon. (;

Lovely job! <3

I love the layout, first of all. The colours are so soft and pretty and match the banner so perfectly, and it just gives this really chilled feeling to it.

Overall this seemed to be written really well and was really interesting to read, well done :D

I also love the names, Cordelia and Ivan. They're unique enough to be different, but not so unique that they sound ridiculous, it can be a hard balance to get but you managed it and it's little things like that which build up a story c:

He snickered, and I just shook my head as I noticed he was using his baby voice. - I think adding on the 'he was using his baby voice' seems a bit repetitive because you spelled out how he was talking ('wittle' instead of 'little' etc) and the tone comes across fine without this being tagged on.

I also like the interaction between Cora, Ivan, Mike etc with the sandwiches, it seemed very much like something I could see happening and it was written really well and showed a lot of character and emotion.

Wow, I like how the story changed from what seemed to be a regular story to something fantasy-like. I love those old kind of stories about water nymphs and I think it's a Nordic ones about Seals shedding their skin and becoming women. I've never read anything like this, so like the comment below me says, this is a really original piece of writing.

This is probably the most original thing that I've read in a long time. At first, I didn't think I would be able to get through it all in one go because of the length, but the way you split it up made it feel like loads of little short stories all woven into one, which was good.

I really love the idea of this. It wasn't what I was expecting at all. I got the idea it would be something unusual, but I never guessed that it would have something to do with mythology. Greek mythology, too, which has always fascinated me. It's a really refreshing idea, and you've done it justice with your writing.

The layout makes me want to go swimming.... And makes me wanna sleep.. So I rather enjoy it. And it fits perfectly with your title, probably why you chose it.

I also enjoy the greek god story connection. I love story based with Greek mythology roots.

I'll start off with that I love the layout, I think the colours are all really calming and mesh so well together, it's super pretty! :3

I think itsy bitsy is a weird description to use for the water, even in baby talk, because if it's a lake it's not very, well, itsy bitsy. I think it would fit more if it was something like the big, scary water or you know? Something more with it being scary or frightening, still in a baby voice saying it, but not small. You used shook my head twice, right after another, and it sounds a bit awkward. You repeated "he was right though" twice right after another, and you used "I've been scared of water" but it should be "I'd been", be wary of switching tenses from past to present, I mean everyone does it but try not to, haha. c:

The part with the grabbing of grilled cheese, you repeated grabbed five times in two sentences.

I love the relationship between all the siblings though, it's very comfortable and relaxed and all their teasing is really amusing. It's very realistic how close they are with each other that they can be mean and completely let their guard down around in that enviroment. It's really nice to read! I definitely think Ivan is a favourite of mine, his snarky tone is really funny, haha. c:

You switch tenses again with our backyard is. And after she drowns, the Cordelia following should have quotation marks.

Overall, I really liked this. I don't know why but it had a very summer-y feel to it that was really light-hearted and nice to read. I've never read anything like it, that's for sure! But once the girls showed up in the water I was instantly drawn into this new universe you created, aha, it like sucked me in! But in an awesome way! I really liked the soulmate part too, it was really cute. She sure is lucky to catch herself a Poseidon!

It was an interesting twist and definitely not anything I expected at all when I first started reading, but a very nice surprise this turned out to be! :3

At first, I'm not going to lie, the length frightened me. But as soon as Bea went into the sea I was caught and reeled in. When I realised I read the last line I literally sunk in my chair. Please, write more, it's absolutely wonderful and the only thing I could ask for is more description, you are brilliant at painting a picture with words. I never used to find Greek mythology interesting, but somehow you've made me want to find out more. You made a subject I have no interest in compelling, funny and intriguing. I was tempted not to read this, but I'm so very glad I that I did.

Since there's only one chapter I get to do my favorite thing and comment as I read. First off I started reading the summary and I was like 'that's nice, she's coming home' then you were like 'her dead mother is alive' and I was like 'WHAT?'. Now I have to keep reading!

Oh my god...she's afraid of water and went to college in Greece. That would have scared the hell outta me. Anyway, I like how this starts off, very clear what's happening, why she hates water and what happened to her mother.

I'm assuming Lyla, Ivan, and Mike are her siblings as well? Or step siblings possibly? It seems so out of place that she would just go hop in the lake because she thought she saw some people. I mean, I wouldn't do that.

Her mother is a water nymph. I actually think that's pretty awesome. Not even weird...just awesome. Bea going to Greece makes sense now.

This part:

"You did faint before, did you not?" I nodded. "Exactly. I need to make sure nothing happens to you. You're still not use to being underwater; I can tell." I raised an eyebrow and she pointed at my legs. I looked down and noticed they were still a little blue, I muttered an "oh" and nodded.

Should be this:

"You did faint before, did you not?"

I nodded.

"Exactly. I need to make sure nothing happens to you. You're still not use to being underwater; I can tell."

I raised an eyebrow and she pointed at my legs. I looked down and noticed they were still a little blue, I muttered an "oh" and nodded.

You have that a few times after that example I noticed.

I loved your descriptions of places, her home, Poseidon's palace, it makes me feel like I'm there. Your details on Greek Mythology are astounding. This is all definitely the most acurate greek myth story I've ever seen.

I love all the information and the little quip between Aphroditie and Zeus. To pack all that information into one story and not make it boring is fantastic. A really compelling piece of work. I'm glad I had the opportunity to read it.

wow, this was wonderfu. i'm honestly speechless but i'll try to find some words. the way the gods and goddesses were weaved into the story and the nymphs was just brilliant. i think it's very well-written and i don't see any errors. i would love for this to be a sequel, brilliant

I just have to say first and foremost, this story was written extremely well.
At first I was confused by the whole Preface thing, but I must say it was nothing like I expected. I was literally blown out of the water. Ahaha.
I really like the twist you have on the greek gods. I'd have to agree that it'd be nice if it was broken up (though I did you read it had been a three-shot at one point). I had to prepare myself to sit and read, but once I got going I totally forgot about the length.

I enjoyed reading this story! Greek mythology is one of my favorite genres, if you want to call it that. My only suggestion is to break up the chapter. It came across as a little lengthy. But who am I to judge! I do that too in my story. Overall, I thought this was a really good piece and it had an interesting twist to it! Keep writing! You have a lot of potential!!! :)

The interaction between siblings is really realistic and the idea is a good one, however, the layout's a a little hard to read, in my opinion. Explaining the mother's predicament was really clear, but I would break this up into a few chapters, it's very intimidating to look at.