Keys - Comments

This piece is beautifully written. Everything about it gives a sort of olden majestic feel and I honestly love it. However, it took an abrupt turn. First they're all so happy and lovey and then out of hte blue he decides to tell her this news. I would've liked to maybe see some underlying emotions, maybe reflect on that while he watches her play piano? Otherwise, lovely piece. Vey beautiful.

The emotion in this piece is amazing. It's beautiful and really quite sad. Your description is yet again fantastic, it's so easy to picture what's going on in your stories. The way you described Ryan when she was dancing was probably my favourite part, it was really well done.

From the title I was expecting it to mean something like house keys, so when it was actually piano keys, that was a pleasant surprise. It was a little "mini-twist", I suppose. :P

The last line leaves me wondering what happened, but it was the perfect way to end it. It just added a little more mystery.

Again, wonderful work! I really enjoy your style of writing. :)

First of all, to address the layout. It's beautful. The colors all work together, and the picture just goes along with the story so well.

Second, the story. It's short, but written very well. You are amazing at expressing emotion, it was as if I could feel what the main character was going through. In the end, I was kind of sad. I hope the girl didn't die, I hope she kind of just... Left. If that makes any sense at all...

I liked this, a lot. :)
I felt like her reaction wasn't fair, though. He meant well.
If I were her, I'd be desperate to somehow reach and agreement to have a long-distance relationship.
Your detail and grammar was amazing; you're really talented.

This was so lovely! You have a flow with detail and I could feel the passionate anger and distraught over whelm the girl's being. At the ending, I had completely lost my mind. What happened? I'm confused. Did she die, for you said merely in spirit?

I love the ending line where the man is thinking, "Would she still be here if he hadn't left?" it just gives it a more depressing feel. You are an amazing writer :) off to read more!

This was amazing. I never really read anything like this and it was great. It's like I could imagine everything that was going on.

Anyways I really liked it, good job. You are a great writer. :)

One thing that attracted me to this story, other than that it was on the list and the One word title, I was sold when saw the layout. I thought that the layout looked amazing and I thought it was so breathtaking. I also liked how the summary was written out. I love when titles are just one word because it makes the story that much more enjoyable. It's also easier to have the title make sense. I also thought the word you used was powerful as well.

I liked the picture you used with the broken piano keys. I thought it gave me a feel of what the story was headed for. It wasn't going to be this happy go lucky kind of a story. It was going to be something more raw and hard of a story. I was really excited to read more into the story and see where this story was going to go.

The first little bit of this story was incredible. It was written in such a way where I could picture it happening before my eyes. It felt like it was a movie scene and it was being narrated. I liked that it was a really great way to start out a story. It had me captured and I couldn't wait to keep on reading. I thought that it was really a great way to start and have the reader be super interested in the rest of the story.

What you captured was the essence and organic purity of beauty. You captured it in such a way that was so real and true to the reader. The narration was so beautiful and you write it so effortlessly. I loved the descriptions you put into it to make the story that much more perfect and enjoyable. I thought that it was so pure and something so rare you can find it stories. Pureness in stories something that you don't find very often in stories. This story was pretty timeless as well, it had something just so real about it and I thought it was well written. I loved the fluidity of your words as well. I thought it had such a nice build up to it and I thought it was stellar. This story had perfect fluidity and I loved that so much. This story captured a greatness about the way you structured the sentences and how you kept the flow through it all.

It felt like the story wasn't taken place in present day and I liked that a lot. I thought that it had something really cool and composed and like it was taking place years ago. I thought that that was really amazing. It had this old feel to it, and I liked it. Like it took place in a totally different era. I'm not sure if that was what you were aiming for, but I liked that a lot. I thought that the emotion was there and I also liked the story as a flashback except for those two moments in the present day. I thought that was really well thought out.
I also liked that the story was a reflection of what he was feeling and what he was thinking.

One thing the story was told through narration as opposed to feeling. When you write a story in the 3rd person, which is narration, it needed to have more emotion behind the words of the narrator thought that it was a little bit disconnecting from the read. It felt like someone was reading me a story out of a book as opposed to reading and feeling the story. I felt a little bit of emotion during the breakup scene but not as much as I was hoping for.
I thought that the overall plot line was a really great plot line that I will say for sure. I thought that it was a really strong plot line and a really good topic that you chose. I thought you had enough knowledge displayed in the story and that was great. I thought you did a really good job throughout the whole of the story. You kept flow going and it was just impeccable when reading it. The structure was really strong as well and I liked that. I thought that there was more room for the story to grow and you could have made the story just a little bit longer. I thought that there was just a little more place to go in the flashback. The other two moments were perfect and spot on and the ending was really great. I just wished there was a little more depth to the story as a whole.

I thought that the dramatic factor was there, the story was a drama, it was sad it wasn't meant to be happy and that's exactly what you did, it wasn't the least bit happy. It was truly the down side to relationships and I really liked that. I thought that you captured that it wasn't happy. I liked how you write, the words you use, the phrasing you have in your stories as well.
I thought that aspect was just super strong and I loved that.

I thought that your characters were great and had something very raw about them so that was just great.

Overall I think you did a really great job with this story. You should be really proud of this story.

That's really well written, everything flows very nicely. The words you use a eloquent and easily set the mood of the story, The characters actions are displayed very well, and it was hard to look away from.

Despite the fact I love the ways it's written I hate the topic. I hate that it's sad, and dramatic, and that it's two highschoolers who are so in love. This to me is like a Utopia. I hate it when teens go around moping because they broke up or whatever.

So that aside I think this story or one shot, or whatever this is going to be is amazing. :)

Comment from the story contest of mine you entered!

Title:
Simple and elegant, fits very well with the layout.

Summary:
It's a bit on the short side, and though there's some information there I don't feel pulled in. I would've loved a quote, perhaps something that suits the layout?

Story:
I love the way you write, the words flow very nicely together and knit into a great story. It's not disrupted by odd paragraph changes or with grammar errors, and that just makes it so much easier to enjoy. You write very well when it comes to dialogue, and I could almost hear them speak.

One swing and the piano produces an out of tune bang. Another swing and a few keys are misaligned.
- Definitely my favorite quote, because it again ties in so well with the layout and the mood of the story. Like she's not only smashing the piano but her love for him as well.

The only real reason why it's not top 3 is because the tone wasn't one I was looking for. If it'd had a more romantic ending, or if the romance had shone through more, then yeah maybe. It just fels like the focus was more on the heartbreak and his lying to her rather than the love they'd shared. But it was still very well written, and you're definitely good at writing.

So thanks a lot for entering!

First off, wow the layout. The picture is AWESOME. I can already tell this is going to be one emotional story.

The story: Oh my good golly goshiness. <-- wtf was that? Even I don't know.

but wow, the story. I had to read it twice to really have a grasp on it. BEAUTIFUL details, absolutely great imagery, and an awesome one short. It was short, tragic, yet tells a large story. This was really good XD I'm going to go check out your other stuff now, haha. See if anything catches my eye. Keep writing! (so much better then mine. . .)

Powerful... absolutely amazing...
Wonderfully written piece...
I'm really speechless (typeless or whatever haha)
The way the story flows and the detail is perfect!
I hope you win the contest you entered it in to :D because you deserve to win it with this!

Powerful... absolutely amazing...
Wonderfully written piece...
I'm really speechless (typeless or whatever haha)
The way the story flows and the detail is perfect!
I hope you win the contest you entered it in to :D because you deserve to win it with this!

The way you describe the emotion is intense and just beautiful. I was really captured by the last line: "Would she still be here today if he hadn’t left?" it was the perfect final touch.
I enjoyed reading it and it you did a terrific job(:

I think you really have a knack for emotion and description. The end of this was really sad yet totally beautiful. Your writing and grammer were flawless.I'm sorry I don't have much to say but i'm blown away with all that emotion.

I'll be checking out some of your other stories because you seem like a fantastic writer to me. :)

I really enjoyed this. It makes me wonder - did she commit suicide? "She still would've been here today."

"Red lips curl back, bearing a smile that merely says the world to him." This statement stood out quite a bit to me. I just loved it. You could tell so easily that the two loved each other, how pained they were to know that Frank would be leaving.

The photo at the top is really pretty and as someone above stated, great visual reinforcement. It felt strange, though, to see it against the pink but maybe that was just me.

Altogether, this was a really great one-shot. (: Keep it up!

This was so pretty and sweet and really stands out amongst the tales I've read on Mibba. I like how descriptive you are, it sounds like you put much effort into it.
The title too was very creative, very simple but had an amazing meaning and just slotted in so nicely with the story.

So, I've looked at this little piece before and I liked it I just didn't leave a comment. I like how simple the layout is and photo is very nice, I think I've seen one similar to it on DeviantArt. I personally would have preferred the photo in a sepia tone just because this is more of a memory. The story is beautiful and you certainly have a way with words. It might not seem like it but the details and wording of this story really capture the person reading it. I can easily imagine a man standing lost in thought by a piano and then picturing the last scene with them. Beautifully written, well done.

Keys is amazing. The way you expressed this made me as the reader feel emotion and I love to get that from writers. News such as that is unfortunate and is quite sad to see its outcome end badly. You were very descriptive, and allowed this story to really bloom leaving me intrigued. Well done. :)

Not going to lie, this made me tear up. Truth be told, a lot of things make me tear up, but I felt this in my heart. It's so sad, heartbreaking, haunting, and beautiful. So much emotion was in this. I could feel the pain of a lovers paradise ending tragicly and suddenly. You express it in a beautiful wondering, as well. I'm just really in utter awe and I'm speechless. I wasn't sure what to expect from this, but this is now a favorite of mine. Fantastic job!

You have an amazing way with words I must say. Your descriptions made it possible to feel for the character. He blames himself for her death. You can tell that he wishes that he hadnt left her. They seemed like they had a great relationship. Unfortunately he had to leave. This made me sad. I could feel for both characters even if she was dead. Amazing work :)