I'll Be Your Best Kept Secret - Comments

Very, very, very well done! I loved the emotion and descriptions. I feel like you showed their relationship very well. I also liked the evil twist at the end. Like, he became her obsession. It made me fall in love with the story and your Amber character. Very good job and keep it up! You write beautifully!! :)

This is definitely one of my favorite submissions. The emotion you put in it was enough to give me chills, I honestly can't form coherent thoughts right now it was that good. =)

This was amazing. Seriously. I have to admit I had no idea where you were headed with it. Definitely not in the same direction most would have. But I love that. Sometimes you just need a not-so-happy ending. I, too, like how he remained nameless, just another face in the sea. You wrote this beautifully, with minimal dialogue; just enough to make their encounters real. I absolutely loved this. Thank you.

Wow. That's what I get from this story. It starts out so innocent and it twists itself into this cruel thing at the end. I love little twists like that. It was so well written. It really took the moments and tied them together. I really enjoyed this.

I loved this. I know the song vaguely, and as far as I'm aware you did it justice.
I thought the flow was brilliant, and the dialogue seemed very natural - it really portrayed the way they both tread around each other, making sure they say the right thing to make each other happy. I loved your descriptions and the layout was just perfect.

First of all, the layout is so beautiful; it's appealing and doesn't distract the reader (: Second, this was beautifully written. I don't see very many fanfics - I have to admit that I don't like them, so I don't search for them, but anyways... - that are written this amazingly. Like Takanori Matsumoto. said, there's something very powerful about your words, especially at the excerpts that she mentioned - she wants nobody else to be with him, so she's very careful about everything. There was absolutely nothing to criticize, it was perfect. I wish that everyone - even those people who don't like fanfics, like me xD - had will read this eventually. It deserves so much more love. This was just...wow. I can go on for years about this, but I really do love it.
Amazing job, love! <3

Wow. Just...wow. I actually read through this a couple of times to really absorb it, and I'm actually still kind of stunned by it. I'm just really impressed by how slow-moving it is. It almost kind of resembles the way her resentment of being a secret just keeps growing and growing, and just. Wow.

And if I had to choose my favorite part, I would choose this bit right here:
“I love you,” she whispered. She started crying and the tears landed on his face. Cold hands moved to his warm neck. She could feel his pulse; slowed from the sleep medication she had laced his food with to weaken him.

Her hands felt tight around his throat and soon he was gasping for breaths. He couldn’t breathe. Everything was getting blurry and Amber was fading away.

Something about that is just powerful to me. The way she loves him but she wants him to herself so much that, when she realizes that it will never happen, she wants no one else to have him again. And the way that she's just so careful yet so very resentful is amazing.

And as far as concrit is concerned, I really couldn't find anything to really criticize. I mean, I would have liked to have known his name, but I think that with the way you wrote this, it doesn't matter what his name is, you know? He's just another nameless guy juggling two girls, and I love it. That might make me a bit darker than I'd like to admit, but. xD Honestly, I loved this piece. Thank you for sharing it.